Hello Cage friends,
It has been a second or two. Suffice to say life is busy. Things are now beginning to roll in all different aspects of my life. Progress is being made in many wonderful and fantastic ways.
Sort of most recently was an experience in which I had reached new depths.
There are important aspects of my dynamic that I am beginning to explore more frequently and on a day to day basis. The way in which Velveteen and I interact is becoming more fulfilling and joyous each day. We are learning and growing and just experiencing new things for both of us at the same time.
A few days ago (or it might have been a couple) we had started playing within our scenes in slightly new ways. All thanks to the rebirth of old dead toys that now decided to work. Perhaps my Dom voice is more potent than I realized..... But for whatever magical mystical reason it began working and new ways of interacting has been granted between Faith and I.
Now, I am learning my own art form of D/s, there is still so much that I have yet to understand. But piece by piece and day by day it is becoming more clear. I have begun learning how to put my Delilah into deep subspace and it truly is wonderful and I feel very accomplished that I can manage this when we interact on a purely internet basis. Of course it puts a smile on my face anytime I succeed in managing this, especially when I can crack into her leaderboard of top 5 moments and experiences OF ALL TIME. I do indeed hope to hold all of the most fantastic experiences she's ever been witness to, and to truly dominant her leaderboard. But all in good time.
The reason I bring this post today is because while I had found success in managing to put her into subspace, it was not something that I have ever experienced. Honestly I had never found my Dom space. I wasn't sure what I was looking for. I wasn't sure what it felt like. I had no clue what this was even supposed to feel like.
The other day as we were playing, I realized some things. The intent behind the action is what truly is most important. Now, to those who regularly pay attention to my blog, you may have noticed something that I mentioned in a recent post. I found, acknowledged, and presented that I exist as a type of sadist. What type? Still figuring it out. How does this affect me? Still figuring that out too. How do I need and require my sadist tendencies to flourish inside my dynamic? Yup, you guessed it. Still working on that one too.
BUT, clarity was found the other day in some small ways. As we were playing, and as we were building towards the most intense portion of the scene. While I was watching I had a few thoughts spark through my brain. Partially because I had publicly admitted that I am a sadist. I believe that knowing, and acknowledging who you are is paramount to finding deeper spaces. But it wasn't just that I saw this part of me. This time I didn't run. This time I didn't hide that aspect of who I was. Instead, I actually leaned into it. I embraced it. I didn't hold any negative connotations to that space, I saw it, I pulled it further into who I am and embodied it. Now in the moment I wasn't able to vocalize my thoughts. But needless to say they were uttered VERY loudly inside my head.
I saw the difficult space my submissive was navigating for me. I saw her struggle. I saw her try her absolute hardest for me in that moment. And in my mind, I encouraged the intense behaviour. I celebrated her dedication to me. I allowed joy over her intense diligent dedication and effort to me and my requirements. I didn't run. I didn't hide. I didn't bury that aspect of who I am deep inside but rather turned to embrace it. And lo and behold at the end of the scene when we had reached the finale I actually experienced some wavy vision. I experienced floaty and tingly and very wonderful insightful, focused mental spaces.
I managed to experience to some mild degree my own dominant space. It exists and can exist. But it takes knowing myself. Accepting myself. Embracing it. I would have never been capable of doing this on my own though. It takes a truly spectacular person to bring out the best in us, and for all P/people what is required to bring your best is dependant in who you are, your values, your beliefs, your Will. I pray that those who have not found their P/person will, as the right P/person can radically change everything. I am deeply fortunate and honoured to have one such magical individual to walk my journey alongside me.
Thank you for reading my words today, and I hope they bring an insight that might allow you to navigate a space you've never experienced before.
