41!
Oh my gosh, It was just 50 and now it's 41!
https://i.ytimg.com/vi/3Ggye6cl3Y4/maxresdefault.jpg
I have a couple of ways I evaluate a man when I am first getting to know him. I will not share them all here, because that would defeat the purpose. However, I will discuss one. I have learned through experience the truth of the rule: "How a man will treat his parents is how he will treat his wife. How his mama treats his father and vice versa, most of the time that's the general range of what his relationship will be."
I've seen it for the better, I've seen it for the worse.
Remember a few blogs ago the boy whose father would bring his mom flowers when he got paid? They had the most beautiful relationship.
My first fiancée... his parents used to sit and hold hands in church after having been married for over 30 years. There was not a single thing wrong with my relationship with Adam. We would have been a fantastic couple, had I gotten out of my own way long enough to let that happen. Everything that went wrong was a combination of my own youth, misunderstandings about myself, and his misguided ideas born out of love not malice.
My first husband's parents had an AWFUL relationship. He was henpecked AF, and there was nothing loving or healthy in that household.... and I saw those same tendencies in my life.
My second husband had a very rocky relationship with his father, but worse I watched as his father was horribly neglected in his last years. I will not detail it here, but I still to this day cry because of the things I witnessed. Had I understood Arabic better at the time and understood the level of disrespect this woman showed to this man I would NEVER have married their son. I hear the indignation of some saying I shouldnt hold the son responsible for his mother's actions... but he never stopped it. He never stepped in He never ever tried to help... and later on I was on the receiving end of the same mentalities. (I did step in and actively attempt to help in the ways I could. I sat for hours upon hours with a soft bristle brush, Johnson's baby soap and baby oil cleaning his legs which had not been bathed in far far far too long. He was bedridden and could not care for himself) I did not understand that he was being told to "shut up a little" when he called for them. I only understood much later. ... How a man treats his family is how he will treat his partner (and probably holds true for women too)
It is very very very important to me to actively support MstrJ in his relationship with His family. It's very normal when children grow up that they move away and get busy with their lives and their own families and responsibilities. When W/we met it was the start of Covid and everything was locked down. We all know the toll this took on families and relationships. So when it came time to meet and go to His neck of the woods the first time, things were JUST starting to open up. His family had not been together together in YEARS. So I did what I do... and I came up with a plan. Kill 3 birds with one stone. I planned a huge family reunion for them. Most of them had never been to His home, many of them had not seen each other in years and were struggling to find a comfortable reason and way to reconnect, and finally serving Him in such a way that introducing me to His family was easy, logical, and brought Him honor. So W/we planned the First Annual (now semi-annual) MstrJ Birthday Bash.
I'm going to toot my own horn here for one minute:
IT WAS FUCKUNG FANTASTIC.
W/we had the whole family (over 25 people) broken out into teams and scrambled together so that adults were mixed with kids they didn't know well so they could bond. W/we had moms with their youngest so everyone felt comfy.
I got shirts made with a custom logo with everyone's name!
I organized a whole slew of games including a scavenger hunt that took them on foot all around His village (gave Him a chance to show off where He lived) gave the older guys a chance to show the littluns how to solve puzzles and got everyone active.
W/we had games like a water balloon fight and bobbing for apples!
It was incredible. Everyone had a great time from the youngest at a few months old right through to His dad, the Patriarch of the family.
I have soooooo many favorite memories from the event:
I had no idea how COMPETITIVE He is... but his mom outdoes Him! She is out for BLOOD man! At one point it was Him vs her on the bobbing for apples. I thought she was going to bite Him, she literally body checked Him out of the way ROFL! (She is what I'd call a sweet southern belle "Bless Your Heart" style if she was in the US) so this was VERY strange and comical!)
I loved seeing the grins on the older men's faces when they came in with the kids from the scavenger hunt with snow cones and ice creams! The men just grinning over having had a chance to spend time with the younger generation.
I loved seeing a few people take advantage of the "cool off/quiet room" I provided for people who needed an introvert breather.
Then when W/we were all enjoying the BBQ buffet lunch MstrJ and I put on His sister in law came over to inquire about the ring on my finger. She literally thought He had given it to me. I laughed and explained it's a family heirloom... but the reason it made me smile is because it was not said in a shocked/negative tone. "So, what is THIS?" she asks with a huge grin "Did NAME give it to you?"
Then my absolute favorite uncle of His walks over puts his arm around my neck and chimes in "So are you officially family now? Wait, no, scratch that, it doesn't matter. I claim you as family. You are my family." OMG I could not love that man more. <3
Later in the afternoon as all of the family is enjoying making smores and sitting by the firepit that W/we constructed together with stones W/we hauled down by hand from literally up a darn mountain (I'll write that one one day... but same mountain that houses Fun Rock)... they were having smores and same uncle asks: "SO have you ever had a Canadian Camp Pie?" Uh... a what? He grins and walks outside carrying a piece of equipment I've never seen in my life and comes back and introduces me to a BEAUTIFUL campfire cooked raspberry jam sandwich toasted over a fire in a doodad specifically made for that purpose. It was less the sandwich and more the fact that someone specifically went out of their way to include me.
At the end of the day all of those purposes were definitely achieved...
The family reconnected on a very meaningful level, and all of them had a chance to see people they have not seen in years even before covid.
MstrJ had the chance to show then His home, and they got a chance to have a house warming that they never had the chance to before.
He got a chance to show everyone that this relationship is healthy, happy, loving, and real; something that could not be said of past relationships. Actions speak louder than words.
W/we are discussing plans for this year's semiannual Birthday Bash. <3 I'm hoping it will actually be a weekend 2-3 day event which will see either both sides of the family or the other side of the family come down. I love expressing my love for Him this way. I love that He can make use of my talents this way. I love serving Him in a way that brings value and joy to Him and His family.
Thank You for making me a REAL part of Your life. Thank You for making me part of Your family. Thank You for allowing me to show You love in these ways. I love every single person in Your family, and I love the ways W/we can bring life and joy into O/our space.
Love of my Life, You know the picture I love post in the world is the one of You and Your siblings laughing. Please please never ever lose this picture. I want to keep it beside the one of my grandmother holding my mother as an infant, with my two aunts looking over her shoulder. This picture of You, because of all it represents, is among the most precious 5 things in the world to me. I'd love to make a framed version of it alongside the one Dad asked to take with You the day on the mountain when He said he was proud of You.... I'm so blessed and grateful for these memories.
His slaveMikayla
