How come some people can take the tiniest part of your heart
And make you feel whole
While others can take your whole heart and tear it apart so you never feel whole again
How come the bad guys seem to outdo the good guys
Or make it so you never trust any man, anywhere
Could ever be a good guy for you
How come pain from people can run so deep
It causes you to run to a razor, or drugs, or booze
And hurt yourself physically just to match your broken heart
How come a man's words can bring you to your knees in love
Or can bring you to your knees as you cry out tears into your pillow
Remembering every cruel thing he said
How come some people can take the lifestyle
And make you remember why you ever submitted
While others make you regret the day you ever surrendered
How come the good men finish last,
The bad men win my heart over
And I lay here shattered, broken, and hoping one day to be made whole
How come these scars run so deep
How come this world seems so dark
How come even the tiniest glimpse of trust I no longer can give
I lay here tonight
Crying as memories of the past circle my mind
And all I can ask is....how come?
Thank you all for reading. This is something I had to write as I am now torn between the desire to surrender to a man I know is safe and potentially leaving the lifestyle altogether. A Dom from my past resurfaced in a cruel act against me and it reminded me why I feared this lifestyle and the harm it can bring. I am in a place where I don't want any man to touch me. To speak to me. To have the chance to hurt me. I love this lifestyle. I treasure my submission. But at times like this.....I just wonder why I'm even in it.