We all have an experience or a moment in our lives that makes some deep connection or an ah-ha moment.
I am a very autonomous person. I am proud of my ability to set and maintain my own goals, beliefs, values, and boundaries. At the same time, I sought to turn those over to another. Finding a person to trust with my sense of self, my cognitive processes, and my life has been difficult. I made many mistakes and experienced failures. Eventually, I did find this person, my owner, but even so, relinquishing those things has been an intricate process for both of us that will continue to evolve. Yesterday I realized just how far we have come and how far we can go.
I tend to be easily overstimulated. Introvert, neuro-divergent, and generally annoyed by loud sounds, let’s say that a birthday party for a 12-year-old at Dave and Busters is not on my list of fun things. Of course, we parents suffer for our children, and I endured for hours.
As the third hour approached, my anxiety rose and rose to the point where I could barely keep myself from bolting for the door. I’m sure many of you who are similar to me know about bathroom trips for no reason other than to escape being overstimulated. I was hanging out in the bathroom a lot.
I texted Daddy, “I’m at max capacity overstimulation.” He replied with the simple sentence, “Breathe, my own.” Everything faded away. I was on the verge of a total meltdown, and he made it go away with one sentence. I thought, “This is what it means to be owned.”
Ownership isn’t only about the body, and it isn’t only about the mind. It is about the spirit too. He controls all of these things as he sees fit, and I am so grateful to have found someone to whom I have the confidence to give over my body, mind, and spirit. He is the caretaker of me just as I am of him. It is a cycle of trust, dedication, and love. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world, and it has just begun.
Thank you for owning this girl's entire being, Master. You are my true definition of the title.
Something I wrote to him about our journey thus far a few months ago:
You found me and gentled me, a quintessence of solace. You found me and cradled me with your shelter of love.
You took me and claimed me, a state of being. You took me and chained me with your promise of subjugation.
You saw me and knew me, a soul unveiled. You whitewashed me and purified me with your virtuoso’s hands.
You coax me and illuminate me, a map of eternity. You molded me and shaped me with your cartographer’s knowledge.
You own me and consecrate me, a kept possession. You engulf me and still me with your Elysian domination.