A Dom's Tale ~ The journey there and back again

This will not be one of my better blogs, but it will be a therapeutic rambling on my behalf, so I beg your indulgence. I find some clarity in times like this, through my writings here. Today, I find my mind heavily preoccupied asking myself a very serious question ..... Am I a Dom at all, or is this just some passing attraction I thought I was, but can truthfully never be...

I do not know the answer to my question, and no amount of soul searching is making the answer any clearer. This search for the true dynamic has rendered it's tolls upon my soul. And as with all things, the stronger the flames, the more intense the burn if you falter in your steps... I thought I knew my place, my heart, my search. But I have hurt the object of my affection in my most recent attempts, by being what I thought I was supposed to be, but as they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions... but that is precisely what a Dom, a True Dom, is supposed to prevent ... not cause. So I await the outcome of my actions, my participation ......

Please don't mistake this for self pity, I an truly wrestling within myself as to how to embrace the future. Perhaps I, and the people I may encounter should I continue this journey, would be better served if I simply abandoned the course, tore down the playroom, and turned it into a funeral pyre for the adventure.... and took my place among the onlookers instead of the participants......

    The holidays are upon us. Tonight in the USA marks Thanksgiving Eve,  For many of us .. a heartfelt time to be filled with new and old memories alike. Memories of family gatherings, spending time with loved ones, giving thanks for the blessings in our lives, cherishing one another. 

   Yet for many, this marks the beginning of the hardest part of the year. a time when the normal sadness and solitude of a life seemingly alone forever is magnified a hundred fold, now even further amplified by the horrors and isolation of this pandemic. When it seems all there is around us is the vast dark vacuum, devoid of human touch, caring, caress, or kindness. If you wish to relate to the feeling, imagine this multiplied times infinity ......

It is for them that I blog today. They are the ones crying tonight, or perhaps it's the one who is suddenly driving people away with anger. Those in our community and beyond it's borders that feel lost, alone, adrift in a void without the merest semblance of hope for salvation.  You can spot them if you wish to, all you have to do is open your eyes and hearts and look. Friday morning, when everybody is reliving their holiday highs, they will be the one looking down, or walking away. They may be the ones blogging here in our own family, reaching out in pain, or skillfully hiding it.  And there are a million other ways to spot them ... please try. A kind word, a smile, a fast note of encouragement, or maybe just have an available ear or shoulder to lean on, TELL them, make them know .....

Reach out a hand to them, give them 30 seconds of your time, maybe just send them this ....

So please, as we enjoy this time, remember, there are those who need us, some that will never speak the words, but spend a little time for the next couple of months at least handing out a few little extra scoops of kindness, a hug without reason, a reassurance where none seems needed, or friendship....

God Bless you and your families, and keep them safe during the coming months...

~ID~. 

Reposting as promised,  This blog tale comes By request from one who read and enjoyed the Christmas Tale, now comes my first attempt at a Thanksgiving tale .. and I have high hopes this will also become my future now... hope you all enjoy it (slightly edited) ....

   As she awoke that late November morning, she gently rolled over to silence the alarm clock, and his scent was still there on his side of the bed, his pillow still warm from where he had laid with her through the night. She reflected back on this first year together with her Dom. She recalled how before him, she had felt her life was so together, so complete, she had accomplished so much. What she knew now, that had escaped her then, was how finding each other would so radically change her heart, and life.

   So on this first Thanksgiving Eve together, she had come to a life altering decision.. she was going to take a chance on something her heart had locked away forever, but forever held no meaning to her now. As he walked toward the front door, he was taken aback... for she was knelt by the door, but not in her normal Nadu position to bid him “hurry home”, as they had vowed to never say “goodbye”, unless it was to be final. As he approached however, her hands slowly raised together, presenting an envelope to him. On the outside was simply written “Sir, please go to work, and open only in private, and alone”. She was trembling as the tears found their way out of her red swollen eyes and ran down her cheeks when he grasped the envelope.

