As I go through and tidy up, I’m on a mission. What needs to get done? What needs to go where? Constantly making mental notes as to things needing to be replaced. It’s not until I am standing at the sink washing the dishes that I truly stop for a moment and my heart swells at the thought of how much I truly love being a home-maker.
Submissive, slave, babygirl, masochist, rope bunny. These titles have all been handed to me.
Home-maker is one I choose for myself. A nester. Few things give me more pleasure than making our space feel like a home. His space. The space I know He will come home to and just feel good simply by walking through the door. I am good at making a space feel this way. What I’m still working on is making myself a part of that. Making myself feel like home too. Making myself a part of that feeling that will help Him feel good as He walks through that door. I try. But I do still fall very short. It’s always a work in progress… and I’ve come to accept that. Almost… almost… begin to enjoy the journey of coming to know what’s there, both the good and bad. A curiosity.
Of course, having Someone create that safe space for exploration with much less of a fear these days that they’ll simply give up and leave, helps make that process much easier to digest.
Cleaning and tending to, and nurturing our home brings that connection to gratitude I so easily overlook in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. It reminds me of how much I love Him and how much He truly provides me. It reminds me that I am good at something. It reconnects me to my heart and my goodness. It re-energises me so that when those close to me need me, I can be available to them in the ways they need. Such joy and fulfilment from something most people hate!
There are hard days, of course. Sometimes I look at the washing piling up and the dishes at the sink and just feel overwhelmed. But feeling accountable to Someone else has really kicked my butt into gear of being able to make myself do things even if I don’t feel like it to begin with. And afterwards… I always come back to that same place. Gratitude.
Some people may read this and feel nauseated lol. Some may fully understand. But it’s something I have taken the time to slowly learn to nurture and accept about myself, and have come to love and flourish in. Many see me as many things. And I’m ok with that. To them, I am that thing. But to me… I’ll always be that girl who just wants to nurture that space for us to have somewhere where we can hide away from the world, relax into ourselves, and just be U/us.
