Kinky interactions for the D/s inclined

*Do it for me*

I can't

*You can*

I won't

*You will*

It's not me

*It is only you*

I am

*You are*

*Mine*

You're not a submissive. Maybe you're a switch." No kidding, someone told me that I don't know who/what I am.

So much for being open-minded, non-judgmental and not putting people into proscribed definitions.

In a way, I get it. I'm not exactly a complacent sub. By no means would I consider myself a "brat." I do not act out strictly for the purpose of instigating some form of attention whether positive or negative.

However, I am a challenge. I need to challenge. The one who is to dominate me would be frustrated and walk away if they give me pointless tasks, or commands without a logical reason or expectation. So, I will question and investigate instead of blindingly following along. I can't help it.

There are times I can comply quickly and easily (as a proper submissive would); but there are times when I need the rationale behind it.

For example:

Dom: Each day this week, at noon, you are to close your eyes and turn around in three circles.
Proper Sub: Yes, Sir.

How it would work with me:

Dom: Each day this week, at noon, you are to close your eyes and turn around in three circles.
Me: Why?
Dom: Because I told you to do so. (again, sometimes this will work)
Me: That sounds silly. Why would you want me to do that?
Dom: You are racing through life. You take on so much responsibility, you forget that there is someone responsible for you. Noon is a halfway point to your hectic day. It is a time you need to remember you belong to me. By closing your eyes, you will need to think of me and picture me there with you. The turning in circles is to help you focus on the fact that while you can't see and may become disoriented, I'm still here and in control. It is safe for you to lose your balance.

Does this mean I am not a submissive? Does it mean I am not a good submissive?

To me, it means that I am definitely not the submissive for an average Dom.

I like to run. I like to struggle and try to escape. Once again, NOT EVERY TIME but I spontaneously seem to get the urge to flee. Maybe it is after dinner, maybe it is while being tied up, maybe it is while giving head; but the urge hits and off I go!

One of my friends said to me, "Don't you like it?" (meaning the play, wax, flogging, whatever). I said, "Oh yes! I love it!" She said, "Then doesn't running or struggling sort of defeat the purpose?"

I had to stop and think about that.

If I had a Dom who was more likely to think, I don't chase subs. If she wants to be here, she'll have to stay put. If she runs, I'll just leave I'd be incredibly disappointed a great deal of the time.

So, I need that exceptional Dom. The one whose drive to capture and conquer exceeds my drive to run and struggle.

Can the two be reconciled? Can a submissive be challenging, flee spontaneously and struggle against her Dom while still being considered a submissive?

Yes, she/he can. I know this because I am one. I'll consider myself an acquired taste and wait for the Dom who sees me as a gourmet dish worth savoring.

In the same way there are Sensual Doms, Daddy Doms, and Sadistic Doms, I'm my own class of sub. Anyone care to join me?

Something has been on my mind lately. It’s the proclamation that submission is a gift.

I’m not going to discuss the merits of this sentiment because it is an individual perception of what they are contributing to their own relationship and therefore, the terminology needs to only be acceptable to the parties involved.

But let’s look at what it means to give a gift. A gift is something given freely to another with no expectation of anything in return. When you give your submission, are you expecting things in return? Are you making demands upon the recipient? Think carefully.

When you *gift* your submission, you have already made a determination that a particular Dominant was worth bestowing this gift. Once you’ve given it away, it is up to the Dominant how it is used.

I’m going to give you $10,000 for no reason other than I feel you deserve it. Do I have recourse if you blow it all in 24 hours on gambling, drinking and a party weekend for friends that don’t include me? What if you take that money and put food on your table for your children, pay your utilities and eliminate some debt? No, once given, the gift belongs to the recipient. I can’t reasonably turn around and tell you how to spend the money based on my ideas of what should be done.

Instead of money, I’m going to give you a painting. Must you then display it prominently in your living room? No. That painting could be one done by my dog or an original Picasso. Either way, what you do with it once it passes from my hands to yours is up to you.

The fact is, I won’t give something of value to someone unless I believe it will be valued. The greater the value is to me, the more discerning I will be in bestowing it upon someone else.

In my opinion, if you have given your submission, you must then trust that it will be managed in a way that best suits its user.

