(In case any of my "fans" are reading.... this has nothing to do with anyone else's post and I've been working on it for days)
Covid-19 is fucking with my love life, just as I'm sure it is with many of yours. I mean, I hope to God that it is because we owe it to each other to stay home and stop the spread of this thing. We Americans, especially the young healthy ones, seem especially bad at this, and science shows that the worst is yet to come. We all need to act like we all have this virus and stay the fuck home unless you have to work, grocery shop, go to the doctor, etc.(See below for one of my current favorite tweets).
Back to my love life, though. Djinni and I live 1200 miles apart. It has been one month and two days since I last saw her. 32 days feels like an eternity when all you want is to be in your person's arms and at their feet. She was supposed to come to Denver for a week to make sure she truly wants to be here (and with me) before packing up her life and dogs and becoming a Coloradan (we're only turning away folks from CA and TX- sorry!). We've been trying to plan how to make this trip work in a way that is safe, and are beginning to accept that it just isn't going to happen right now.
And I'm devastated. I have wanted to show her my beloved state since we first met. I want to take her to my favorite coffeehouse, my favorite restaurants. I want to drive the length of Colfax together so she can go down the longest continuous street in the US. I want to drive her into the mountains so she can experience God the way I do, through the wonders of nature. I want her to meet my friends and hear "dumb Laura" stories, about the times I got drunk and did dumb things, the silly things we've done through the years. I want her to meet my family, my crazy, unstable, dysfunctional, rock of a family. I want to share my bed with her, a bed I've only slept in by myself (except for my dog and cat of course). Speaking of my dog, I want to see them love each other, my best girls loving on each other (okay Djinni's no girl, but you all know what I mean).
Here's the thing though. As much as we want to see each other, we both feel a responsibility to our friends, families, co-workers, communities, and our country. I'll be the first to admit I'm a shitty patriot... But I do care about others and firmly believe that my right to freedom ends when it impedes anothers. I'm pretty sure I'll weather this without much issue. I have a terrible immune system and catch everything but am pretty healthy otherwise. I live with my 74 year old mother though, who has chronic bronchitis and comes down with pneumonia very easily. Thus, I am committed to staying at home as much as is possible. I'm working from home, a difficult feat for a social worker used to in person visits, and I feel helpless for my clients. They are all formerly homeless and while they are housed, they are struggling the same way we all are- losing jobs, getting sick, running out of toilet paper. I'm a fixer and I can usually lead people to fix their own problems. I can't do that right now and it fucking sucks. But I'm staying home because even though they are struggling, they are still alive and I feel it is my responsibility to contribute to them staying alive (insert disco here).
So... Here I am, alone in my basement bedroom with only my emotionally unstable cat for company (my fickle dog is upstairs playing with the other boxer in our house), checking in with clients for whom I can only offer an empathetic ear and a referral to a food pantry. I'm sad, really sad, that this fucking pandemic is screwing with my plans to be with my beloved and share my life with her, the way she has shared hers with mine. But here's the thing. Despite our loneliness and devastation, at our core we are both good people who care about the people around us, and are willing to make the sacrifice to put our time together on hold so that we might do our part to keep this contained. And because I know that we have forever together to experience these things, I can handle this.
Please, please PLEASE don't value your loneliness and horniness more than you value the lives of the people around you. I get it. I truly do. I'd give my left hand (I'm a righty but my left hand has.....other value) for her to be in my bedroom with me right now. I'm lonely too- I miss my friends, my leather brothers, my co-workers and clients. But we are all in this together, and even if I can't stand you I want you to come out of this in one piece. Please listen to science... the WHO and CDC (for as much as they are allowed to..) are giving us scientifically accurate information. It's okay to be scared of this, to have false bravado about this. But for the love of God (or just the people around you) stay home. Thank your grocery store workers and health care workers (and social workers.... cause my friends and colleagues are still walking the streets to get homeless folks, families, veterans, inside to safety) and stay the fuck home. I literally ache for her... but I'm staying the fuck home and so is she (though... being with her is capital "H" Home).
