The Chimera's Whispers

sketched in 2005 and redrawn in 2020

I originally sketched this in 2005 when my grandmother told me to show my Christmas spirit. Being the bratty 16 year old I was, I made that picture above and gave it to her with the shitty comment of "There. There's my Christmas Spirit." I didn't even bother to sign it. Well. My grandmother was looking at some of my recent work and gave me that little slip of paper back! She had placed my name and the year, and put sticky plastic over it (the backing fell off)  
I was floored. The DIFFERENCE.
I kept true to the original piece by only giving myself 15 minutes to sketch and ink total; the same amount of time it took to make the above piece.

I'm using this as a quiet object lesson to others. Even if you think you aren't very good, or really bad at something. If you truly enjoy it, keep at it. Don't stop. You will grow, learn, and change. This right here is an example of years of drawing, and trying various styles. Keeping a few things, dropping a few others. I STILL do not think I've very good with my art, but looking at this. I can see the massive improvements and changes I've made with my style.
 I felt this was a beautiful way to help bring the CAF Art Show to a close. ((I'm unsure if I wanna keep going or not.)) 
Don't give up. Never give up. Even if it's tough. Keep going. Don't stop.  You'll get better and better. I promise.

"I've made a bed of my enemies. What hope did you ever have?"

She'll show you the sweet smile, but then your name drips from her mouth like she's spewing venom.

I know others have met that women/girl. She's multi-faced. She'll compliment you and be friendly, but then she'll sling nastiness with the other face, and the third remains mostly hidden- and will whisper and wheedle rumors and lies to whomever will listen. She uses her body as a weapon, and she'll rip out hearts wherever she can reach them. Regardless of the other person or their well being. She's a nice female counterpart to the "Toxic Predator" and certainly is someone most people have encountered once or twice in their lives.

Concept inspired by the Witcher III, and other horror games/novels/shows I've seen

You can try to burn me down, render me to ashes. I'll only rise again.

This piece is a little old, but has serious meaning to me. This is the first piece I made after my ex and I split. I broke away from years of emotional abuse and manipulation. When I first left him, I was asunder. Ashes. Split apart. Shattered. Slowly though, I've been on the rise. The road is still hard, and things are still tough now and then. But it's getting easier. I'm happy to be where I am today, and rising higher still.

And there she patiently waits...

With a sigh, he smiled. "Chains are off, my pet." and with that. Runes burned like hellfire, and her smile mirrored that of a murderer's grin. She was a dog off of her leash, a wild thing that her Master had opened the door of the cage to. She was about to unleash her own brand of fury.

Some of you have seen this in my profile, or in a past blog a long time back. An ongoing 'joke' in my dynamic is my Dominant will say "Chains are off" when someone is making me angry or peeved. This is my 'signal' that I'm allowed to go off on them. Otherwise, prior to that point. I try to conduct myself in a manner that represents my Dominant.

PS- if you can't tell- I like Glowing affects! LOL!

"How are you?" he smiled, ropes of poison dribbling from his chops.
He acted innocent, but we both knew he had ulterior motives.

Some of you already have seen this. I thought it was fitting for this event. You all have met him. That predator sliding up in your DMs. Be it submissive or Dominant. They're there, and they're poisonous.

"You see me chained down. I see freedom."

Before I start, I'm fairly certain I will be getting some heat for this blog-post. 
Now- before you comment. I want you to remember: This is my humble opinion.  I fully welcome other opinions, other viewpoints, even a bit of debate and discussion. However, I will not tolerate someone engaging in a debate/discussion only to try and cram their opinion down my throat. Blatant insults, or people trying to pick fights with me or others.

This is my blog. My domain. If you don't like something and cannot contribute meaningfully to my blog post- then don't say anything. Close my blog and move on.

Thank you.


Now, with BDSM. I get there's a certain thrill when a Dominant tells his sub "You're my little slut." or hearing her utter "I'm your slut." This opinion/viewpoint of mine lies OUTSIDE of the Lifestyle.

