Good morning Cage friends,
Life has been insanely busy but I am abundantly grateful for that. Mikayla and I have nearly finished all of O/our preparations for the BBQ event W/we are hosting later on today.
I was fortunate to grab a 4 hour nap but as such I now lay wide awake in the middle of the night (thanks night shifts) unable to fall asleep. I have been thinking over my week, the interactions, conversations and moments and wanted to share my experiences and part of my approach.
D/s is a magnificent thing. It's important to remember that it's exceptionally versatile and can be approached in 100 different ways. It's about finding what suits you. What resonates with your values and applying those aspects to your dynamic. It's about remembering that each s type is extremely unique and knowing what may have worked for your last submissive or slave may not be appropriate for your current girl and the current situation. You have to think. You have to use the information you have and then take the appropriate action that fits the situation.
What I am speaking about is a really fundamental part of any dynamic. It's about correction. Correction is a very necessary (but scary) part of an established dynamic. I mean W/we all want the best of the dynamic, to be able to laugh and exist inside joy, fun, and just good times. But eventually something will happen and as the Dominant or Master you get to make a choice about how you handle it. Do you let this moment slide because it's not a big deal? Do you bring down the hammer of the harshest punishment because no other way will change her? Do you allow time to act instead of react to the situation? Do you choose to correct her in a subtle manner that over time will garner change?
First I want to point out some considerations.
How you approach the situation and finding the appropriate response takes information. Consider the impact to your slave and the most effective tool to help move her in the direction you need. It's also important to take stock of your slaves mental state.
Part of being aware of her mental state is recognizing that to a slave who dedicates all of her existence to you may be terrified of being corrected. In a newer dynamic (one that is still in the early stages of development) it's helpful to remember that if your slave has existed inside previous dynamics that they have experience with the failure of that dynamic. Their Dominant or Master made a choice to release them. The loss of a dynamic is heart wrenching, painful and difficult. When W/we connect in D/s its such a powerful thing but losing that connection can feel like losing your soul or a part of you. Picking up the pieces and moving forward isn't easy. So when you sit down to correct your slave realizing that creating consistency with correction is important. Not only to keep the dynamic moving forward in the direction you desire but also as a peace and mercy to your slave. Creating frequent moments of correction helps her mind understand that you are correcting her to ensure the health and well being of the dynamic. That things are going well, that she is still desired and that by taking the time to correct her behaviour you keep her on the path you intend. Getting blindsided by "Oh I'm releasing you today because you fucked up 3 times 3 months ago and now it really bothers me." Is absolute shit. I mean even in simple conversations of interest and getting ghosted I see plenty of blogs about no warning, no understanding, left hanging WTF. When that comes as a sudden and unexpected release of a slave its absolutely life altering, the world is upside down and I can't breathe or see straight. So understanding part of the tension, fear, and discomfort on the slaves part at being at your mercy when undergoing correction and when she comes to kneel the thought of "Did I fuck up enough to have this end? Am I about to be released for my mistake?" is important. Creating consistent natural and normal moments that teach her to trust in you, to rely on the actions and words you provide that you hold the dynamic and her well being inside of your hand. That you are holding her and not letting go can bring healing, peace and serenity to her mind while undergoing the correction.
So lets go over some examples of what I'm talking about, and a few situations that Mikayla and I have walked through within the last week and a half.
To start lets begin with the "internal self correction".
