Hello Cage friends,
It's been a bit of a rollercoaster this life. Recently I've taken some large steps forward in my walk and part of my journey. I have been realizing what is required of me. What I require of me. I have been working at learning myself and seeing growth in so many spaces. Most importantly I am feeling pride in the work I'm doing. I am feeling confident that I am making progress in the areas of my life that are focal points for me.
I have heard myself say "I am proud for accomplishing this. I am proud for managing to walk through some difficult spaces and be a bit of support for those around me." I recently had a new submissive reach out to me. It was interesting as this submissive happened to be a male. Now typically on the very rare chances that someone of the same sex has approached me they quickly ask if I am interesting in males and when I reply and inform them that I'm straight usually I don't hear from them again. Now I had this new submissive reach out and when they contacted me and I replied something interesting happened. He sent me another message. It was bizarre this never happens. But he opened up and shared part of himself and I noticed some red flags. At some point I actually want to post the parts of conversation focusing on my responses because it was like going through my crash course to BDSM. I set about pointing out some of the red flags I noticed, informing him of some information and I said "feel free to reach out". Again he responded, and I saw again some issues that I felt required some more information because he was new and perhaps he hadn't heard a few different aspects of the lifestyle and I wanted to help create awareness and help one more person be safer within the community and hopefully work at protecting himself on his journey forward. Actually part of the dialogue with him inspired my post about Community.
So I got back to this idea of Community. When you look at who we are as a group of individuals you realize how many different aspects there are of what each of us enjoys, needs and requires for our well being. Each aspect of that shines in different ways because we are all unique. There was a recent issue with some interesting events and I realized something. For the longest time being apart of BDSM could mean losing your life, your job, your family and friends. While there is generally more acceptance over the lifestyle in this day and age there are plenty of people who hide who they are from family because they simply won't understand. Even vanilla views on what BDSM entails is so skewed in certain media. I remember watching a show on Netflix, there was a scene in which a woman was brought to a BDSM party (everyone wearing masks, all forms of debauchery was occurring in the background) and when they got to a critical point in the show the main villain who happened to be a practitioner of BDSM happened to forcefully attempt to rape this woman. No, it was not a negotiated CNC scene. It was a blatant disregard for limits, consent and a million other issues and I remember thinking "Damn, this is how we are viewed." Maybe not all the time, but when mainstream media says 'You will be raped and abused when exposed to BDSM' it kind of shocked me that some people who exist in the vanilla sphere of life regard those who play as harmful, despicable individuals with no regard for well being, safety and consent. Again not all people, but more often than not there is an air of "Stay the fuck over there" type mentality that is just a tiny bit hurtful. Because to me BDSM is a form of therapy. I intend to utilize it to heal trauma, to overcome the shortcomings we feel and strive to improve my life and the lives of those who may end up choosing me.
The thing that really gets to me is this....
If we already experience such a negative view from outside the community, what the hell happens when we begin to receive those toxic viewpoints from within the community as well???
I mean we are all here for something. We are all trying to find how we fit into this crazy world. We are all looking for our own journey and what resonates with who we are. The thing is there are so many different forms of play that there are disagreements. Everyone has a different opinion, and some people can reach out and even attack others for a kink that is part of them. What the hell happened to YKINMKBTIO? I mean we get enough of misunderstanding from outside the community, why do we need to put up with that noise from those "WHO GET IT"?? I mean if you don't like something, turn around, walk away. Or be enough of an adult to have a conversation, open up dialogue, explain your side, listen to their side and just have a conversation. If at the end neither of your opinions have changed then simply YKINMKBTIO and move on with life. I mean we need to seek further tolerance within the community. We need to accept those who come here, because THIS is OUR SAFE SPACE. If we are attacked from our own community members then we help destroy the lifestyle. We scoff and diminish the good that comes from BDSM, and it doesn't help anything or anyone progress. I mean the best part about opening up and practicing tolerance is that you might just find your perspective shifting because someone you never knew explained a topic to you in a way it's never been explained before that radically changes your entire perception of that kink.
Regardless if you like or dislike someone, regardless if you agree or disagree, regardless of whether you're interested in their kink or not. Why the hell does it matter? Does their kink impact your life in anyway? I mean you choose to read their blog. You could have stopped at any point. You could have set a boundary and said "I completely disagree with all you have to say" and stopped reading, not commented, not retaliated and moved on with your day. Each of us utilizes our blogs as our platform to say "Hello, this is me." It is the safe space that we get the opportunity to express ourselves. I mean your blog is the source of information for anyone to learn about you. It becomes the billboard for who you are. It's the advertisement of "This is what I like, this is what suits me, this is WHO I AM" It is a way for those who read what you write to agree or disagree and sometimes you find that you click because of a viewpoint you share. I mean there are ads specifically for "I need, want and am looking for..." Why is a blog any different? You just get a little more space to show up and express what you need, to vent about a life situation, to share a poem, or erotic story, or literally anything that matters to you. It's all a form of saying "This is me, and part of my Will" It's a place to express your opinion for the lifestyle, and how you see it. With your history, with your past, with the different life experiences that have shaped who you are and your unique way of viewing the world. So why should we utilize our time trying to tear each other down? We are all of one community. We all exist here as outliers from the "norm". So why not support each other? Why not try to reach an understanding and create acceptance instead of hostility? I mean we are all kinky people. We like different forms of kink, we express and share those different forms as they are necessary in our lives. What's necessary to me has hide nor hair to do with you. If you agree with me great, amazing, fantastic. If you have a different opinion than choose to respectfully have a conversation about why, about your perspective, but allow me my opportunity to express my thoughts on the matter. Then see if either of us shift our perspective on that particular matter. Or if you can't have a respectful conversation just walk away and don't engage. Harming one another does little to support why we come here. It harbours animosity and leaves a sour taste in your mouth, and can tint the entire experience whether you're new or a seasoned veteran of the site. We all come here to because we feel safe, because we desire to work at ourselves and walk forward. Reaching out, expressing ourselves oftentimes gives others the chance to listen and acknowledge a similarity in the journey and help create forward momentum for their struggle. Don't we want the absolute best for us and our friends? Even if we don't know each other there is a bond of something we have that very few people share in the world. Let's do our best to practice tolerance. To practice understanding. To practice grace with one another. Even if what you like is not what I'm interested in, I can still learn about it further. I can educate myself and then make a decision that's right for me. But I don't need to tear someone down to do any of that. Simply choose to set a boundary for yourself and avoid that blog or person in the future. Shouldn't we strive to build a community that is accepting? Shouldn't we support one another even if we disagree in their particular tastes? Because at the end of the day we are still similar even if the particular seasonings aren't to our liking.
I deeply appreciated all of those who have taken the time to read my words today. I hope for deeper understanding, more tolerance, more acceptance and a community that thrives and grows as we help each other along our own personal journeys.
