Scribbles

People keep coming up to me on the street, in the stores, at the circus, even when I'm just getting out of the shower,

and everyone has the same question:

LJ - why are you so happy? Why are you smiling so much? What's with the extra spring in your step?

Why are you sooo hard sooo all the time?

I tell them:

Because I own this.

(And if somehow that doesn't answer their question I tell them to take a look at this!)

And because I am sooo proud and I want the whole world to know.

Thank you to my very own amazing ButterfliesAndCuffs for this fun challenge.

I couldn't decide on just one so to keep it brief I wrote short wiseassy captions.

Dom - "How many times have I told you not to shave your pussy while I'm eating it? You bitch look what you've done to my head!"
Sub - "Yeah, well, I guess that's what you get for taking the ropes off."

Like those times when you set down your phone, walk into another room - and then can't remember where you left it. You check every room in the house, your car, your pockets, but still can't find it! You check everywhere again and again, even start looking in crazy spots like the fridge, the toilet tank, your own pussy...

"Hmmm, I think I've seen this episode before. Ah yes, I remember now. This is the one where the main character peers into the magic box hoping to find the semen he left there the last time he came through town. The picture is a little fuzzy around the edges but maybe if I just kick the stand a few times..."

"What do you mean your 'ass water just broke?' " No don't touch it, you haven't washed your hands! Just relax and I'll apply pressure until help arrives. Dammit I told you not to order the Szechuan!"

Step 1. Insert finger A into release vent B to prevent any unintentional leakage.
Step 2. Grip hand C tightly around release vent D to block air from exiting.
Step 3. Wash with gentle soap and warm water, and leave out to air dry.
Step 4. Return unit to the back of Daddy's closet before Mommy gets home.

"No, no, stop, I told you I'm ticklish! Agghhh get off me!"

Just released, the new rechargeable, touch-sensitive, automatic face-door opener/closer. Includes USB cable, recessed button, and Audio User Interface to remind you that even after all these years you still have no idea how to use it correctly.
Available from fine retailers everywhere, or order overnight shipping from Amazon and receive a complimentary spider/bat/thingy (shown.)

Like the moment that you realize that you accidentally left your ventriloquist dummy at the whorehouse.

"It's ok babygirl, I know you haven't eaten in several weeks, but Daddy is here now and I've taken care of everything. I promise, once you smell the large pizza I just ordered for myself those roofies will wear off real quick."

"Wait a second... didn't I leave some semen here last time I came through town?"

Step 1. Pretentious GQ pose.
Step 2. Hand on hip for maximum sass.
Step 3. Belt handy in case someone wearing assless chaps happens by for a quick visit.
and...
Shit. I sat on my stapler again didn't I. Great, my stapler is up my ass again. This always happens. And I'm out of frame. I hate selfies.

(Now that was fun!)

Eyes that could interpret the dreams of angels, and a smile that could give heaven an orgasm.

She is mine.

Thank you to Cai for this fun challenge.

It only took me a few seconds to think of this one. It is an inside joke that only makes sense to 1 person, and only she knows why it's so funny and why it moves me.

And it doesn't hurt that it is by the greatest band ever.

I'm nervous and sweaty, and a little bit scared too.

Sometime around mid-November last year, I caught something. I thought it was just a little tickle, a temporary bug that would probably pass all by itself, but it didn't.
About a month later while celebrating a friend's birthday I realized that it was no longer simply a little tickle. In fact I had grown so accustomed to living with it everyday that it had somehow grown stronger without my even having noticed.

Then for the next month or so the symptoms only got worse and worse, and I had begun to worry that I might never recover. By the beginning of this month things were really, really bad so I decided it was past time to see what what the hell I was suffering from, hopped a plane, and flew out to consult a professional about it.

Long trip, boring flight - followed by 6 days and 5 nights of Us.
Me and Her. Learning and experiencing everything about each other; non-stop touching, constantly laughing, finishing each other's thoughts, and never wanting to let go of each other or even get dressed (yes, yes, fine, butt stuff too if you must know. Geez, mind your own business!) It wasn't merely right - it was weird right. And both of us feel better and happier together than either of us could remember being.

She is amazing. We are amazing together. And as it turns out I wasn't sick at all, I was just crushing wicked hard!

So here I am, 3 months, 6 days, 5 nights and forever later. A bit wet, but in a nice, warm, happy, scared way. And all I want to do is to shout loudly enough that everyone can hear:

ButterfliesAndCuffs, my dearest little love, now that I've caught you I will not let go. I never want to be without you.
Deal with it.

Yet Another Predictive Text Challenge

It's time for more predictive text fun but this time I am giving you a list of random topics. I put them in alphabetical order so read the whole thing first, then pick your 3 favorites. You can make them singular or plural, present/past/future tense, noun or verb, but just remember - you are only allowed to choose topics from this list!

- Anal bleaching
- Bacon
- Boobs
- Cock blocking
- Edging
- Gummy worms
- Head games
- Itchy cunt
- Juice box
- Llama colon
- Mud flaps
- Poo
- Pork butt
- Public pussy
- Spanking
- Thick dick
- Third nipple
- Tickling
- Vampires
- Wiggling
- Zebra sphincter

examples:
- Thick dicks are perfectly equipped for all things that make you drink.
- Pork butt and all of your meat is very important.
- Gummy worms can help with a very simple and effective solution.
- Anal bleaching didn't make me any more money.

Now pick your 3 favorites, post your answers in your blog so everyone can see, and most of all Have Fun!

Thank you to B&C for this fun challenge.

It always happens this way. It began as one haiku but then I thought of another one. And then another. I couldn't decide which to post so here they all are.

(Haiku)

The next time I cum
When I say the word "action!"
Give me a big smile...

(Two-ku)

Just for added fun
This one will rhyme when it's done
And I will have won

(Three-ku)

It crept up on me
I do not know it's real name
I know only her

Thank you to the one and only ButterfliesAndCuffs for this fun challenge!

Dirty Limerick

The solution in the photograph
Was so elegant it made me laugh:
By extending the bar,
Spread her legs wide and far -
Dividing her neatly in half!

According to people who follow numbers and such this is considered to be the last of the "2's" meaning

02/02/2002

02/20/2002

02/22/2002

02/02/2022

02/20/2022

and now

02/22/2022

Just sayin'

R.I.P. Meatloaf

Marvin (Michael) Lee Aday

(September 27, 1947 – January 20, 2022)