Random thoughts of a newbie

so it didn’t work out. I try to be an optimist, but clearly that hasn’t worked out. Back to the drawing board as they say. Although I think I’m rather tired of drawing.

He is everything’s that I want, everything I need. We are taking it slow. He and I both have trauma that we’re dealing with. I am being patient and letting him lead, which is hard for me. I’m just hoping that he decides I’m the one.I’ve already decided that he is the one for me 

I’ve met someone who has serious potential, he gets me in a way that no one else has.

he’s funny, smart, handsome, and our kinks align in so many ways.

And he feeds my little, which is paramount.

I’m  still trying to figure her out, I realized she’s been with me for a very long time, but I haven’t given her the attention she needs. He allows me to do that,

And he has taught me that patience is so important in this dynamic, so I allow him to lead me through it. 

That is all.  

I left this world for a while because I had a lot of life issues that I had to deal with. But I’m back in immersing myself back into the  place I belong.

Seems some things are the same, some never change, but i have.  I’m looking at relocating my life. Going back home to where I am comfortable and feel safe, comfortable and secure.

I left the life because I thought it was a faze, but clearly, after having an absence of two years, something drew me back.

That’s enough for now

Not being able to sleep. My brain goes and goes and goes and goes and goes. Meanwhile I’m flopping around like a fish on the dock. Sometimes it’s really hard to sink into sleep. Going for another try!

I still search for him. We will have a conversation, which will turn into many more conversations which will make me ask questions, and he will ask questions. And we will do the dance and get to know each other. And all of this because I need him and he needs me, though we haven’t met yet. We will know!

So I’ve been gone a few months and have been trying to get my life in order. I recently started a business which has taken a lot of my time.  I’ve also asked myself what do I need in my life. I’ve dabbled in finding someone in a vanilla relationship, and while there are parts of that which are endearing, I don’t know that I can be truly happy. My first Dom still tries to reel me back in, but I do know that he’ll never give me what I need. That brings me back to the question of what do I need?  So here I am, trying to figure it out, And still wishing for him❤️

It’s been a hot minute since I’ve been on here, haven’t had a whole lot of time. I bought a business over the summer and I’ve been struggling to get it back on track from where it was.

Spoke with many people on here and I feel like it really is finding a needle in a haystack and it takes a lot of time and effort which I don’t have right now, so I took a step back.

I thought about giving up the idea of this lifestyle, asked myself if I really needed it, the answer is I’m not sure but I think it is yes.

I have someone that I met almost 2 years ago on a wild work crazy weekend, and he wants to pursue something and I suspect he is a dominant who has not yet quite discovered himself.  So we are going to meet again and figure out what our next move was going to be. 

The sex has always been great, as after that one wild night, we met up again a month later. I haven’t seen him in 18 months but here we are still talking. He wants to pursue a relationship, and I think it could be multifaceted, which thrills me.

He is so many of the things that I look for in a man, kind, intelligent, flirty, has that wild streak. I think he could actually be the perfect mate for me. I suppose I have to ride this one out to see where it goes...

I haven’t been around much, being a new business owner has taken it’s toll on me and leaves me with not much time for extracurricular activities.   Add in the holidays and it’s stretching to the limits.  Missing the interaction with many of you and hoping to be able to get back to it soon! I have so much to catch up on it seems!!!

 Apparently the more things change, the more they stay the same. I’ve been contemplating what I’m feeling, what I’m thinking, and what I’m looking for, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m done looking. Instead I’m going to wait for he who is looking for me.  

I’ve always been comfortable enough in my own skin to not need someone else. The want is always there however.

He will know exactly what I mean. Because he’s been waiting for me as well. My brain hurts from overthinking, my heart hurts from over wanting. From here forward and focusing on me and I feel that he will find me when the time is right.