My Online Domination Journal

Call it megalomania...

Call it hero's syndrome...

I believe I have it. I didn't realize it until yesterday. I have always been financially disciplined I am very strict with myself. 

I did something unbelievable yesterday...I actually subscribed to a model's fansly. Yes. I did. I am not proud of the fact that I did. 

Interestingly, before this, I did find a few models very attractive but I didn't take action...yet this lady...after a lot of thinking...I took action to subscribe. 

The reason is because of her story...she mentioned that she is 19 years old and she is the sole bread winner for her family and that they are retired. She has to juggle between work, university and life. Taking a pity for her, I subscribed. 

Once the rush is over...my rational mind wondered...what did I do? Then it hit me hard that I'm a sucker for damsels in distress. I have to be very careful. If I were ever to fall into any traps...it could because of this. 

You are still here? Thank you for listening to my ramblings. I just need to get it off my chest and all of you are the best listener I can hope for. Have a nice day. 

I admit...I was once the shallow dominant whose sole purpose is to meet some unsuspecting submissive to get jack off and feel good. That's why at first I didn't get the interface of thecage.co. At first glance compared to fetlife.com which is more established and older, it seems that thecage.co didn't have a lot to facilitate the meeting and connection of D/s. 

As time goes by, I realized that I get more meaningful connections from thecage.co than fetlife.com so I started to wonder why. What makes thecage.co's connection so much more meaningful?

A breakthrough came after I've started to write. I've started to receive a lot more attention. That's when I realized that the cage's focus on text and de-emphasize on pictures is on purpose. As I've mentioned in the Great Divide, the problem faced by submissives is how do they filter though the noise and to find what they crave? Well...it's through the thoughts written by dominants. This is why thecage.co has grown both as a community and as a hub of connection. 

I would like to send my kudos for the product manager and designer of thecage.co. Thank you for facilitating so many great connections. 

Caring for you is so natural. It feels like a second nature. 

Worrying about you is so natural. You are my good little girl. 

Making rules to help you become a better girl is so natural. 

I guess everything is so effortless that made me forget that you are not mine. 

I'll be careful so that we will still be connected. 

You told me that it would come on yesterday. I also remember that you mentioned that it is always late so I took a gamble to try and write this today. I wonder how close am I...

I know you generally sleep late but during this period, I would like to encourage you to sleep earlier so that you can sleep more. Do take a nap if you need one so that you will have more energy.

You might feel that your beautiful breasts are swelling and they might hurt. Try hugging a heat pad or soak in a warm bath. If that doesn't work, try cold packs to see if it soothes you or not. Also, try to wear a bra that fits correctly when your breasts are swollen. 

If you feel cramps, holding a hot water bottle or heating pad over cramp zone will help. I would suggest you to sip a warm drink. I personally think that chamomile tea will be a good choice as it will help you relax. Gentle exercise will help you too. Stretching will be a good idea. 

You should eat more fruits and leafy greens. Just avoid those that could trigger an allergic reaction in you. I am not sure if you can take dark chocolate or not. If you can, do take them. I'm not worried about your water intake as I'm sure you are drinking plenty of them. 

I hope that this period will treat you gently like I do. Take care of yourself, my little one. 

Handling adult money can be daunting for littles and I've promised you to teach you so here's what I would like to share.

Do you remember the first lesson in tidying up your toys into that seemingly small space? 
The trick is to put the big things into it first. 

It is the same with budgeting. You will need to put the big things in life into your budget first. It will be things that you cannot live without. For example, food, rent for a place to live, utilities (electricity, water, heating, gas and to an extent, internet), medicine, insurance and etc.

After that I will suggest you to create accounts for other things. 

I would like to suggest using the 6 jars system. 

This will ensure that you would've allocated the money before you spend it so you won't have trouble. 

Remember the time when you forgot to setup a holiday schedule and you had to rush to finish your holiday homework? The logic here is the same. If you've allocated enough budget to do what is needed, you won't need to worry about other things just like when you have a schedule and follow it. 

