You think that by me saying I don’t want to be with you again, is a rejection of you. It’s not. It’s a rejection of how you’ve behaved towards me and our relationship.
The rejection, the belittlement, the shame in not being enough in your eyes- not smart enough, not sexy enough, not political enough, not passionate enough… never enough. The constant giving and withdrawal of your affection and love, as I watched you parade your devotion around in front of me with your dog, and your sexuality around in front of me with a steady stream of others. I hoped that if only I could hang in there long enough, be loyal enough, forgiving enough, accepting enough, be… enough… someday those things might come my way.
The relentless lying.
All of that had consequences. I stopped trusting you. And eventually I stopped being in love with you.
I gave you the power of being responsible for an option. You couldn’t be responsible with it. And eventually I ran out of reasons as to why I should keep asking you to try. So I am merely removing that option from you. That’s all. Removing the pressure from both of us. We love each other much better this way, as we are now.
You will always have a big place in my heart, and if you so choose, my life. But I deserve much better treatment than what either of us have believed all this time. It’s time for me to start caring for myself, and that has to start with us.