Just over a week ago, Mikayla and I set about a day to go with my parents to hike up to an inukshuk I built with a friend years ago. W/we wanted to see if it was still standing, spend time with my family, enjoy some beautiful natural scenery and W/we had a project for the BBQ event that W/we were sourcing the materials from this hike. Now Mikayla has written her own blog about this moment and if you wish to share in her perspective you can check out her writing (and if I knew how to navigate the Cage on my phone better I would attach a link). As W/we finished the hike with my parents W/we said goodbye and set about O/our task. There was about a 2 km distance (or just under) from where the vehicle was parked to where W/we had piled up the rocks W/we had selected to create the fire pit. As W/we moved back and forth it became apparent that the bags brought were not of the best quality and couldn't sustain the weight of the rocks. The one backpack I was wearing did well enough but the other bags were quickly destroyed making the task even harder for Mikayla. I was moving at a quicker pace and soon W/we separated both carrying out the task at hand as best W/we could given our ability and resources to move the stones. It wasn't the easiest job. As I loaded up my backpack I also tried taking a stone or two in my hands but that was made difficult because of the water bottle I was carrying. So when I knew Mikayla was struggling and having a hard time at one trip when I got to the vehicle I set down her water, emptied my pack and went back for another trip. I thought to myself she will have the water and can rest and I will get the last bit sorted. When I passed her she told me she had been doing some thinking and needed to inform me of a mentality shift and I was grateful to know she had been doing internal work during this process. I gave her a hug (which hurt her) and told her I had left her water for her at the vehicle when she returned. But as she turned and continued on I didn't give her explicit clear direction to take a break and rest. I just said "I left your water at the vehicle." Now as I continued on the thoughts went through my head I should have told her to rest. The bag she was using looked damaged and frail like it could fail her at any moment. But I couldn't dwell on the fact I missed my chance so I got to the pile and loaded up the backpack and this time because I wasn't holding onto the water bottle I was able to fill my hands and arms with 5 stones. As I set back my pace was slow and I was just focusing on each step. My thoughts of hoping for Mikayla to sit and rest that she would wait for me by the vehicle quickly turned as I realized I had overloaded myself. Within the first 50 steps back I went from "I hope she rests" to "If she does return she can grab a couple of stones nearby and W/we will call it a day" to "Fuck I can't go any farther, if she can only take some of the weight out of my arms". As I trudged along I finally caught sight of her and as she called out I made my need known for her to help me. She took 3 of the 5 rocks, and suddenly I felt like I was making progress. My arms hurt but they didn't burn like they had been. My shoulder were sore from the straps of the backpack cutting into them but I realized I was done and with the time of the evening it was W/we needed to be done. W/we still had to stop at the Costco for groceries and there was a meeting I hoped to attend later that evening and if W/we spent anymore time here then W/we would miss it. So I called it a day, I told her W/we finished despite her desire to continue one and just get one more trip. I told her W/we would take what W/we had. If it wasnt enough then W/we would deal with that situation. But it was time to go.
As W/we began the drive to finish O/our errands Mikayla began to explain to me what she had been going through. Where her mind and thoughts went. The process and shift of her mentality of where she began and where she ended. As I listened to her I was immensely proud. She understood that I hadn't asked her to keep pace. I never asked her to carry the same weight I did. She understood that she just had to try her best, to give her effort and move so long as I did. Now understanding that my slaves driving force is to serve me as well as she can. To the absolute highest level, to the best of her ability. Its why she will ask constantly "Where can I improve?" "How can I serve you better?" "What do you need right now?" "Do you need me right now?" "Give this a rating out of 10, and how could it be better?" Part of this process is self directed because at the core of who she is, she wishes to please me with her service. When Mikayla explained to me the shift in her mentality the thing was she took it upon herself to correct her behaviour and mentality because at that point I wasnt even aware that anything was amiss. I didnt have a clue what and how she was struggling and so there was no way I could have possibly corrected her. But she knew. She understood. And she did the work necessary to improve and self correct such that I didn't have to do a thing but sit and receive and hear how she made her own internal progress. Because there are moments in time that no one else can do the internal work necessary except ourselves. This is part of being self aware, part of desiring to serve the dynamic and your Person. The best thing to do is simply exist such that you can listen to the results of the hard work they have done and give an honest evaluation of where their mentality is absolutely correct or where it needs tweaks given your understanding and ultimate end goal. This form of correction is based upon ensuring at the end your slave has the right mentality and is following your Will. If she does her self correction and ends up in the wrong direction with the wrong mentality then you need to discuss and lead her where you require her to be.
This next example is about timing, and being tactful.