   His mind was racing with a thousand possibilities of what could be inside. Could this be the end? Am I to lose her? Is there something so terribly wrong it cannot be repaired? Has her heart led her to another? Has she taken ill? Try as he might, the morning commute was totally overshadowed by that envelope, and what it may contain, sealed now by her tears. Never in his life had so few minutes taken so many years to pass by. By the time he got to his office, he was trembling in fear, his mind racing through the possibilities. As he literally ran into his his office, he left instructions not to be interrupted for any reason. He closed and locked the door behind him, and stared blankly at the envelope for a few moments before finally finding the courage to open it, it read ….

To Sir,

This world that I walked in, I wandered alone,
and had long since surrendered, A Dom called my own.
So I took all my love, and deep darkest fears,
And will to submit, all buried for years.

I had searched from my True Dom, for far way too long,
and was forced to consider, my life all alone.
For despite all my efforts, my search was in vain,
And I just could not face it, so hollow, such pain.

I feared that a True Dom, so seldom and rare
At least one I wanted, for whom I could care,
To walk thru this life with, and give my heart to,
would never be found, until there was you.

You offered your friendship, not making demands,
you took time to know me, at times held my hand.
Our lives slowly banded, our hearts and our souls,
And never you've faltered, My Sir.... in control.

So today I give thanks, to God and to you,
For finding my dreams, and making them true.
I’ve just one request, as this note I requit,
To you heart and soul now, I eternally submit.

   He was unaware at the time. But those tears, the ones that fell from her eyes as he left that morning, he had taken with him, and they now found their way down his cheek. He checked his schedule for the day, and it was booked solid. Then, in the notes he saw “set her hairdresser appt 11:00. He told his secretary to clear the days schedule, and after that, to take this Thanksgiving eve off as well, with pay, and close the office for him, as he could not be delayed.

   As she opened the door, hands overrun with groceries for their Thanksgiving dinner, she gasped in disbelief at the sight before her. The groceries fell to the ground, unnoticed by either of them. There, in the entryway, was her Dom, in the middle of the work day, kneeling before her on a single knee, head deeply bowed, and arms outstretched, presenting an envelope, taped to a slender golden package. On the outside of the envelope was written “My reply, please open immediately” It read:..

My love,

I too wandered this life, and did so alone,
And likewise surrendered, a sub of my own.
I’d spoke with so many, but none quite a fit,
I felt so defeated, and ready to quit.

I felt that my true sub, gentle and fair,
would forever evade me, then I found you there.
You were unlike all others, and so out of my reach,
your beauty abounded, had taken my speech.

First let me thank you, for becoming my friend,
I’m eternally grateful, for the time that you’d spend,
just talking and laughing, and letting me know,
that my heart had a small chance, that love just might grow.

From your first touch upon me, so soft and so sweet,
I was instantly taken, for you my heart beats.
And all that I am, or may still yet become,
I owe to you only, you are now my "one".

And so now time finds us, together at last,
Our hearts beat as one now, our fears in the past.
And when I was certain, I could ask for no more,
this gift that you offer, brings me to the floor.

Never in my life, in my wildest dreams,
could I ever imagine, a gift so extreme.
I humbly accept now, this offer you make,
This collar I offer, if you would but take….

   Nobody knows for sure what happened after that, but what is known is that the groceries remained on the doorstep for the entire Thanksgiving weekend, and when she left to go shopping Monday morning, she wore a golden necklace that she would never again be seen without, but yet when they were seen together, the light shining from inside them both made it very difficult to see.

  And.. if you ever asked either "What are you thankful for this Holiday Season?", you could almost make out an aura of extreme power surrounding them both as their eyes were instinctively drawn to each other, yet no answer would ever be given, why would it need to be ....

been asked before what an ENFJ on the briggs meyer test is, this graphic explains it the best that I have found,  in case you were wondering  :)

   I do not know if I have met you yet, that part of my future still seems so cloudy and uncertain to me. I see glimpses of you everywhere, I can almost feel your breath upon my chest as I hold you in the night... in my dreams.  But... I do know that I will keep searching for you until God takes me from this Earth, or until I find you. God, if you hear me as I rage against the dying of the light, my voice drowned by the raging storms of life, grant me this one request, bring to her this message of promise, this message of hope, and let her know I am coming..... I just don't know when ...

