This post is another related to long distance M/s. It only reflects the ideas and thoughts of those within this specific dynamic. If you do not happen to agree with them, awesome. Feel free to share your perspective in the comments!
In O/our dynamic W/we often talk about "pitfalls" or "landmines" those are not the same thing. Pitfalls can be seen coming down the bend, landmines you can't. They just explode on you. Every relationship of every stripe and color can run into pitfalls and landmines, it's nothing unique. However, long distance can make them quite a bit harder to navigate. As it does with most things... thus an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure applies.
In my early days a specific image captivated me it was of a couple working on position training. The words written across the image: "The first lesson a Dominant and submissive must learn is patience, without patience discipline has no foundation."
Long distance M/s provides plenty of opportunity to practice patience... to put it kindly. Whenever I'm asked about my relationship in a vanilla context I well up with tears and all I have to say is: "What man do you know who is willing to wait TEN YEARS to let you parent your kid... there is no such man. It doesn't exist." Does he have to wait for me hell no. That right there took a lot of personal growing to not feel insecure about! No, he most certainly does not have to wait. He makes the intentional decision to be patient and reminds us both why it is worth it. What value I add to his life... and I am mindful about why he is worth the same and what value he adds to mine. It would be a BOOK.
One of the pitfalls that has been brought to our attention is the natural consequence of the age difference between U/us. It's pretty bizarre, but his parents and aunts and uncles have all felt the need to discuss age differences and how that has impacted their marriages *facepalm* Multiple times throughout our relationship his mom and dad and aunts and uncles have taken us each aside to talk about their marriages and the issues they experience due to a large age gap. It has not mattered who the older partner was male or female, the issue was the same. One was slowing down and one was not ready to do so. One had lost their libido and the other had not. Yes, those conversations were uncomfortable, but I believe they were intended out of love. They were pointing at the elephant in the room: yes, I'm older. Yes, I've had 2 kids. Yes, I'm not quite as physically fit as he is. They are concerned that as well intentioned as we are, that we will end up falling into a canyon we think we can hurdle.
So we talk about it. We check in. We acknowledge a really important part of long distance M/s is ensuring that both people have compatible mentalities. I'm not taking about kink exclusively. I'm taking about in all areas. W/we constantly check in to be sure that O/our goals, values, and mentalities of importance align.
This is a pitfall for most long term relationships. You start out on the same road, and then over time you both grow and shift... and if you aren't careful you shift in opposite or competing directions.
Last summer W/we went floating on the Bow River. We went with one of His "work wives" (I know them both and love them both. This one told Him outright that if he ever f***s it up with me... she is bringing me home LOL. I think she meant it too!) and a couple of her friends. Within short order He and I had taken over paddle duty. It was not a particularly quick moving river. Heck at the very beginning he had to go overboard to rescue a hat for one of them (rescuing hats for damsels in distress is a repeated theme in his life.) So the water was not moving particularly quickly, it was one of those tides that as long as you kept an eye down the river you could "make small adjustments" and end up where you wanted to go for the vast majority of the time. Yes, there were a couple of hairy spots that W/we both needed to concertedly paddle to get through the rocks and rapids... but mostly it was a quiet moment to watch Him, watch the river. and just adjust accordingly. If I was unclear whether He wanted to take the left or right hand direction I simply asked. However, if W/we had both been paddling without watching the other, or waited too long to make a choice in the direction it would have been far more work to "right the ship" and W/we might have run aground.
It's a great metaphor for the lifestyle. I found a cat dying from heat exhaustion outside. I brought her in, bathed her, fed her, and searched for her owner. When the owner was not found I kept her. When He finally met her (and the Conure Bridgette) He fell in love with both of their personalities and thanked me for bringing them into His household. If W/we did not value the same things it could easily have been "one more complication!"
Yes, W/we might fall into some of those pitfalls or step on some landmines... it's bound to happen... but if W/we make sure that W/we maintain complimentary mindsets then hopefully small adjustments can be made and the correct path will be easily found.
I cant wait for O/our adventures this summer my Master! <3 Thank You for life. Thank You for excitement and planning. Thank You for waiting for me. Thank You for finding the value in me and U/us. I can't wait for forever.
His slaveMikayla