This will not be one of my better blogs, but it will be a therapeutic rambling on my behalf, so I beg your indulgence. I find some clarity in times like this, through my writings here. Today, I find my mind heavily preoccupied asking myself a very serious question ..... Am I a Dom at all, or is this just some passing attraction I thought I was, but can truthfully never be...
I do not know the answer to my question, and no amount of soul searching is making the answer any clearer. This search for the true dynamic has rendered it's tolls upon my soul. And as with all things, the stronger the flames, the more intense the burn if you falter in your steps... I thought I knew my place, my heart, my search. But I have hurt the object of my affection in my most recent attempts, by being what I thought I was supposed to be, but as they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions... but that is precisely what a Dom, a True Dom, is supposed to prevent ... not cause. So I await the outcome of my actions, my participation ......
Please don't mistake this for self pity, I an truly wrestling within myself as to how to embrace the future. Perhaps I, and the people I may encounter should I continue this journey, would be better served if I simply abandoned the course, tore down the playroom, and turned it into a funeral pyre for the adventure.... and took my place among the onlookers instead of the participants......