He may not fuck you and beat you daily. Heck, he may not even do it when you beg on bended knee. You have to trust. You have to absorb your own needs and supplicate yourself to the needs of your Dominant.

Which leads me to the reason I started writing in the first place ...

Gratitude.

Your Dominant has chosen you as much as you’ve chosen him/her (him for my purposes). He has seen value in your submission. He has determined that he can meet his needs through you. He has taken the time to believe that he can take control from you and use it wisely.

Where is the gratitude?

Here you have a Dominant who has taken the time and energy to ask you detailed questions about who you are and how you think. He has taken the time to see beyond the “crazy” and wants more of you. He devotes time and energy into providing you with the control and structure you need. He texts. He calls. He fucks. He beats. He punishes. He disciplines. He structures. He instructs. He talks. He listens. He questions. He absorbs. He laughs. He uplifts. He reassures. He consoles. He demands. He uses.

Is he doing this simply because it gives him a hard on? Well, maybe partly. I mean, would he be a Dominant if it didn’t? But there is more than that.

He sees in you something more than you see in yourself. He wants to show this to you in HIS way, not yours.

It seems, to me, that submissives occasionally get caught up in the orgasms they give and not the ones they receive. Each orgasm you have, each one that is orchestrated by your Dominant, is a lesson; a reward; a reminder; a celebration.

It’s time to look at all that your Dominant is providing you and be grateful for it.

**Dear Dom, **

**Thank you for what you have done for me.**

**Thank you for seeing in me more than I see in myself.**

**Thank you for taking the time to get to know me before agreeing to take me as your submissive.**

**Thank you for pushing me in ways that make me angry, hurt, afraid and unsettled. It is in those ways that I learn and grow. It is how I learn to value you and trust you more.**

**Thank you for meeting my needs by using me for your own.**

**Thank you for feeding my need to submit with your need to control.**

**Thank you for accepting my weaknesses and showing me yours.**

**Thank you for allowing me into your life.**

**Thank you for your sadistically creative torture.**

**Thank you for never letting me forget who owns me.**

**Thank you for your devotion to my care and well-being.**

**Thank you for your erections. There is nothing like knowing your blood is flowing because of me.**

**Thank you for tormenting me with threats and promises.**

**Thank you for your time.**

**Thank you for needing what I have to offer.**

**Thank you for embracing all of me and not rejecting the “crazy.”**

**Thank you for correcting me when I lose my way.**

**Thank you for holding me to a higher standard.**

**Thank you for hurting me.**

**Thank you for caring for me.**

**Thank you for your dominance.**

***THANK YOU!!***

Both men and women write about the male predator dom. Men who demand pictures and submission on first contact. Men who prey on the newbies. Men who will say anything to get what they want.

I know these awful people are out there, but I’ve come across only a very few. The men I know, the majority of the men in my friend’s list, are good guys. They haven’t asked for pictures, they haven’t ordered me around; they listen, they share, they laugh.

But Bitches Be Crazy!

The women here can be equally as dangerous, but no one really talks about that.

**Velcro Collar Bitch:** She changes her relationship status at least twice a month. She is always “owned” by someone. In fact, she usually has 15 listed in her profile. Baby girl, sub, slave, kajira, bottom, under consideration, being mentored, institutional escapee, afraid to be left alone for five minutes, etc.

The guy who falls for her will be skewered on a rotisserie before he can change his status back to normal. He will be labeled a fake and a user. She gave him ***everything***.

**Little Miss Innocent Bitch:** She talks to D-types and plays on their inherent need to protect. She thinks that if she comes across as vulnerable, every man she meets will try to be her knight in shining armor. Meanwhile, she is emailing the next guy about how she “worries” about the guy she tried to manipulate the day before.

The guy who falls for her is in big trouble. Once he tells her that he isn’t interested in a D/s relationship with her, she will release the ugliest, most vile accusations upon him. She will threaten to destroy him for using her and leading her on.

**Stalker Bitch:** She is stealthy. Once she catches sight of a domly one she likes, she reads everything he has written, makes comments, then sees where he has been, making sure to comment immediately after him and reference him in her comment. She will go through everyone on his friends list, all of their pictures and writings; trying to see if he is doing anything with someone else. And the minute she has decided to piss on him (figuratively, not literally), she makes sure to piss a perimeter around him to make all other females back off.

