I started out in the path of BDSM wrongly. My journey started with my immense pent up sex drive and a question of how nice would it be if I have a sex slave. Obviously I started out like most of what female subs dreaded, an entitled dominant who requests sexual favors before they feel comfortable. Call it a beginner's luck, I was able to woo a submissive who was also starting out. I made a big mistake and that made me learn a lot about domination and what it means to be a dominant.
Fast forward to years after that initial incident, I have a beautiful and loyal submissive that I was going to let go due to our circumstances. Yet it was painful to do for both of us so we've decided to try again. When we were talking again, she complained about the period which we stopped to be torturing. She felt abandoned and what made it worse was the fact that she can't find anyone to connect to at the same level as me. I asked her what's the difference. She mentioned that most of the dominants just ask for photos and videos. I responded, "That's the same as what I am doing. I ask for sexually explicit photos.". She said that it is different because she feels like she want me to have all of her. That is because I can almost read her mind and that she feels safe with me. She can be herself because I don't judge her and accept her for who she is. I am the the nice combination of being depraved and caring.
This might be condescending but I want to shout out to all the dominants that if you dominant her heart, you will get everything. It takes a lot of heart on your part to get to know your potential submissive. What are her aspirations and fears? Get to know her and let her know you. This is how trust is built. After that, slowly go at the pace that suits both of you. D/s is like a beautiful dance. Both will need to go at roughly the same pace else both of you are bound to trip. Once you are able to get into her head and her heart, both of you will get everything both of you desire.
Of course, I am aware that all submissives are unique. I've met submissive who just wants me to humiliate her. The key is to get to know the person and build the relationship. A submissive will return the effort that you have invested many fold.
What do you think? I'd love to hear and learn from your experience.
