Over the past 12-14 years I've dated many types of people ranging from ages 18 - 62 and by date I don't mean committed relationship. I mean the act of getting to know each other, spend time together and see what falls out. Some had bedroom aspects but some didn't so it's not the sex. Communication has grown and evolved throughout the process so it's not communication. So maybe someone can explain in a way I can grasp this perplexing issue I've had over the vast majority of every fukn "relationship".
Situation: The one I'm with at any of the times above, are doing things that please me. Consistently, daily they do small or large things ranging from corsets & makeup to cooking meals or buying me my favorite flowers. (Yes it's an extremely rare thing for a woman to buy a man flowers but this man actually loves it due to the type of flower). I do my part also but there comes a day where I really just wish to reward them for the vast majority of the 24hr period. I take them out to nice restaurants, go shopping wherein their money is no good, have wonderful conversations on topics I know they like and basically shower them in my appreciation. Usually at the very end of it all when I check on their mind & heart to be assured they are happy, content, and feel loved, I let them know: This day isn't everyday, nor even weekly. It's a day I choose to go over the top in expressing my appreciation for all they do. I know I'm not easy to be around sometimes. My moods can swing without warning, Beast can come out in need after hes been silent for a week... and so much more. So this day... this is their day to be appreciated. I use all the knowledge I have about them to help them see I'm paying attention even when it seems I'm not. All to make them have that "warm fuzzy" from head to toe... we go to sleep and wake the next day & POOF! or BOOM! Without fail, every reason I done that for is gone... now they are resistant, fussy, neglectful, unresponsive, petty, as though I woke up and pissed on their tits.
WTF is up with that shit? Was i.. too nice? Too caring? Did I put them in a mind that I'm now gonna take that kind of treatment and be fist fukd in the ass (without lube!) with a smile? The peace and harmony is gone out the window and I literally have to pick the right moment to treat them like total shit just to get us back to where we was. It feels like disciplining a dog... I hate doing it but I won't tolerate the shit on the carpet. It feels like I can't ever show them how much they mean to me, I can't say it, I can't express it... I have to keep a firm or hard clasp around their throat, sometimes to the point where they (metaphorically) kick the walls I'm sliding them up till they piss themselves in fear... just to get them back to how we was before the day happened.
I understand Master/Slave dynamic is by all right, the Master is always the Master and the Slave is always held firm in order to be happy... while at the same time they bitch about never being appreciated or given time to themselves or shown mercy, etc.
Is it too hard for partners (sub/slaves) to wrap their minds around the concept of acknowledging and appreciating? Should I just say fuck it, suck that shit down like all the other emotions and just accept that as my part in being Master?
Now full disclosure: Part of me loves it because I can let my Sadist out, be mean, wicked and cruel but it comes at a very high price. You can't unhear what I say. Bruises heal, cuts mend but I go for the heart, attack the mind and all the training I've done for the past 30+ years to be more "acceptable" and a better Master, just gets shot all to hell. With it, the relationship.
Thus I have the rule: Keep the first thing first. Always. No matter how good or bad life is in the moment keep the first thing first. We hold each others heart in our hands. Protect it. Respect it. Love it deeply cuz at any moment it can suddenly stop.
Lastly before anyone panics... AngelBunny and I are doing wonderfully. She and I hit bumps now & then but ooooomg is she worth the time and effort. Most days I still sit and drool just watching her be herself as she goes about the day. For her in the above, her resistance/neglect is like forgetting to kneel at the door when I get home... 🙄 resolution: I point it out with an even tone and tell her to be kneeling at the door when I come home. 😂 FIXED! She's so good with open communication.
I ask the above because as we seek out our other to fulfill our Triad/V, the situation is most likely going to arise and I like to be infront of the situation so I can better deal with it when it happens.
Any input is appreciated but please try not to be overly general. You may only be able to speak to a fraction of the issue but don't worry, I like puzzles and know how to pick gems out to place in proper arrangements.
Thanks in advance,
Max
