The task of identifying and laying out my needs is indeed a daunting one. I had to first determine how to even set about that task. After a bit of contemplation, I believed it was best to allow my positive collective memories to drive this. None of these are a result of a negative place of "I didn't get", no. They are instead a product of sitting quietly and living in the positive moments. When did I feel most at home, most comfortable in my life? What was going on that caused me to feel that wonderful sense of peace that comes when all is right in the world? That is not to say that all should be peaches and roses, absolutely not. We will get to the pokes and prods for growth that are an absolute necessity, those things that do not necessarily feel fantastically awesome in the moment, but afterward lead to a depth of relationship and a new closeness in the growth that it brings. Those things will also come.
#1 Time.
I'm sure that everyone here is familiar with love languages, I would be highly surprised if they did not. Many people have a clearly dominant love language that they best speak and hear. I'm one of those unique minority people who has three equally spread love languages. Fun times. Time is one of my three primary love languages. I need time. I need to be around and with my Person in order for all to be right with the world. I'm also an introvert, so that time does NOT necessarily need to happen with us constantly interacting with each other. That would overwhelm me and wear me out rather quickly. By time I mean time spent existing, in tandem, in any way. When I imagine a night spent with my Person a lot of the time I imagine us just sitting together. Him working on his laptop, or playing a game, reading a book, writing, whatever... me beside doing the same. Sometimes I see myself sitting on the floor cross-legged with my back resting on his leg. I'm reading a book, and occasionally he touches my head and hair. Sometimes I turn my head just to kiss his knee. Other times I see us together watching a movie. Me curled up in between his legs on the sofa my head on his lap. I see us sitting knee to knee talking on occasion, discussing some point of mutual interest, or sharing about something personally important.
I'm the kind of person who appreciates every single little thing someone does, and I tend to say it. Pointedly, and often. I will thank my Person for their time, because it matters. I appreciate when my person wants to talk to me first thing in the morning, even if they are all groggy voiced and eyes half open still blurry with sleep. It makes me all forms of happy. I appreciate being allowed to "ride with them" to work, with the phone in the passenger seat or safely in a phone holder on the dash, just so that we can share that time. Nothing pleases me more than when my Person finds the time to call me when they or i am on break at work. When i get so excited to see their name pop up on my phone and i have to quietly whisper a title excitedly as i answer the phone, because i REFUSE to not.... it is too important and too special.
Time to hear about his day, and his stresses. Time to listen to mine, and actually care. Time to be involved in the big and small things in life.
Time to tuck me into bed every night, because he understands that it is very hard for me to sleep if he doesnt. It gives me permission to sleep. My mind will stay active and awake and "on" just incase he needs me. Even if it is 3 am, I'm not really asleep. My phone is in my hand on vibrate and I'm barely dozing because I've not really been "released" to sleep.
When he messages me or better yet calls me to tell me "go to sleep baby girl" ... then and only then can my mind really and truly rest. It puts my heart and mind at ease, because i know he would not release me to sleep if i had not done everything for him that day that I could or should.
Time to share my joys and triumphs, to be proud of the things i do... and allow me to be proud of the things he does.
Time to help me battle the big bad scary things in my life... to sit up with me when the world is too big.
A few of my favorite memories and experiences with being granted the gift of time:
In no particular order:
A Dominant of mine once sat up with me and read to me as I held my very very sick child. She had stridor and whooping cough and i was afraid to sleep. I was so tired. I'd done it alone for 36 hours and i knew i had another 24 to go. i was so afraid I would fall asleep. He stayed with me. He read to me all night and helped me keep watch. I was grateful for his gift of time.
A Dominant of mine once used to call me every day at lunch (my lunch). He would be sure to take his break at the same time just so he could be sure to hear my voice. I remember a recording he sent me, he was telling me how pleased he was with something I'd done and he looked at the time and said: "Whoops! I've got to end this, I'm late in calling you, and I'm sure you are worried. You will be looking at your phone and messaging me "Daddy! Where are you?!" God i love it when I hear your voice so happy to hear me like that. I will never get tired of it." (He did, sadly, but such is life, and it moves on.) The memory still warms my heart. as does the memory of my students noting the stupid grin on my face as I quietly spoke to him during lunch, my phone tucked to my ear.
A Dominant of mine once used to love to surprise me some mornings and put me in the car with him on his drive. He would sometimes let me see his face while he drove and we talked. If the weather was particularly poor, or the weather particularly lovely he would turn the camera so i could "sit in the passenger seat" and watch the drive. I would still know the way to his house by heart. If I was in a car I would be able to close my eyes and know when we were getting close just by counting the turns. It always made me feel so freaking loved that he wanted to share that time with me.
Time. My first need is Time.
https://voca.ro/fVqHkD4xca8 << edited. Hopefully this one plays nicely!
~The Velveteen slave
Needs Series Index:
Taken to Task: https://thecage.co/blog/userblog.php?blog_id=60944&postid=33947
#1 Time: https://thecage.co/blog/userblog.php?blog_id=60944&postid=33971
#2 Growth: https://thecage.co/blog/userblog.php?blog_id=60944&postid=34002
#3 Seen, Heard, Understood: https://thecage.co/blog/userblog.php?blog_id=60944&postid=34083
#4 Safety & Consistency: https://thecage.co/blog/userblog.php?blog_id=60944&postid=34741
#5 R.E.S.P.E.C.T: https://thecage.co/blog/userblog.php?blog_id=60944&postid=35049
#6 Love: https://thecage.co/blog/userblog.php?blog_id=60944&postid=35678
#7 Acceptance: https://thecage.co/blog/userblog.php?blog_id=60944&postid=35883
Finale: The tamed to the Tamer: https://thecage.co/blog/userblog.php?blog_id=60944&postid=36310
Follow up: The Gauntlet: EARN ME! https://thecage.co/blog/userblog.php?blog_id=60944&postid=36373
