Hidden In Plain Sight

DaddyDrago{LilAmethys} - 'I can’t decide if someone is loving me at their capacity… only they can determine that.'

I FEEL this!!!!
I have been here......defining what I 'need' as a mask. As a cover. As a manipulation even. Because the fear of 'accepting someone' in their authenticity was just too vulnerable. Sadly, I missed out on a LOT defining others. Putting them in boxes. Limiting them.
I too love hard. Huge. And I just "know" no one will be able to love like I do. Give like I can. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy. It gave me a 'reason' not to trust them. Though, it was entirely manufactured.

And I have been on the receiving end of submissives who 'needed me to love them in this way'. When my love was more than enough. Oh, for sure they were allowed to say, "It is not enough for me." And, they did. Though, through copious amounts of manipulations and venom. It is ok to say, "I need more," or better yet, "I could use some more attention here and here." Or, even, sadly, "I need more than you can give." That at least is preferable, though heart-wrenching.
However, many (me included) do as you expressed......define what they need by measuring it against their own capabilities all the while they refuse to accept they do not even live up to giving their own capacity let alone allow someone to give to them within their capacity. The fearful, fearing fear.

"I" learned to accept (more honestly is, I am learning) to love another is to accept they are a million different people throughout their lives. Each of them unique and necessary. Can I accept that at their core they intend good? Even if they fail? Even if they are wrong? Even if, in their humanity, they hurt me? ONLY then, can I honestly say that I love them. Only then is my heart open to receiving them as they are. Seeing them and allowing them to be themselves in my world. Which, quite frankly, is terrifying at times.

You know me......I ramble.....and I know you take no offense. Thank you for the wisdom you share. For the journey you walk so bravely and courageously open.
You make more of an impact than I am certain you will ever realize.
None less than on me.

WhatamIfightingfor​(dom male) - The phrase "All is fair in love and War comes to mind." For just like in war you find out about the unknown and have to deal with it, both in yourself and the one you are interacting intimately with. You both show up with what you have, and learn about each other. Men tend to bond over things, like combat with each other, most boxers become good friends afterward, or at least not enemies, provides a bit more insight into how in both you can and should admire and respect the other party.

I'mME - Bunnie,
I understand 100% what you wrote, I am what you wrote, I could say was, lol, as I was trying to work on this, by being mindful. It made me feel very isolated still does, bc I figured out that I did this to a degree with friends. Im not talking about I do something for them and expected something in return, never was I that. It was more why don't they ever reach out before I do. Why do they seem to be good with this or that and Im not. In a r dynamic, I was like....
You know what, I would say quite possibly did everything fucking wrong.

I have learned so much about myself, lately ever one of your writings hits right in the middle of that button. I'm mindfully about these things now, but it doesn't mean that I still don't feel that way.

The dynamic i participated in, they weren't my people, not a good person, but they don't think there is anything wrong with themselves. That did not allow for me to express anything to them safely.
I shared , or apologized if I felt I had done something wrong,. Never a discussion, no acknowledgement that I even brought it up. Nooo, it would pop up later, as a weapon, smh, I take full responsibility for not stepping away from that sooner than I did.

I'm extremely hard on myself about stuff like this. This is the first time I have actually shared w another person, not him. A friend if you will, Bunnie.

☺️
I hear some of the same bearing behind your words.
Bunnie, the fact that you come to these aspects , parts of who you are, is fucking awesomeness, it's what fucking life is about. Im not perfect, you aren't perfect, some people just show up, never put any self-work in, do you understand what I mean? ( you know me and writing, i got damn mating frogs going off, and a pookie wookie demanding some special ChooChoo food at the door, by using a very insistent little bark meant to run me. 😳😝)

I think we are close in age, the reason I mention that is that we are all at different stages of our lives, not because we are supposed to be enlightened any more than someone younger than us.

I heard behind your words some frustration with yourself, don't do that, I get it though. I had to teach myself to quit saying negative things aloud about myself, bc it was taking a toll.
I saw and felt it.
So for people who say words don't matter, please stop and maybe rephrase that, bc they MATTER.

If I'm wrong about what I sensed, forgive me.

Take care...

Would you be needing any frogs?

Six Foot Four - Thought-provoking writing. I've always found that the harder I work, the luckier I become. That goes for love too, and I don't think I know how to stop. ;P

LaVieEnRose​(sub female){Learning } - Well that hit me like a ton of bricks at half six in the morning 😭😭 this is me in a nut shell. It’s been the biggest issue I’ve struggled with with Sir is that how *I* show my love and how He does are different styles; there is also a cultural difference that I had to actually Google because I didn’t realise how much that affected things.

For the longest time I saw things through my eyes and constantly questioned His feelings (which I have to say He has handled so well) because it wasn’t how *I* thought someone should express them.

“I compare how “well” someone loves me based on how I love them. If they don’t love me as I love them, I question if they love me at all.” THIS right here has been something that I am learning to accept with grace and patience that He will love and care for me the way in His own way and I have to accept that

Purple Freesia - In the not so recent past I had a similar question; how can you know others when you don't know yourself. And, it is very true - until you really know yourself, your strengths, failures etc and be vulnerable enough to share them with others will we truly be able to understand others. The challenge is when we share that vulnerability with someone who doesn't know themselves or is unwilling to share what we see in them as we see it in ourselves first. - this challenge is often met with hurt and accusations. Often another indication that more work is needed.

I think the sentiment; we must always see love in ourselves before we can see it in other reins true.

Max Heathen​(other male) - "I can’t decide if someone is loving me at their capacity… only they can determine that. The only thing I can determine is whether or not that capacity meets my needs."

Thankfully I had this come to Jesus, ah-ha moment in my mid-20's. Being analytical I'd then compare the needs met to those unmet... Doesn't always work to keep me happy with a relationship, but then I sleep on it and see what tomorrow brings

Pirate Queen - This sounds like it could be a trust issue? Not sure how long you’ve been together with your Dom but maybe you simply need more time together to learn each other’s way of being and if you two are really suitable as a couple. Often it takes time and a variety of experiences shared together to determine if you meet each other’s needs. I remember when I first travelled on vacation with my husband (when we were dating) and ran into several snags on the trip. We learned how each of us handle unexpected stressors that life throws at us almost every day and that we often complement each other in how we deal. After that trip I was more certain than ever that I could marry him someday. That, and how we hung wallpaper together for his parent’s living room without killing each other! Lol ! Btw, he is my sub as well as my hubby. 😁

Sasa​(dom female) - It's always the fear to be left and abandoned in the end, isn't it. ❤️ Wonderful post, Bunnie. Lots to think about