'Shie, Her, Hers: My D-fining Moments

Thecharmedmuse​(switch female)​{My Wildman} - I believe that different connections we make bring about different dynamics. I am a person who could be described as a closet control freak. I have a very natural submissive nature; however. I yearn to serve others. I have discovered that I can incorporate this trait into being Domme. It pleases me greatly to please others; to bring joy, to look out for their wellbeing. I am not sure if I’d need to stop being submissive to explore my D or vice versa, but it would take an extraordinary Dom/me to extract that at the moment.

Thecharmedmuse​(switch female)​{My Wildman} - I didn’t really answer your question though...

Does this automatically make one a switch? It is my belief that everyone has a bit of both D and s within and it is the connections we make that draw them out. Your personality moves you toward certain people and you find yourself on one side of the slash or the other and it feels right and natural. At least.. this is my experience.

ShieMarie - Thank you! I def get what you mean in both of your responses and feel like that's the case for me. Being able to incorporate my desire to please by making sure that my subbies are well taken care of. That's where my nurturing side comes in. I really value all of their opinions and suggestions and generally go with them, especially if I know we have a compromise that is pleasing for all involved.

Little moon​(sub female)​{Not lookin} - Just off the top of my head after reading this I would say go with whatever tugs at you and makes you most comfortable. NOTHING stops you from exploring both dynamics and you should never have to stop one for another unless the parties involved do not wish to support your endeavors, and if their wish is to support you and help you grow it shouldn't be an issue. Furthermore remember and realize that a submission has as much if not more power than any master or dom, as the final decision and call lies with them. Good luck either way, but you owe it to yourself to accept and explore all sides of yourself with love, tenderness and all the patience in the world.

ShieMarie - Thank you for your comment and well wishes! Definitely for clarification purposes, I am now aware of how my mention of not letting my power go comes off. I had mentioned in my other blog that I tend to be indecisive and that my subbies are encouraged to think for themselves and for me at times. I rather enjoy and appreciate an opinionated subbie, and furthermore understand how consent works as an exchange of power in all situations. It's beautiful/ respectable and I am happy to be the kind of Domme that knows the limits of power. When I say that I don't want to let go of my power, this is me saying that in regards to my own personal power and feelings that I have about myself as a Domme. I hope this makes sense. ❤️✨

Little moon​(sub female)​{Not lookin} - Just off the top of my head after reading this I would say go with whatever tugs at you and makes you most comfortable. NOTHING stops you from exploring both dynamics and you should never have to stop one for another unless the parties involved do not wish to support your endeavors, and if their wish is to support you and help you grow it shouldn't be an issue. Furthermore remember and realize that a submission has as much if not more power than any master or dom, as the final decision and call lies with them. Good luck either way, but you owe it to yourself to accept and explore all sides of yourself with love, tenderness and all the patience in the world.

Bunnie - I would say it depends on what you desire. If you want to be comfortable, stay doing what you’re doing. If you want to grow... get comfortable with being uncomfortable lol :)

ShieMarie - "Get comfortable with being uncomfortable". ? I like that! So true. But I don't think I'm being stagnant in any way... I just think maybe this isn't the right time for me to explore this or quite possibly not anything that would suit me. Only time will tell.

dollMaker​(dom male) - If someone is a D-type, but they are observed to have some submissive traits, does this automatically mean that they are a switch?

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No, but it could indicate a leaning towards that, maybe wanting to explore that. If so go for it, if its something you want to try then give it ago. Make sure you negotiate the parameters and limits of that exploration clearly and even set a time limit on that agreement. Take it slowly and make sure its focussed on exactly where you feel these 'submissive traits' are. If after that you feel you want to explore further then negotiate for that. Take it slowly and progress or not as you feel you need to. This is one type of exploration where I would suggest a very tight and limited agreement re what can and can't happen is in place. Its also important that who ever you do this with is on the same wave length re what you want to do, skilled, kind, caring and also appreciates just how big an honour it is to be involved in such an undertaking. Helping a domme explore something like this is a rare occasion and great honour.

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If this said-someone seeks to further explore those traits, does that require a complete halt of any current D/s M/s dynamics they have in order to focus 100% on self discovery?