By request from one who read and enjoyed the Christmas Tale, now comes my first attempt at a Thanksgiving tale .. hope you enjoy it ....

   As she awoke that late November morning, she gently rolled over to silence the alarm clock, and his scent was still there on his side of the bed, his pillow still warm from where he had laid with her through the night. She reflected back on this last year together with her Dom. She recalled how she had felt her life was so together, so complete, she had accomplished so much. What she knew now, that had escaped her then, was how finding each other would so radically change her heart, and life.

   So on this first Thanksgiving Eve together, she had come to a life altering decision.. As he walked toward the front door, he was taken aback... for she was knelt by the door, but not in her normal Nadu position to bid him “hurry home”, as they had vowed to never say “goodbye”, unless it was to be final. As he approached however, her hands slowly raised together, presenting an envelope to him. On the outside was simply written “Sir, please go to work, and open only in private, and alone”. She was trembling as the tears found their way out of her red swollen eyes and ran down her cheeks when he grasped the envelope.

   His mind was racing with a thousand possibilities of what could be inside. Could this be the end? Is there something wrong? Has she taken ill? Try as he might, the morning commute was totally overshadowed by that envelope, and that tears that had sealed it. So, when he got to his office, he left instructions not to be interrupted for any reason. He closed and locked the door, and stared at the envelope for a few moments before finally opening it, it read ….

To Sir,

This world that I walked in, I wandered alone,
and had long since surrendered, A Dom called my own.
So I took all my love, and deep darkest fears,
And will to submit, all buried for years.

I had searched from my True Dom, for far way too long,
and was forced to consider, my life all alone.
For despite all my efforts, my search was in vain,
And I just could not face it, so hollow, such pain.

I feared that a True Dom, so seldom and rare
At least one I wanted, for whom I could care,
To walk thru this life with, and give my heart to,
would never be found, until there was you.

You offered your friendship, not making demands,
you took time to know me, at times held my hand.
Our lives slowly banded, our hearts and our souls,
And you’ve never faltered, this one in control.

So today I give thanks, to God and to you,
For holding my dreams, and making them true.
I’ve just one request, as this note I requit,
To you heart and soul now, I humbly submit.

   He was unaware at the time. But those tears, the ones that fell from her eyes as he left that morning, he had taken with him, and they now found their way down his cheek. He checked his schedule for the day, and it was booked solid. Then, in the notes he saw “set her hairdresser appt 11:00. He told his secretary to clear the days schedule, and after that, to take this Thanksgiving eve off as well, with pay.

   As she opened the door, hands overrun with groceries for their Thanksgiving dinner, she gasped in disbelief at the sight before her. The groceries fell to the ground, unnoticed by either of them. There, in the entryway, was her Dom, in the middle of the work day, kneeling before her on a single knee, head deeply bowed, and arms outstretched, presenting an envelope, taped to a slender golden package. On the outside of the envelope was written “My reply, please open immediately” It read:..

My love,

I too wandered this life, and did so alone,
And likewise surrendered, a sub of my own.
I’d spoke with so many, but none quite a fit,
I felt so defeated, and ready to quit.

I felt that my true sub, gentle and fair,
would forever evade me, then I saw you there.
You were unlike so many, yet so out of my reach,
your beauty abounded, had taken my speech.

First let me thank you, for becoming my friend,
I’m eternally grateful, for the time that you’d spend,
just talking and laughing, and letting me know,
that our hearts had a small chance, that love just might grow.

And so now time finds us, together at last,
Our hearts beat as one now, our fears in the past.
And when I was certain, I could ask for no more,
this gift that you offer, brings me to the floor.

Never in my life, in my wildest dreams,
could I ever imagine, a gift so extreme.
I humbly accept now, this offer you make,
This collar I offer, if you would but take….

