At one point in my life I started to carry around a notebook in which I'd write the most powerful statements of affirmation that people said. I had to have this external reminder of outside validation because I had been so emotionally broken that that's what I needed.
Since I met MstrJ, I've never written anything else in that book. I actually have no idea where it is now... whoops.
That isn't to say that He hasnt said anything profound to me, NAH, it's because He has helped me learn how to heal that need inside myself such that I don't need that book anymore.
I'd like to share a couple things with you today...
When W/we first met it was absolutely NOT love at first sight. Don't get me wrong, this Man is the most handsome man I've ever set eyes on... I mean... He is WAY WAY WAYYYYYYY out of my league. He has the most beautiful eyes, the most amazing smile... his hair looks like He comes straight out of a friggin magazine. I owe it to a friend and dammit Jim and a lost bet that now his beard care is *on point!* ... and don't get me started on His arms ... fuck I have a love affair with His arms... His legs put everyone's to shame! .... He is just ridiculous.
No, it wasn't love at first sight, because He is younger than me by quite a bit... and He is newer to the lifestyle than me by a LOT... and when W/we met I was in rough shape. I had just been dropped on my ass at a very hard moment by someone who I thought was such a stable human being, a grown ass man with his life sorted... and then in walks MstrJ and I was unsteady. My protector at the time told me absolutely not. This was not the person for me (and yes, I listened to Her... but at the same time I kept my eyes and ears open.) I watched Him... I listened critically... and here is the first sentence I'd like to share:
"Have I earned you?" ..... let that one sink in for a minute... "Have I earned you?"
A man will tell you exactly what he thinks of you if you listen, you just have to BELIEVE HIM.
I messed up in my previous relationships because I didn't BELIEVE THEM.
"I'm broken... I've but one broken head and yoo many hats to wear." <<< and I'd say "You can do this!" I thought I needed to be his cheerleader. No, what he was saying is: I dont want this responsibility, I'm not capable.
"I'm no good for you." and I'd say "You're the best thing for me!" What he was really saying was "I dont want to do the work to make this a functional relationship that's good for us both."
But then there's MstrJ: "Have I earned you?" .... Unwrap that... "I see value in you." "You are worth working for." "I'm willing to self evaluate to ensure that both O/our needs and wants are met." ....
Statement #2 Before W/we met in person the first time I had so much anxiety over if He would be attracted to me or not. I've done a TON of work to get myself sorted, but the truth is there was a lot to "fix" and there are still miles to go. So one day when I expressed this fear to Him I asked what if someone asked Him why He is with me, noting the "out of my leagueness." His reply without ever missing a beat was "I HOPE someone asks me that, because I already know EXACTLY what I'd say." ... now... I never got to hear His planned response, but the way in which He responded to me told me two things which gave me peace:
#1 He does not hold unrealistic expectations... He knows how far I've come and He knows how far I've still got to walk... He is fully aware that I'm not someone who just stepped out of a magazine (He is)... but He HAS a reply.
#2 He has a considered reply which He is proud of, which means He has some foundation upon which He is steady, and a response which He would be glad to share.... I wish I'd gotten the chance to hear it.
Statement #3 You are the perfect package, always have been... you were just at the wrong address.
I think this is something that applies to U/us both. In previous relationships W/we have failed miserably at making the other person happy. W/we have been weighed, measured, and found wanting.... but that's because W/we weren't meant for those people.
There have honestly been so many important statements in the course of our 4 years, it would take a book to cover them...
but the last one is this:
"You add so much value to my life. Thank you."
Life is hard when W/we aren't together. Life truly comparatively sucks.... it's so much better when I'm here to cook breakfast, get His clothes for the day, pack a fulfilling and nutritious lunch, clean and organize the home when He is at work, plan and execute a great dinner, be emotionally and physically available; entertaining and engaging for the evening, and a warm soft body to comfort in bed.... yeah... comparatively the lack of those tings is deeply felt... #worththewait
He gives me every bit as much, and then some...
Thank You for valuing me, for Your patience, for Your support, for Your pride, for Your guidance... for all that You do for me and kiddo.
~His slaveMikayla
