Good Evening Cage friends (although probably early morning by the time I finish writing and actually post this)
My last blog spoke about the fact that as part of a dynamic that I am made better by my slave and that my slave is made better by me. This is what a healthy established dynamic can bring, but what if you are looking for a healthy dynamic and someone who will walk into your life and fix all the things wrong with you?
I had read a blog recently though that struck me in some ways that raised a few alarms in my head and I felt the need to share something important with those that take the time to read my words.
So here it is: yes both Mikayla and myself are better for having found each other, yes W/we both add value to each others life. So often a solid dynamic built in trust/communication/dedication can and will do that. But here is the secret. While W/we are made better with and by each other W/we also acknowledge that W/we are individuals capable and not reliant on anyone else to fix or make U/us better. W/we by ourselves are enough. Although neither one of U/us would make the choice to walk alone because of the value and significance of the relationship W/we have. W/we are interdependent not codependent.
So here's a secret about me.
2 and a half years ago, I had not earned the right to my slave.
2 and a half years ago, I was not self aware.
2 and a half years ago, I was capable but not responsible.
2 and a half years ago, I was not a Dominant. Not a Master. Not an Owner.
2 and a half years ago, I was not fit to lead anyone.
Why is this important? Just recently in part of a dialogue Mikayla mentioned that 2 and a half years ago she would not have taken my collar. It wasn't meant to cut me down. It wasn't meant to hurt or offend me. It was the honest, transparent truth. 2 and a half years ago I was not fit to lead or guide her.
Why?
It didn't have to do with my experience. It wasn't about that I was new to the lifestyle. It was because I hadn't taken responsibility for my own life. I wasn't working at being my best self. I wasn't dedicating myself to improving/developing/leading my own life. I was lost. I was in transition. I wasn't stable. I wasn't grounded. I was relying on substances as a crutch and battling against my addictive nature.
Interacting with my future slave while prodding and poking around the idea of D/s and why it was important to me and learning who I was and am. I was just starting to walk my own personal path. I was just starting my life over at 28/29. I didn't have control over my emotions. I didn't have control over my choices. I didn't have intention that was founded in something healthy.
But with all those {not having} things, I made a choice. I made a choice to improve my life. I made a choice to discipline. I made a choice to make improvements and handle my demons. Now the important thing to realize is W/we will always have demons. Once W/we chase 1 away it is replaced by a different or sometimes similar one. I'm always a work in progress but 2 and a half years ago I wasn't even on the starting blocks. I hadn't even begun. I was quite a mess of a human and sorting so many aspects out.
There was no way at that time in my life if Mikayla had accepted my collar that W/we would have been okay. I would have likely fallen into past habits, destroyed the trust placed in me and destroyed something before it even started. But the interesting thing about starting by slow communication, by being long distance forced the process into a crawl. I had to work on me while building the 0.01% improvement of my life. It felt agonizingly slow. It felt like it wouldn't ever end. It felt like there wasn't ever a hope of anything working out or becoming reality.
The thing was, I needed to fix myself. I needed to heal myself. I needed to get right with my own core values and work at sorting my situation. I needed to establish my core values, I needed to realize my vision and set my Will. I needed to find myself within who I am, and become the best version I could manage in that moment.
So let's take a look at a small example. One effective tool I have found is to remind myself where I have come from, and how far Ive travelled. To take a moment and compare what may have been and what is. To realize I may not be where I yet desire but I am so much farther along than when I began. Reminding myself of the victories and accomplishments I have managed so far.
Yesterday I was exhausted after work. I got home after my night shift but had been delayed because I stopped to get some items that I needed. When I arrived home I was greeted by Mikayla and one of the most delicious breakfasts I've had in a long time. (All of the food I have eaten in the last week has been some of the most delicious, one of Mikaylas strongest attributes is her ability to create amazing food) After eating and chatting W/we went to bed an hour after arriving home and I woke up just an hour before I had to leave to come back to work. This same situation without my slave would have been radically different. When I got home I would have skipped breakfast. I would have emptied my vehicle and gone straight to bed. I would have woken up with no time to get ready for work and likely would have been rushed and late. Mikayla prepped food, took care of the items and cleaning, she sorted the small necessary things so that when I woke up all I had to do was shower and clean my teeth. Her slave mentality of service oriented submission made my life so much easier such that I could accomplish so much more due to her support.
First I am immensely grateful for the change and difference Mikayla has made in my life. She makes so much more possible because of her service. But let's take this same exact situation but lets look at it from 2 and a half years ago.
The difference is the fact that I struggled with productivity. I procrastinated. I would have taken unhealthy advantage and abused the fact that her slave mentality would be to help in all areas of my life. I would have used her help to bolster my laziness. Having her around would have been a detriment because it would have been an excuse to procrastinate more, to become lazier and less effective. The areas of her strength, her organizing, the food she prepares would have been wasted on me in that time of my life because I would have taken it for granted. It would not have been earned and would not have been healthy for me and ultimately for her. It would become a negatively spiralling effect that would have destroyed U/us.
The fact is without developing my own sense of need to handle my life, without my own drive, without my own effort all that my slave is would have been wasted on me. Now though getting the chance to rest and know all that I need handled will be sorted so I can do more with my time gives me the opportunity I need to be the man I am and the man she needs me to be. I came to work refreshed, ready, and was able to run errands effectively on my way to work and will be running on my way home to give my slave the tools she needs to be successful in my life.
The point is this. You can't wait for someone to fix your life. Begin fixing your life. Handle the obstacles that are holding you back. If something isnt working then try something new. Do something different that may yield different results. If that still doesn't work then learn what you can from the experience and grow. Its only when you have been working at making yourself the healthiest version of you that when the right person steps into your world that you are ready to have them in your life. The result of being your healthiest means you are prepared and ready to be assisted and grow in the right ways with the right person.
To those that take the time to read my words today I thank you, I hope that my experience may give some insight that sets you on the path that's right for you.
Mstr J
