What is greater .. the power to win a battle or the wisdom and compassion to know how to wage it properly, regardless of the outcome? In our little world, there are almost always 2 people engaged in these disagreements, and how we handle them could very well determine our long term happiness.
The Dom -
He or she who is, by the very nature of their position in the dynamic, the one who maintains control, gives direction, defends and protects the submissive. A person of strong will and determination, and according to rumor, leading by example.
The submissive -
He or she who has offered their submission to another. Entrusted them with their physical, mental, and emotional well being. But certainly no weakling, the power and internal strength it takes to be able to do that is far too often overlooked by others.
So - at some point these two wind up in a disagreement, or perhaps better stated, a fight, Both will draw upon their internal strengths to sustain themselves. Both most likely suffer from the human frailty of wanting or needing to be "right", to "win" the argument. And both can just as easily cross the boundaries in a fight and then it turns out to be a brawl of two very strong people, each capable of doing massive damage, locked into a battle, each with their own version of "tunnel vision" becoming more and more narrow toward their goal of "winning."
It is when the first voice raised in anger happens, the first insult, the first off topic "oh yeah .. remember when you" statement gets brought up, that a cease fire MUST be called. Simply STOP and remember what your role, your promise, your commitments.
To the Dom -
Is this battle really even worth it? Did you do your job? Are you even listening to what the sub is trying to say? How can something your sub feels so passionately against be in their best interest? Is it possible you are wrong ( strength of character building opportunity). Give it a rest, let it diffuse, let it settle down, BUT DO NOT IGNORE IT, come back to it, settle this settle this at an agreed upon time TODAY (and do it before you go to bed)
To the sub -
Is this a "hill worth dying on". Have you heard your Dom? Do you truly understand their motivations? What are they trying to accomplish? Is there a trigger that has been hit here that your Dom is unaware of? WHY do you feel so passionately about it? Can you explain that to your Dom? Again - Give it a rest, let it diffuse, let it settle down, BUT DO NOT IGNORE IT, come back to it, settle this at an agreed upon time TODAY (and do it before you go to bed)
