Good evening Cage friends,
Life is so very interesting. So many occurrences and different ups and downs. As well as life has been going there are still many moments that require my focused attention into managing my emotions.
Recently (over the last few weeks) there has been tremendous growth in realizing and overcoming faults, mishaps, miscommunications and understanding the concept of self awareness.
This lifestyle, this journey that we set about walking can be such a treasure trove of information and radical improvement. Despite the struggles, the heartache, the pain we move forward. One really important concept is being able to look for the weaknesses we hold. To really observe ourselves and critically look at our patterns of behaviour, to recognize our faults and shortcomings. To recognize where and why hurt and emotional reactions take place.
We all have triggers and responses to information, and our perception will many times shape our interaction. When we see something negatively we jump into defensive formations, guarding our internal or external well being. Holding fast to keeping the awful bad thing away. But just because something is hard, hurtful or difficult to get through doesnt necessarily make it "bad". There can be such tremendous growth from walking through those hard moments. Our failures and failings can help transform who we are. If we observe with a watchful eye, gleaning any information about how we handle life. Learning who we are in strife, how we respond. Why we respond or react. What about that particular situation sets us off?
If you approach with a critical mindset you can learn what not to do, how not to react. It doesnt mean we will get it all sorted after one mistake. But we can work at building a foundation of stability because we could fit one more piece that holds up who we are. We recognize that we dont do well when accused, or feel put down. There are a million different experiences and all of them can lend to growth in both positive and negative directions. So much of who we are can be defined by what happens around us, or what happens to us.
A large focus of my life recently has been to live with honour, integrity and respect. The thing is, its easy to be respectful or have honour when all is well. When it's roses and sunshine and rainbows. But to hold onto those things in frustration, anger, disappointment? That's another story.
Just the other day I had an experience which soured my mood and left me mired in frustration. I couldn't shake myself out of it and despite the best efforts of my slave (she had nothing to do with my frustration) she wasn't able to pull me free of my frustration. I had to take a hard reset and walk away for a moment alone and some clarity. The thing was I was projecting onto her. I was impacting her day because I was struggling to manage my own emotions. I didn't want to ruin the time we had left together for the day. I didn't want to sour the night because I was struggling to manage myself. But when I get frustrated sometimes I just want to live in that space. I am working on handling those spaces, working at being able to set myself right. Part of moving through my frustration though is not diminishing it. To feel it. Accept it. Exist with it. Allow it to be present, identify why I am feeling that way, give it its space and once I am at peace with my frustration release it.
Fortunately I was able to work at setting it aside and refocus on a bit of story time so that we could continue to enjoy our evening and allow that frustration to wash away. Its not an easy thing but its part of my growth and something I am learning to manage more successfully bit by bit.
Again its not about resolving your problems in a moment because likely they are engrained and will take multiple iterations of working through those issues to break free of that negative cycle. Its about trying to be better today than I was yesterday, because we cant go back in time and change who we were. But we do get to choose today who I will be. How will I respond? How will I choose to act today? Build those blocks today while looking toward the future. It will get better but it takes constant determined behaviour and action to intentionally work on resolving those issues.
To those that read my words today, thank you. I hope you find something worthwhile to help you in your journey and that you find success in forward movement.
Mstr J