The guy who falls for her will not be rid of her easily. She will email everyone he has contact with to warn them about his status as a player and user. She can’t believe anyone is more desirable than she is and won’t accept defeat.

**Mean Girl Bitch:** She tends to travel in a swarm, like sharks. They circle around one D-type and snipe at anyone who says something against their proscribed thought. They lurk in groups and pat each other on the back about how smart they are. "You're so right." "No, you're so right."

The guy who falls for one of these is warned that when they are involved with one, they are fodder for the swarm. They will be emailing each other about every detail of their version of events and it will always be your fault if things don't go the way they want.

**Me (Bitch):** I’m the one who gets very protective and angry where my friends are concerned. Three of my friends have decided it was necessary to deactivate their profiles because of crazy bitches like these.

****************************************

Just like most men aren’t slimy, underhanded predators; most women aren’t crazy bitches. But they are out there. Proceed at your own risk.

*Disclaimer: These are my opinions, blah, blah, blah*

For years and years the words "Good girl" would turn my knees to rubber and send my heart racing. It was the ultimate compliment and the ultimate reward for things done right.

But while I'm not always a "good girl", I am always a "word girl". I love words.

Words have meaning. Words have meaning to me.

Just like I get bored with the typical "Sir" salutation, "good girl" has lost its ..... *umph* when I hear it. To circumvent the loss of "Sir", I have a tendency to give people their own names: Monty, Mayberry, Ozzy, Prime. These have meaning for me and I don't use them lightly. If I've given someone a special name, that is more powerful than any "Sir" I could utter. It is specific to one person only and, in a way, my gift to them.

"Good girl" just doesn't do it for me any more. I don't know what happened, why it changed or when it occurred but it stopped making me squishy in my girly bits.

There are still words that do have that affect on me and I cherish those when I see them. "Little girl", "little one", "young lady". ***FUCK ME!!*** Young lady is like my kryptonite. I forget everything else and focus on those words when they appear. I become weak in the knees, get warm and tingly through my whole body and it just puts me into that submissive place I love so much.

Does that make me a special snowflake? I don't know. But it is worth thinking about so that I can understand my own subbie brain a little better.

I guess I consider myself special even if I'm not a snowflake.

Do you ever wonder what a sub does when they don't have a Dom?

I've had to answer that for myself. I'm becoming my own Dom.

It's gotten to the point where I put myself in the corner when I need time to focus. I assume positions and practice holding them. I even set criteria and institute consequences for failure.

It's harder to play head games with myself and I can't get up the nerve to try things like anal training.

But overall, I'm a pretty good Dom to me.

I do not beg to serve. 

I serve to beg. 

For those of you who haven't guessed it, I finally found a green vibrator!!  These are not as plentiful as one might expect so I'm thrilled.  

Also found some beautiful green lingerie to go with it.

Green goes well with my red hair and it is my favorite color!

What have you found in your favorite color that surprised  you?

So, there is that.

I want nothing more than to be restrained by leash and collar.   On my knees begging to serve.

Collared and leashed. On my knees, spread open. Waiting. 

Am I serving him?  As i move between his legs and spread them further? 

Am I serving him as i move closer with my mouth?  Breathing hot air upon his shaft.

Moving my lips to be closer to the head.  Breathing hot air across his length.

Waiting for her command......

"Touch him", she says.  But I can't.  I want to obey but my lips scream NO!!!

A jerk of the chain and I'm brought back to she who owns me.   "Please," i beg.  Let me service him.

I move closer.  tongue at his head.  Slowly lathing down the shaft.  Encircling his balls with my tongue.  Engulfing them in my whole mouth.  Sucking frantically.  Feeling him get harder and harder.

Is that possible?

*smack*  I feel the sting of her leash on my ass.  I'm disobeying a direct order.

"Worship him!"   And I do.  I lathe his head and shaft with eager lips. Stroking and begging for him to cum in my mouth. Wrapping my lips around the head and coating him in my want.

"Please!"

I look to him, then to her.

"Please?"

I'm begging now.

"Yes, he will cum on you."

Sweet release as his cum pours over my lips and chest.

Yeeeesssss

Sweet release.

For the majority of you, this writing may be irrelevant. The number of Domly Ones who have psychic abilities is astronomical. Just ask them. They instinctively know what a sub needs, what they want and exactly the perfect way to achieve it each and every time.

