Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!
It has been a bit, eh?
These weeks I've been Home have been deeply tremendously needed, and I'm sorry I'm not sorry I could not spare even a minute to focus on anything but just filling my "hog-o-meter" and doing the growing that needed to be done. This past month MstrJ and I have been BUSY every single minute of every single day. W/we have been on the go from jump doing amazing and fun things, spending time with family, making new friends, and growing U/us.
W/we have had the opportunity to get more involved with O/our local community which has yielded some amazing new opportunities and friendships as well.
A few days ago W/we went on a camping trip together which was a fantastic and joyous experience as well! While W/we work well together and communicate very well together, there are always new lessons to learn <3 I had not been camping since the 4th grade so learning to put up a tent again was comical to say the least.
Nothing like a night or two sleeping on the ground to remind you of your age, eh? ^_^
No, it was great. I always love the opportunity to be of service in the packing and providing realms, and it was a lovely moment to give Him the chance to head to work and come home and find everything ready, packed, and make His life markedly easier. I also loved sharing "camping food" with the family that travelled with U/us.
Now, the purpose of the trip was leisure, yes, but also deeper. A few days ago was my son's birthday, and those of you who have known me a while know those are some difficult spaces for me to walk. My Master and a close friend/relative gave me the opportunity to use that space for some deeper healing, and apparently it was NEEDED. So I spent Matty's birthday curled on on MstrJ's knee crying on a beautiful soft sand beach, toes in the water, looking up at rocky cliffs and the most blue sky I could ever imagine. I'm a deeply emotional person, but somehow this was an emotion that I had not allowed myself to truly live, or release. It was needed. In the process of that moment, MstrJ had His own very powerful moment that I have permission to share. Vulnerability looks different for me, and this moment was one of the more vulnerable moments that He has been physically present for me with. That was not lost on Him. MsrtJ has given me many names over the years. He has named my Little heart, He has named my slave Heart and both of those were intentionally done. In this moment, however, as He sat with my head on His knee as my heart broke into a million pieces and I cried decades of hurt, disappointment, injustice, and deep seated loss out onto His knee He rubbed my head and hair and the following words came to Him unbidden: "Silver child, you are Loved and you are Mine."
Now W/we are still trying to unpack what Silver child represents for Him and for me... yes, in that moment it related to the strands of hair that are beginning to show my age (and the fact that in that moment they were beautiful to Him), but it is deeper than that. Perhaps it has to do with the childhood which I was denied in my youth childhood marked by joy and instead being replaced by the deep sadness which I was coping with, so maybe it is a hope that I will be able to let go of that sadness and find the child like joy? I dunno. Working on it.
He had another powerful moment when the same dear friend remarked aloud that she could see the love and respect I have for Him.
Today MstrJ is at work, and I'm home tending house and missing Him already. W/we have reached the halfway point in the trip and I'm trying hard not to start thinking about it. I know this year should be easier as W/we have plans to see eachother 3 times not 2... but at the same time it's always a hard thought to consider the time apart. I want to stamp my feet and cry and say "not enough!" "I want to be HOME!" and that's fair... that's so fair, and good and right... but by the same token some of the beauty for both of U/us is in the cycle W/we live being reminded of how drastically W/we improve eachother's lives by the moments and seasons of physical separation. The way within 3 days of my coming Home that He can look around and say "Fuck you make My life better!" by the cleanliness, organized spaces, smell of cooking, and the physical presence of me.... and vice versa too... how yes, I can go back and "do life" but man it absolutely is pale compared to life with Him.
In the coming weeks W/we still have so much to do! W/we have a MasT meeting coming up which W/we are both looking forward to. W/we are planning a rafting/kayaking outing both with ourselves and with some fun kink community friends W/we made. W/we have a food festival to go to with a work friend and his wife... just soooooooo much good. That's not even touching all the growth that has and is happening within O/our relationship itself.
I pray this season has been as positive and filled with growth for all of you. More to come!
Thank You for all you do to take care of my Heart.... Thank You for allowing me to be a part of Your family, and in the process allowing me to find family of my own. Thank You for being open to learning and growing spaces and lessons of Your own, not being stuck in outdated mentalities that do not serve You or U/us. Thank You for all the ways You protect me, support me, and help me to grow. Thank You for constant open communication. Thank You for never shutting down. Thank You for learning to set reasonable boundaries for Yourself, for me, and for U/us. You are the greatest gift in my life. Thank You for being reliable, dependable, and trustworthy. Thank You most of all for the ways You love me... (and for saving me from big ass porcupines in the middle of the night).
His slaveMikayla;
silver child.... Faith.
