My invitation must have gotten lost in the mail...
Regrettably I wasn't present for the debate over a question that I have heard asked a lot -
When and why did disliking someone else's fetish become synonymous with kink shaming?
Fun Life:
Those among us of a certain age may remember a variety show that aired between 1975 and 1979 which was hosted by a brother and sister from well known singing family. One could call them "popstars" but that person would have to be either very generous, or totally unfamiliar with Casey Kasem (another nugget from that era.)
The show was the sort of treacly, wholesome fluff that was perfectly suitable for Friday night sitting around the tv with the family, playing with that new-fangled remote control channel-changer thingy.
One of the signature segments was a cool duet called "I'm a Little Bit Country, I'm a Little Bit Rock and Roll" where the siblings would trade off vocals, the sister singing a country song, the brother singing a rock song. It was a gimmick created by the producers to attract as wide an audience as possible by suggesting that the siblings were in musical opposition, seeming to have a disagreement about which genre is "better." Predictably, at the end of the song the two were in perfect harmony, we all sang along, it was everyone's favorite segment, and the show was beloved the world over. It was cute.
Of course, it was all pretend.
Real Life:
Things are not always so predictable or entertaining. Some examples:
About a year ago I was attempting to explain DDlg to a close friend. She is a single mother of three wonderful children, and had a very strict religious upbringing. I really, really tried, but I knew her well enough to understand that look on her face. She disapproved, she didn't understand it, and she didn't like it. She couldn't get her head around SSC or power exchange. However, knowing that it is a big part of my life, she accepted it. We ended that call much like any other.
"I love you, see you this weekend."
"I love you too, call me tomorrow."
Or words to that effect. She disliked the lifestyle, but there was no shaming.
By way of contrast, I met a woman about 4 years ago, and during an early conversation the subject of S/m came up. That's when things got very tense. She verbally attacked me about how Sadism is just an excuse and a cover for men who like to abuse women, that no woman would EVER consent to that, that any man who even considered it was a disgusting, sick fuck, and how I should be ashamed and have my balls lovingly massaged by an angry belt sander.
Or words to that effect. She aggressively disliked the lifestyle, and there was lots of shaming going on.
Lastly, I overheard this conversation not long ago. Lets just say it was between persons A and B:
A- The thought of someone being abducted, blindfolded, completely restrained, and forcibly, violently, and repeatedly sexually abused... that just soooo turns me on!
B- Don't some people find that a little rape-y?
A- Well, it's like this (explained the experience) What do you think?
B- Well, I think (shared opinions) You know what I mean?
Or words to that effect. They talked about it. There was no liking or disliking, no agreeing or disagreeing, and no shaming.
People can like each other's fetishes. Or not. Sometimes people will shame another. Or not. And some people are in total sync! During my time in this lifestyle I have experienced all of the above and found that YES - sometimes they are kinda the same. Sometimes they are mutually exclusive, sometimes neither happens, sometimes both. But they are not necessarily the same thing, therefore NO - they are not synonyms.