W/we were out running errands and decided to stop in for a short window shopping excursion at the mall nearby where W/we had just checked the local hardware store for materials for projects W/we needed to get finished. As W/we walked around enjoying the time together there was a store that Delilah wanted to stop in at. There was a moment of interaction that didn't sit well with me and I felt a little disrespected. Now at this moment I knew I needed to speak to her and go over what had happened, but W/we were in public and it was not appropriate at that exact time to give her a scolding. It would not have served either of us well and would have ruined the day. So W/we continued on and as far as she was aware nothing was wrong. I choose to set aside the disrespect I felt and continue going through and looking around. W/we had an amazing time and really enjoyed every moment and when it was time to go there wasn't any part of the day that was impacted negatively.
Once W/we got into the privacy of O/our vehicle I brought up the interaction and W/we had an honest discussion about what had happened. I explained to her that I felt like she had disrespected me, and that her tone and manner did not align with my needs. Then I allowed her the chance to explain where, why and what had happened from her perspective. Part of the interaction was a misinterpretation of her intended tone and expression and my perception of where and how she was expressing herself. Really what it came down to was a miscommunication between U/us. As W/we discussed through what had gone on and where W/we had been misaligned in O/our communication part of an issue arose which is Delilahs ability to understand body language and expression to a degree. That has to do with the fact that she has aspergers autism. This has been a challenge all of her life and is not something easily overcome. In this area having patience to explain, express and share where there are miscommunications and where the expected guidelines for the future becomes the correction she needs instead of a scolding like I felt was initially warranted. I had to adapt my correction because of where the issue began and originated from and I would never have known that if I didn't ask and speak with her to gain the necessary information to truly understand the circumstance from both sides.
The next example is about being human and taking into consideration your slaves response when a mistake is made.
Yesterday as part of the preparation for the BBQ W/we still had many tasks to accomplish to finish preparations. One job that needed to be finished was to paint some sections of my house. Just a few weeks back I had gone through and reapplied some stucco on the side of my home to fix some cracks and seal around some windows with gaps just a little too large. As the new stucco dried it wasn't matched to the colour of my home and needed a coat of paint. W/we had recently set up tables and chairs and as Mikayla got ready with all the supplies and I opened up the can of paint I set about finishing my task of cutting some firewood for the smores we want to have towards the end of the BBQ. When she lifted up the paint can and moved over to begin her work the bottom edge got caught on the one chair and it bobbed and tilted spilling paint onto my deck and parts of her shoes. She immediately started grabbing paper towel and frantically began cleaning every bit of wet paint as quickly as she could. She took every action possible to fix her mistake. As I considered the correction required I began to think through "Has this ever happened to me?" And I immediately remembered something almost exactly like this and I knew how easily that could have been my mistake. I knew she did not intend to spill the paint. She wasnt willful, negligent or being disrespectful. It was an accident. It was a moment of being human. The important part for me was the fact that she immediately reacted to fix her mistake. She knew she messed up. She was so worried about getting the paint removed before it dried. But it was a hot day and once most of the liquid had been removed the tiny bit left dried immediately. She had no chance. So I got her to calm down and finish the task of painting the house. I told her that once she was done she would clean her brush and make sure all the paint was removed and I went downstairs and grabbed the leftover paint that matched the colour of the deck and set it outside for her to fix her mistake. She was to literally go over and fix her own mistake. That was the correction she needed. Now if she had reacted in a different way, if she was flippant or unconcerned about the well being of my property not only would correction be warranted but a punishment as well. Her response to her actions dictated the action I deemed as necessary for proper correction.
In all correction I believe intention is important. I believe understanding is critical to responding with appropriate and reasonable correction. I believe that gentle small pushes in the right direction will yield larger results over the long term. I believe keeping up with small corrections will keep my slave from requiring larger punishments. I believe in a reasonable and fair approach of the punishment fits the crime. I also believe in the nature of my slave and that she wants the best for me and to serve me as best she can. To help her attain those goals knowing when to be lenient, when to be strict, when to push and to show her to trust in me that I will take the action I see fit when situations arise gives her what she needs to be my best slave.
Now after writing nearly 3 hours its time I get some rest as W/we have a big day ahead of U/us.
To those that read my words today I thank you. I hope this insight into my dynamic, how I choose to act, when I choose to act is helpful in giving context to the approach you may develop for your own dynamic and help you along your journey.
Mstr J