I will roughly explain what is the 6 jars system. It is a system that you will separate your income into 6 jars for different purposes. This can be physical jars where you keep your cash or it can be bank accounts. I personally prefer bank accounts because they are safer and I can create standing instructions to transfer the money into the correct accounts once my income is in. Our will power is more limited than we thought. 

Now, let's talk about the jars

1. Necessity - These are things that you cannot live without. What I mean is not the feeling of it but really cannot live without. You might think that you cannot live without that blanket with that cute print but in reality you can because you already have another blanket named blanky. The situation is different if you don't have a blanket and it is winter. If you don't get the blanket you might die from hypothermia then it is a necessity. Spend this on things that will keep you alive and well.

2. Play - What's life if you cannot splurge? This is an account where you just spend the whole amount of money just to celebrate your month. You can just spend this on what your heart desires. There is one rule, everything must go during that month and in one go. Let your little out and have all the fun you can with the money in this account.

3. Financial Freedom Account (FFA) - This is for you to invest so that you will be able to have financial freedom. Imagine if you give me a piece of candy and I will give it back to you with more candy after a certain period of time, isn't that sweet? I would suggest you to have this account and start to learn about investment, especially passive index fund with low management fees. If you start early, you will thank yourself. 

4. Education Account - This is for you to invest in yourself. Have you ever saw a course that you would like to attend but you don't have the money? This account will solve that problem. You slowly save the money and when the day comes that you want to take a course, the money is there. You can learn to design beautiful fashion clothing and make dada proud. 

5. Long-term savings and spending (LTSS) - This is an account with purpose. It is for you to save up to buy that big ticket item. Do you want that very big teddy bear? It is not a necessity right but you really want it right? Well, set a purpose on this account and save up for it. You can only buy that teddy bear once you have enough money in this account. 

6. Give - If you believe in what goes around comes around, this will help that. Set aside money to contribute back to a cause that you care about. 

The generally suggest the ratio to be below. 

Necessity - 55%

Play - 10%

FFA - 10%

Education - 10%

LTSS - 10%

Give - 5%

Of course everyone's context is different so adjust the ration to what suits you. You might even add or remove accounts (play and/or give) base on your personal situation. I started with my necessity at 80% and slowly adjusted everything to suite my own need. Now I am happy to say that this system has enabled me to invest, take courses that I want and pay my mortgage off faster while maintaining a good life style. I hope you will be able to learn this and lead a better life too. Take care my little one.

In daddy's eyes, you are an angel that's worth treasuring. 

In daddy's eyes, your little's voice puts a smile on my face because I know you are comfortable in showing your inner self to me. 

In daddy's eyes, your smile is like the sun, it brightens my day no matter how hard it is. 

In daddy's eyes, your tics are cute, I love them and they are also signals that I should be aware that something is making you nervous. 

In daddy's eyes, your choice of being a vegan is a noble one and you've inspired me to consume less animal products. 

In daddy's eyes, your conditions are reasons to take better care of you and to pay more attention to you. 

In daddy's eyes, you being bratty is an invitation for me to show you who is in control and I enjoy those interactions immensely. 

In daddy's eyes, you showing me your treasure box and your stuffed toys are signs that you are bringing me into your world. 

In daddy's eyes, your amazing fantasies are adventures worth going on. 

In daddy's eyes, being able to tuck you in to help you sleep better makes me feel fulfilled. 

In daddy's eyes, you are a good girl and you are worth it. 

She used facts mentioned in this video to distract me from the topic that we were on. 

I didn't have time to watch it before we've decided not to talk to each other again. 

The funny thing is...as I was watching this video, I realized that it could be a parallel to our world of kink. 

Looking innocently at trees, there not a single hint that they are interconnected and they talk to each other. 

In the vanilla world, generally there are no indications to our kink inclinations but in the underworld, we show ourselves. 

Thanks to the internet and sites like the cage, we are able to connect with each other and exchange information. 

Some of us participate in forums and write blog posts. This is like the part where there are more experienced trees taking care of younger ones. 

That's why sites like these are so important to the world of kink and connecting us. 

It is very nice to be able to hear news about your through this network. 

It is nice to be able to know what that smell is though it will be hard to find it in my country. I will definitely get it when I am in your country. 

It saddens me that it is uncomfortable for you and big. Maybe it would be a good decoration. 