   Nobody knows for sure what happened after that, but what is known is that the groceries remained on the doorstep for the entire Thanksgiving weekend, and when she left to go shopping Monday morning, she wore a golden necklace that she would never again be seen without, but yet when they were seen together, the light shining from inside them both made it very difficult to see.

  And.. if you ever asked either "What are you thankful for this Holiday Season?", you could almost make out an aura of extreme power surrounding them both as their eyes were instinctively drawn to each other, yet no answer would ever be given, why would it need to be ....

I ran this last year, many seemed to enjoy it, and I really enjoyed writing it ... so I revisited and edited it a bit for this year .. I'll repost it closer to the thanksgiving and Christmas as well  :)

Twas the night before Christmas, just home from the pub,
Not a creature was stirring, 'cept me and my sub,
She was tied in her stockings in my dungeon with care,
With the hope that her Dom, soon would be there;

 Her bottom I'd paddled, now warm and so red,
;While the thought of an orgasm, danced in her head.
With my sub damn near naked,  and me in my cap,
I’d just settled her down, for more swats on my lap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the dungeon to see what was the matter.
from the side of the window, so no neighbor we’d flash,
still rubbing her bottom, still warm as fresh ash,

The moon glancing off her, my sub white as snow
Got me just a bit horny from my head to my toe,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
I glanced at the clock, midnight it did chime,
We were up way too late, now we had no more time.

My wishes I’d asked for now raced through my mind,
But we were still awake, Santas here... in a bind.
We were both well aware, if he saw us awake,
No gifts would be left, our holidays at stake!

We dashed for the bedroom, got there in a tick,
But just too damn slow, racing good ol’ St. Nick.

He’d caught us awake, now the presents were lost,
But he just faintly smiled, we well knew the cost.
My sub started weeping, laying there on the bed,
Her eyes getting swollen, tear filled and red.

My Sir, please forgive me, she started to say,
I fear I have failed you, and ruined this day.
My love I retorted, there’s no fault in you,
And I knew in an instant, the deed I must do.

Please Santa, I pleaded, it was not her fault,
I kept her awake, tied up by the vault.
She gives me so much, and asks for so little,
Her last Dom was cruel, he’d berate and belittle.

He promised the world, said he's honest and true,
Yet all that he sought for, was using her too.
The day that she found me, still clear in my mind,
Was my day of rebirth, her soul bound to mine. 

And on this first Christmas, together at last,
She's finally living, getting free from her past.
Please make an exception, she is not to blame,
The fault here is mine, tis me you should shame.

The gifts we have asked for, seem odd to the norm,
But I desperately need them, her heart to keep warm.
There’s paddles and crops, and tools for the top,
And blankets and cocoa, and things for sub drops

And nighties and leathers, and great stuff to wear,
Along with some comforts for great aftercare.
These things that we asked for, perhaps way too much,
Are things that we need, they’re not just a crutch.

He looked at my sub, so gentle and pure,
Then gave me a glance, as if to assure.
“my boy you are blind, it’s so easy to see,
But take some advice, from an old man like me.

Indeed your first Christmas, with her as your own,
There is more to this story, than you've ever known.
This woman God made you, and brought to you here,
He brought you here too, to help silence her fear.

For you see I have known her, battered and weak,
Her heart rent to tatters, her future so bleak. 
With her body and soul, and mind under attack,
So close to the end, with no will to fight back.

Yet the power within her, so pure and so true,
Found a way to preserve her, and bring her to you.
Her search finally ended, her future secure,
Within this dynamic, so strong and so pure.

She has travelled a road, not many could walk,
In search of “a True Dom” not bullshit and talk.
When others surrendered, gave in to the dark,
She has somehow endured,  her life only a spark.

 Her soul has survived it, these heartbroken tours,
Not perfect for certain, but neither is yours.
The power within her, now blinding and bright,
She now offers to you, keep it safe with your might.

See all the toys in the world, would not be enough,
Not the whips or paddles or padded handcuffs,
The gift that is lent you, that she trusts in your hands,
This act of submission, so noble and grand.

