I am a hands on kind of person...something needs to get done, I’ll jump in and get right on it. I don’t like to wait, But when it come to relationships, where I have been burnt and pretty good, even after having taken it slow, right now I feel like I’m stuck in neutral - idling.
I want to move on, but I am hesitant. I want to jump in and take the risk, but I am fearful because once you have had the real thing and they’ve broken the most precious gift you could have given any other human being - how can one not be almost paralyzed and immobile?
Then when you make the attempt to step back in, you meet a liar right out of the gates. Makes you more than apprehensive when you were open and genuine about the very thing you were hurt by. It saddening and upsetting that people can have no shame and intentionally hurt others, especially in this lifestyle where trust is a building block of a D/s dynamic. Yes, things still stings and not in a good way.
Along comes this pretty awesome guy who seems to understand me and is respecting my wishes to take it slow, who I have given several outs and he hasn’t taken them. I know that everyone is different, they are their own person and no one should be judged by others mistakes and will remind myself of that because he does deserve to be given that chance.
While I am idling, he is softening my heart and letting me see who he is. Making me feel comfortable little by little. I hope to be able to shift to drive soon, and see where he takes me. After all, can’t enjoy the possibilities just sitting there - well, perhaps just for a little while.