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Maybe, but maybe not. Much will depend on the nature of the exploration and the depth, how much time is required and whether you are good at multi tasking. It would be in my view wrong to allow current involvements to be left hanging or have their time with you cut suddenly. That will need negotiated and some framework put in place to permit what you want to explore.

What I would say though is be careful re what you say as some subs/slaves will struggle to get into the headspace if they know their dom/master is exploring a submissive side. Some doms, dommes create new personas to do that, and don't share that with ongoing involvements, aware they might ruin those involvements if their exploration is revealed. Of course some will say that's dishonest, but much depends on how you manage your involvements, their character and how such news might effect ongoing dynamics, as to whether that is dishonest or not. However if it looks like you will be going more sub, fully sub then it would be important to prepare those involvements for what might happen, rather than just spring it on them. Sorry I am a sub now and we are over. I guess much depends on the nature of things as to what you should do. For myself I think telling everyone what is about to happen, ie exploring sub traits, would be a better foundation to explore from, but I do understand why some dommes/doms do create separate personas for that.

Its a hard one to balance, but I wish you the very best with your journey, exploration and finding away to do what you need balancing everything else. You may find isn't for you or reveals it is. Its not uncommon for doms/dommes to become subs or switches, and subs to go the other way. For myself I am fixed re being a dom, but in recent years I have been exploring aspects of my sexuality so I have, I think, a bit of an idea of the journey you are contemplating.

Hope it goes well for you, and those other involvements you have.

ShieMarie - dM!!!! So, everything you commented are exactly the things that I considered and discussed with a friend. Letting go of current dynamics to explore this felt extremely selfish to me and it was not something I wanted to do. Informing my subbies of what I was doing was not an issue. I know how they feel about me and they know that transparency and communication are very important to me. I did tell them and while they were supportive, they found it hard to believe. Not shocked, but reasonably skeptical.

Another Dom stated it might be hard for them to wrap their mind around the fact that someone they're being submissive to is considering being submissive themselves. And while I see that to hold some truth, the fact of the matter is that I'm sweet enough to them that they know I have no problem yielding. Kinda like my comment above and in my other blog. My subbies keep me happy and know I do things not just for my own satisfaction, but to keep them pleased as well. I always consider their feelings, thoughts, and ideas. So again, it wasn't a shock to them, because they see the ways in which I can be more lenient and like a "people pleaser" but they know how I am in regards to giving and receiving orders.

I do however rather appreciate the information about having a strict agreement in place should I want to explore this side. This gives me a lot to think about in regards to specificity.

Thank you for your reply!

TheLittlePrincess​(sub female)​{SSG} - I do not believe that you have to drop subs just so you can explore yourself. You know you like to be in control so I don't see a reason to have to give that up. My domme is a switch and she has a master. It doesn't change anything about how I view her or if I listen to what she says or not. I think as long as you're honest with whoever you do end up trying to explore your possible submissive side with then that's all that really matters. I want to say you should tell your sub(s) once you start exploring your sub side more, but you may not really need to. I would say that is up to you. If your self discovery is something you're wanting to focus on a lot more and it cuts too much into the time you would normally give your sub, then I think telling them what's going on would be appropriate. If nothing is really changing for them and you don't feel the need to tell them then don't. This is all just my opinion of course. But just because you are noticing some submissive traits in yourself does not mean you are a switch. There is no hard and fast rule really when it comes to figuring out who you are and what you like though. So try to relax and enjoy yourself. You'll get it all figured out :)

ShieMarie - Thanks TLP!!!! I'm pretty transparent so I share it all. A bit of an oversharer if you ask me. Lol

But I really appreciate your reply and for giving insight to your own experience. I definitely don't want to drop any subbies, and I don't even want to give them a smidget less of my time. I think I'm going to stay in my lame for now. Lol and if I get some time or even feel like I'm going to go down that other path, then I'll explore when I am not attached. I mean it's either that or finding someone that understands I'm a Domme first and this other part comes second. Which I can imagine might be tough, because it's technically me pushing back against being submissive.

Like, "Hey, help me explore my submissive side. But also don't encroach on my dominance!?!" I feel that has the potential to get sticky and uncomfortable... Which is why I'm thinking more about dM's reply and being specific about what I need, should I get to this point of active discovery.