I have my own viewpoint on the term "Slut-Shaming"
From what I've gathered (And I could be very wrong.) The original term "Slut-Shaming" was more meaning towards the way a man would sleep with a bunch of women, and get high praise for it. "Jerry bagged another girl last night. Third one this week. God, what a beast!"
Whereas, if a lady did that. She's called a slut. HUGE double-standard. Major Inequality.
However, throughout recent years, the term was bastardized and misused. Or, girls take the term and try to make it into a personality trait.

I have plenty of friends that sleep with different/multiple people and don't act obnoxiously about it. (I'll give an example in a minute) If someone downed on them for sleeping around like that- then yeah. I'd fall back to the original term of "Slut-Shaming."
You can still sleep about, and be classy about it. Perhaps I'm old fashioned- but what's done behind closed doors stays behind closed doors.

Now, when I hear some woman go "Ohhh, you're Slut-Shaming me!! I just like to have secks, get over it, oh my gawd!" I'll usually just look at her and tell her "Yeah, I am slut-shaming you, because the way your acting is indecent. Don't be proud of it." ---
Before I proceed- lemme flip this on it's head for you so you'll better understand where I'm coming from in my opinion.

I know you all have met him. The guy who is way too arrogant, super pompous, kind of an asshole, narcissistic, and very selfish.  Sometimes a bit too loud when he speaks. He brags and boasts about how many women he's slept with, and how he can obtain any woman he wants. After all, women are conquests and he's always up for "A challenge" ((Sometimes he'll also brag about how great his life is, or how he has the most amazing new car, gaming system, etc...))
The guy that makes you go  "Ugh" with an eyeroll. "Grade A. douchebag."

The description above is the same type of person I view that lady I mentioned above as "Oh my Gawd, you're Slut-Shaming me!" 

She's obnoxious. She brags about dudes she's slept with, and will willingly sleep with your boyfriend if he'll go for it. She is loud, and acts like whoring about is a personality trait and the term "slut" is a major badge of honor to carry around- when in reality. She looks disgusting, and sleazy.
But I've found today- it's 'that woman' or 'that girl' that waves that flag obnoxiously loud and prideful. She'll scream about inequality between men and women, but still be that same girl who will run to Police screaming about domestic abuse when she was the one who laid hands on her new ex-boyfriend firstly.


Coming back to the BDSM aspect of things. The above is probably why I don't like being called a "slut" or "whore" in the bedroom. (That and humiliation/degradation is not my thing.)  Just doesn't get me hot. In fact, kind of turns me off.  It's amusing to me how such a negative connotation can carry over into the bedroom and be such a turnoff.
((And this is a "me" problem, nobody else's.))

It just makes me raise a brow, since most of the ladies who actually do scream "slut shaming! OH! He's Slut Shaming me!" is THAT girl. It saddens me to see the term so bastardized when men have been brought up to be proud of being a "Man-whore." 

These are just random morning thoughts on a Wednesday.

It coughs up, viscous, and black.
Sticky, and reeking of rot.
Black tar, vestiges you injected into my bloodstream.
I barely notice it's there, I don't bother to keep track.
It's clogs my insides, like a blood clot.

It seeps from the pores. I'm trying to spit it out.
I'm in detox. I have the coldchills, and hallucinations.
Trying to reject it, but it's deep. Throughout.

I drank poison and now I spit venom.
They say a woman's heart is made of gossamer and lace.

Then why is mine made of patched canvas and frayed denim?

:::Edit:::
I figure this post might need some context. Which I feel weird about, since I usually delve these deeper thoughts into my private Diary as opposed to my public blog.

Tonight, I discovered some of the remnants of long-term emotional manipulation and abuse. I'm working through it, but it's difficult.  So many years I was lead to believe certain things are "Normal" or, I'm not allowed to do or feel certain things. When in truth, I AM allowed to feel. I am allowed to "Do."
I'm learning, and truthfully. It DOES feel like I'm spitting up black tar. Every so often this thick, disgusting, phlegm-like, viscous glob of shit just pukes up, and I have to try and clean it up. When I do? It stains my clothes and hands.
It's upsetting, and extremely frustrating that I'm still dealing with this trauma almost a year after I cut him out of my life.