I'm doing well but it is never easy to part with someone with whom you share your deepest self effortlessly. Time will heal. 

It is an extremely good news to know that you are getting the care that you need. 

It is ok that you do not want to get those carbon 13 from me. They are radioactive and is bad for you. I'm content to be able to receive nitrogen, phosphorus, water and allele chemicals from you and to know that things are getting better for you. Thank you for them. Do take care. 

If something’s meant to be, it’ll be. If not, there is the next life. 

Even with our highly developed brain, humans will inherently be lonely. The reason is because no one can fully understand how another feel and what went through one's head. 

This flaw will be greatly exacerbated by negative emotions such as jealousy and anger. We can try our best to regulate our emotions but there will be times where we fail to do so. This is why it is very important for us to be able to walk through our partner's thoughts and walk our partner through our thoughts especially after an emotionally charged episode. This will enable both to understand each other sees during the moment and let each other understand what prompted the manifestation of what they observed. 

If this is done well, instead of drifting apart, each rift will become will become opportunities to get closer and have a better understanding with each other. I believe this could be done by the dominant naturally or through a pre-defined "ceremony" after things cool down.

No matter what happens, walk each other through each other's thoughts and you will walk together forever. 

Why do love hurt so much? That's because we are vulnerable in love. We cannot fall in love if we are not vulnerable. 

I believe BDSM hurt at least as much as love if not more. The reason is because I believe we are more vulnerable in a D/s relationship. We share more and share more deeply. 

This is why we feel so much more in a D/s relationship. That's why we feel so connected in a D/s relationship. The joys are way much more. 

Of course, with there is such a high up, there is a lower low. When negative emotions such as jealousy pops up, it can be devastating. It blinds and it destroys. 

As a dominant, one ought to be in control yet it is very hard when strong negative emotions such as jealousy comes up. Believe it or not, your submissive especially a submissive with little tendency will vibe with you. That creates a lot of unknown for your submissive even though you might try to withdraw to handle your emotions. 

What did I learn from my mistake yesterday? 

I believe if I were to not name and express my emotions, walk away from the conversation with a reasonable reason then do some exercise, it will be handled better. The reason is because when one is feeling jealousy and anger, adrenaline will be released. This will make one focus on the threat. I lost my cool to analyze things holistically. Exercise helps utilize the adrenaline so that my usual cool calm mind will be back. Comically, when I was back to my calm self, I realized that my jealously was baseless. I apologized to her and discussed what we both went through. It had more negative impact on her than I imagined. There were some impressions that were made which I walked her though my though my thought process at that time. I'm very lucky that we are still talking now. That's why I'm writing this to reflect. I want to be a better dominant that is able to bring stability and the feeling of safety for my submissive. 

If you have any insights or suggestions, please do share. I'd like to learn from your experience. Thank you for reading. 

One of the eternal problems of unattached Dominants and submissives is how to find their partner. While both face the same problem but the problem manifests itself to them differently. 

Problem faced

For dominants, it is how to attract the attention of potential submissives that matches their kink. 

As for submissives, how do they sift through all those unwanted attention that they are getting so that they can get to those few that deserve their attention. 

General Mistakes

The usual mistake that I know that dominants make is to send a very short message expecting and expecting a reply. 

Another mistake that they make is to send a well written long message without reading that's person's profile. While this strategy might yield some responses but it is not a very good idea. 

Some inexperienced submissives have a hard time saying no so they get dragged through the mud. 

Others feel that they are obliged to reply to every single one of message they receive and they are anxious about it. 

Thoughts

With the exception of a few cases, I believe being able to connect with a submissive is the key to a healthy and exciting D/s relationship so I urge dominants to try and understand the submissive that you are going to message. Remember, dominate the heart, you will get everything.

As for submissives, your submission is a precious gift and thus your time too. It is ok to end conversation with people that you think are not worth your time. If they persist, just block them. You need to get through the noise to be able to get what you crave. You can set a time and respond as much as you can. Leave a few messages for a few days and you will see the true colors of the other person. 

If you are already doing great or even better, please share your thoughts so that we can all learn. Thank you for reading.