For the rest of us we actually have to COMMUNICATE. Ugh! I hate it when that happens. Trying to express how I feel or what I need is hard. My attempts sound something like this:

Me: Domly One?

Domly One: Yes, baby girl? (raised eyebrow, slight smile, evil glint in his eyes)

Me: I feel .......

Domly One: Tell me.

Me: I feel .......

Domly One: What is it, little one?

Me: I feel ...... blechy

On any given occasion, blechy can mean; horny, frustrated, lonely, cold, bored,
hungry, bitchy, ticklish, tired, etc, etc

My particular Domly One is not one blessed with the oh-so-common psychic powers of absolutely EVERY Domly one who tells me, "I know what you need."

So, fellow sublettes, what are our options? The Domly Ones want to know what we think and feel. It is listed in their handbook that they must ask at least 12 unanswerable questions per week. (Don't ask me how I know this. Let's just say my best friend knows where a body is buried). But if they don't ask ..... what then?

Enter dreaded TFTB! Topping From The Bottom. Please come back! Don't run in fear. TFTB causes an instant reaction in the Domly ones that terrifies us meek and humble servants-of-their-deviant-desires. We fear their reprisals and damnation for committing the 2nd Deadly Subbie Sin. (The first being sending hooha pics that weren't solicited in advance. Just learned that one myself). We shiver and shake when we hear TFTB. It turns us sublettes into tattletales akin to those in the Salem Witch trials. You've never seen subbies turn on each other faster than the minute they hear TFTB. See? I can't even spell it out because I need to be able to sit this week.

Me: Domly One?

Domly One: Yes, babygirl?

Me: I need to be beaten (maybe for fun I'll even be on my knees with a crop in my hand, but maybe not)

Domly One: Works for me!

Now, if I post this on Fet, here is what would happen....

True Sublette: HOW DARE YOU TELL THE DOMLY ONE WHAT YOU NEED! YOU AREN'T A REAL SUB! WHO ARE YOU TO MAKE DEMANDS OF THE DOMLY ONE?!?! YOU LOATHSOME BITCH! CRAWL BACK INTO YOUR FAKE SUBBIE PROFILE AND NEVER SPEAK AGAIN!

Brown-nosing Sublette: I'd never tell the Domly one what I need. It's up to Him to decide what He wants to give me. All hail the Domly One.

Feisty Sublette:* Race you to the bedroom?*

All Knowing Sublette: Eeeek. You're Topping From The Bottom. You don't deserve a Domly One. He should never beat you again.

Perfect Sublette (shout out to SubtlePrincess19): I need whatever you need.

Every Other Sublette On The Planet: Ooo, Ooo, ME NEXT!!! I need it too.

Newbie Sublettes: What in the hell are you people talking about? Do I tell him or not?

Ultimately, it really is about communication.

Communication is the key to getting to know each other, understand each other and best meet each others' needs.

If you need a beating, tell him. You may not get it, but at least he knows. If you need to cuddle, tell him. You may not get it, but he will respond. If you need orgasm denial, tell him. He might turn it into forced orgasms, but you can bet he'll be thinking about denial in the near future. If you need to be centered, tell him. Experiment with different things until you find what works for you.

You may have been together for a million seconds or a million years but you are changing and he is changing. It is okay to say you want soft/cuddly one day and have your ass ripped to shreds the next. It doesn't make you a liar or a fake. It doesn't mean you are crazy or deceptive. It means your needs change.

What I've decided for myself (with the help of some interesting discussions) is that TFTB is when you are in the middle of a scene saying, "You missed a spot." Communication is after a scene (or any other time that you aren't in the middle of it) openly expressing the part of you that wants to say, "Gimme, gimme, gimme!"

More importantly, communication; whether by posting a writing on Fet, writing it in chalk on your driveway, making cupcakes covered with your words, screaming at the top of your lungs, or smoke signals; is whatever you two decide it is.

Express yourself freely and ignore people who tell you are wrong for doing exactly that. They will communicate in their way, you do it in yours.

I prefer packing a suitcase, draining the bank account and standing at the door pouting.... but whatever works, works. If it doesn't work, try something else. Or, consider finding a psychic Domly one.

Guess now would be a good time to plug the airplane banner company I just purchased