People Pleasing without Codependence
After discovering the reciprocal nature of my kinkyness, I've been hesitant to post anything about being kinky because what is true for me this month may not be true next month.
That opening sentence is a bit of a head scratcher, even to me, so let me explain and expound.
I am a service top; I behave as a dominant, master, top, or sadist, as the situation requires. This isn’t something I put on or takeoff, it’s a part of me lurking inside, comparable to a predator. If I feeI a masochist, bottom, submissive, or bottom-leaning switch putting out vibes, my Spidey-sense goes on high alert. If they don't feel it in me, I don't feel it in them.
I am a demisexual; I have no sexual attraction to someone until after I feel a significant connection. In the vanilla world this requires a lot of time (typically weeks or months) in conversation. In the kinky world that Dom/sub Spidey-sense jumpstarts that connection.
I'm on Kink sites because I love being on the left hand off the slash. I love the deep connections in WIITWD.
For me, Dom/sub is a love connection. When I have a sub committed to me, or when I’m getting close to a submissive person, They share their kinks with me. I start fantasizing, feeling, desiring the kinks that they have shared with me. I start feeling those kinks as my own.
Inside a dynamic, these kinky feelings are truly mine. I dream, fantasize, plan, and truly desire these kinky activities. This is a full transformation within my sense of self and my emotional life. It is as essentially me as the colors of a chameleon when a chameleon changes colors. When the dynamic ends, these kinky desires slowly fade away.
Am I codependent? I don’t think so. Most descriptions of codependency talk about people who violate their own boundaries. People pleasing codependents don’t have strong boundaries and often don’t know what their boundaries are. I know what my boundaries are. I enforce them diligently. I value and protect my boundaries.Those boundaries, in turn, protect myself and others.
As a people pleaser with boundaries, I'm basically a nice guy. Whether this nice guy craves punishing you sadistically, or cuddles with your little is entirely up to You. What is true for me this month may not be true next month, but I hope it is because I want my love relationships to last.
P.s. Rope is an exception. Rope is my fetish, independent of anything else.