A tear gently rolled, down Santas red cheek,
He brushed back her hair, then again he did speak.
Take care of her son, protect her and pray,
Shelter her heart, and do not fade away.

Her heart is now speaking, gentle and true,
For her there's no other, no other but you.
Keep her and hold her, for her safety I pray,
And worship the gift that you hold on  this day.

   The rising sun warming my face through the bedroom window signals that yet another dawn has broken the solace of the night. The comforting peace and tranquility of sleep once again replaced with conscious reality. Another day to give thanks for being alive, another 24 hour gift from God to be able to say that I am here. My mind wanders about the tasks I have set at hand, the duties I need to perform, to ready for the coming onset of winter in the Midwest. And as I ponder the simple task of cleaning the garage and arranging it so that I can fit my Silverado in there, out of the coming snow, and always ready and mostly warm to start the days ahead, I am reminded by the fact that I only need 1 parking space, that my search continues....

    So, as I clean and arrange the garage, I cannot help but think of you. And I begin to wonder why I have yet to find you? Or have I found you? Are you there in my messages? Do I lack the clarity and perception to ascertain that you are somehow trying to tell me of your presence or intentions? I will not lie, in this electronic age, I am wandering about somewhat crippled. In my world, as an ENFJ personality type, I have always relied and trusted my senses to guide me. My sense if sight, carefully discerning the truth or desire in the eyes of another, my sense of touch, looking for a reaction from the simplest brush of a hand, my sense of hearing, listening to the tones, inflections, and unrehearsed conversation that tells so much. All now reduced to carefully typed words on both sides, residing upon a distant machine. so callous and impersonal regardless of content.

   So a natural part of the task at hand, if it has not produced results, is to evaluate the parameters of the search. So I revisit my particular parameters. She should be ......

* Of any age really. Physical age has never been of particular importance to me. I suppose my belief is that a soul knows no physical age. There are 50 year olds that act like 10 year olds, and 20 year olds that are far beyond their physical age, "old souls" as it were.

*  A true submissive - not merely somebody enamored by "that movie".  Experience? Hardly a qualifier in my book, as there is also so much more to this lifestyle that I myself have not explored, and what an experience it may be to explore it together!

* Monogamous - definitely, this isn't a random qualifier, it is who I am.

* Kinks? Outside of leaving any type of lasting physical, emotional, or psychological damage, or pee, poo, scat, illegal stuff... open since I derive my personal pleasures from my partners pleasures and desires, not really any bad choices here.

* A friend  - yeah, I am selfish that way, I want her to be my best friend too  :P

ok, I am satisfied that there is not a crazy restraining list there, but still .... the search continues, as it must, the alternative is not appealing in the least. All I really know is you ARE out there ... somewhere ..... in that vast sea of possibilities...

~ID~

Yikes! How do you know when you REALLY need to get over this Covid crap and into some good playtime? When you’re listening to the radio, and picturing something quite different … lol. Examples …

“Chains” By Fleetwood Mac – They sang …
And if you don't love me now
You will never love me again
I can still hear you saying
You would never break the chain

But I see ….

“Whip it” by Devo – they sang…
When a problem comes along
You must whip it

But I see....

“Beat it” by Michael Jackson – he sang…
The fire's in their eyes and their words are really clear
So beat it, just beat it

But I see....

“Our Lips are sealed ” by The Go-Go’s – they sang…
Pay no mind to what they say
It doesn't matter anyway
Our lips are sealed

But I see….

“Whip it” by Devo – they sang…
When a problem comes along
You must whip it

But I see....

“Back on the Chain Gang” by The Pretenders – they sang…

The powers that be
That force us to live like we do
Bring me to my knees

But I see....

“99 Red Balloons” by Nena – she sang…

Opens up one eager eye
And focusing it on the sky
The ninety nine red balloons go by

But I see….

“Surrender” by Cheap Trick – they sang…
Mommy's alright, daddy's alright, they just seem a little weird.
Surrender, surrender, but don't give yourself away, ay, ay, ay.
 

But I FINALLY see, and remember, it's not about just playtime….