Hello lovelies,
Today, I want to ramble on about communication, something that if you have been in the BDSM/ D/s world for awhile, this has been a topic you know by heart. If you are new to the world though, this is something that has been probably overlooked for you.
For me, I grew up very religious. When I would try to communicate anything, my feelings were shot down, told not real, and overall not necessary. As long as I was a good Christian girl, nothing was supposed to be bad for me, right? That was the mentality. When I would cry, I was told to stop the waterworks. No one would take the time to figure out what was wrong with me. Fast forward to college where I met a guy that met the check list for my, but more for my mom's, standards. We were warned that marriages of our Christian faith only 28% get divorced, however, if you were a relationship from our particular college, you only had about a 50% chance of staying together. We were convinced that we would not split. We were "forever". It started with not listening to requests for aid in simple chores, or talking about what our goals were for short and long term. Four years later we realized our communication was never there, and we never were fully committed. Lying was daily for him. "No I haven't been talking to another girl." "No, I only love you." Then I found him stumbling home at 2 am with lipstick on the collar. We both came to the conclusion that we were drinking buddies that fucked every once in awhile. Another issue was that both of us had a very submissive mentality which drove me insane. The divorce was silent and quick, however I was never really allowed to talk about it with my family, or I felt like I could not discuss it because I did not know how to portray my feelings properly. When even the word would come up, I had old friends pull their children away like I was some kind of demon/leper. How horrible is that? I may had been around people who supposedly loved me, but I felt more alone than ever.
Now, this is where Marcellus, my Dominant, comes in. We discussed in detail how I felt in regards to the divorce, faith, friends, and family. We had a long distant relationship at first so communication was all we had. So finally being able to speak with someone on how I felt in regards to something, it was a whole new world. Do not get me wrong, this wasn't an overnight fix. There were still plenty of days and nights where we were fighting because I could not put my thoughts into words. Shit, we still have days like that, but it is getting easier. The point I am trying to make is, there is a definite ease when you can just speak your mind, and have a proper discussion with the peace of mind that I won't be judged, and have my thoughts respected.
I will also get called out for my shit as well. When I am just having a tantrum because I didn't get enough attention that day, or I am having a hormonal PMS. I am still a female with all those stupid hormones raging through my body. I still have jealous days, that I try and suppress because let's face it. Sir will have to be present around other females, and I trust him never to cheat. He also tells me whenever a girl flirts with him too. Most days it is hilarious. When I'm PMSing I want to stab a bitch. Usually, my reaction makes Sir smile and happy he has someone love him so much. However, if I am PMSing my reactions go overboard and this is when Sir check me and let me know I am overreacting and need to stop. There are days where I will tease the shit out of him during gaming just to a rise out of him, so he will play with me instead. 😉 Like I said, I am still new to this D/s world. So we are still learning about how I am supposed to keep my emotions in check to make it easier for Sir to go about his day.
So I will pose another question for anyone who is reading this, and if you have made it this far, BRAVO! I just told Sir "holy shit how am I still typing?" and he just responded, "well you did say it was a rant." ANYWAYS the Question: What are some keys to communication with your Dom or sub? Is there any rule in your dynamic that says the submissive is supposed to limit their emotions expressed to make life easier on the Dominant? If so, submissives, HOW DO YOU DO IT? cause this is the hardest one for me.
Until next time, stay safe and have fun lovelies!
Vale
