I have heard from many women here who are of the opinion that a man with a username that seems to refer to a body part, or who sends unsolicited dick pics, must be overcompensating for some perceived shortcoming. They have suggested that the exact opposite of what the username might indicate is actually the truth, and I can imagine how sometimes that might be. I have been asked by some of those same women if that is the origin of my UN; been accused of doing the same thing. But I am not compensating in any way for anything. My name has nothing whatsoever to do with my cock. In fact, it wasn’t even my idea.
So instead of having to explain this every time I’m asked, in hope of limiting the questions and accusations I have decided that for the first time, here, publicly, never before on this stage or any other anywhere in the known universe, I will tell my story. It is simple, kinda funny, and depending on who you ask, terribly clever. It began like this, many years ago...
I was talking to a friend about how since I was recently single, I wanted to find someone to have some fun with. He said that he had a female friend in a similar situation and that’s when he came up with an idea about getting us together as regular fuckbuddies in what he cleverly called a “Nothing Personal” relationship. Hardly an original idea but it was simple and worked for us: no phone numbers, addresses, work places, parts of town, personal emails, family information, social media, no other acquaintances other than our mutual friend who vouched for us, etc. Nothing Personal. Not even our names.
But we had to have some way to communicate; some way to address each other. So once again our friend in his infinite cleverness invented what he believed were suitably anonymous names. For purposes of conversation I became Johnathan Long and she was renamed Katherine Fresh (we had no idea at the time why he would give her such a less common surname than mine but more on that in a sec.) He then shortened our first names to John and Kathy, then again to a more casual Johnny and Kitty (no doubt becoming more and more excited as we approached the denouement of his clever little scheme.)
Needing a means to contact one another we chose a minor messaging program, then all that remained were emails in order to sign up. Once again, clever little fuck that he was, our mutual friend used our pseudonyms to invent email addresses in order to open accounts and use the chat: LongestJohnny@whatever.com, and FreshestKitty@whatever.com.
Let’s all take a moment to collectively wince at how fucking cheesy that was.
But that’s how it all began. Eventually my association with this woman ended and I have neither seen nor heard from her since. Our mutual friend never divulged any info, at least not to me.
A couple years later I decided to join a BDSM site. I still had the email address and since I needed a suitably anonymous name again why not use it? When I tried to sign up it turned out that someone was already using Longest (!) so I had to change it to Longer, arriving at the UN I use now. I have used this UN and email account on a total of 4 BDSM sites since then, including here.
That’s the whole story. So you see, my UN is only anecdotally associated with my cock, I have never sent a dick pic to anyone who did not explicitly request one, and other than the handful of people here that have actually seen my cock (in pics, vids, on cam or in person) it has not made an appearance – even in my username!
