What's Going On?

I'm learning more and more every day about this lifestyle. I have learned that there are just as many uneducated assholes on Fet as there are in every day Life. But iur community here is my favorite. Maybe it's the distance between all of us that keep us real and honest, I don't know. The struggle to find a Dom that I can trust completely on the internet is REAL. I'm so grateful for the opportunity to get advice from real Dom's of what to watch out for. I have weeded out many using guidelines they have set. I find it sexy when a man whom I have never even met offers himself and his wisdom not to mention the fact that they are protecting me. Thank you fellow Cagers!!!

I would love the input from any of the vets out there, please. This lifestyle is the most amazingly beautiful fantasy for me, I ache tremendously to live it. The more I discover, the wetter my panties get.

It all started by reading erotica books/novels/series. Then last summer, I was blessed with the good fortune of  chatting with a man who opened my eyes to a world I never knew existed. From the first chat with this man, I wanted only him and I wanted him to be who would transform me into this perfect sub made for only him. He lives in California, I live in Kansas. Both of us are not financially able to travel to meet and carry out my training. I have considered the option of being trained by a different Dom, but I only crave the man whom I have learned so much from already. 

I recently started reading an erotica novel that is about a sub training camp where the new subs have to perform scenes with a Dom selected by the trainers. They are taught the proper body language and the ways to answer a Dom, etc. Anyway, the main character and one if the trainers have a secret unsaid yearning for each other (which is forbidden). He gives her a protection collar to keep the other Dom's at Bay until training is over. 

My question is....Is it better to be properly trained by a man whom the sub has chosen to be her permanent Dom? Or is it better to be trained by more of a teacher-Dom...one that will turn you into a sub that only the luckiest Dom will have her.

Have you ever had a vision of what the hottest character in an erotica story looks like? And then one day out of the blue, an old aquaintance pops into your life. It's then that you have flashbacks of those stories and realize it is him! My dream Dom stood in front of me and he hadn't the slightest inclination of the exciting thoughts that raced through my mind. I believe that I can train him to train me as his sub. I can teach him how to be who he really is with me. He will trust me, as I will trust him...

Being alone can be one of those things that are needed and enjoyed, but being alone when you are in a room full of people is a feeling that I hate. I need to feel as if I belong to somebody. To be loved and appreciated. Yet, time and time again I have been mistreated and abused. Or most importantly, misunderstood. How long must I wait for someone to accept me for who I am? Possibly forever and that breaks my heart. I would like to blame Kansas, but it must be me.

I have been blessed to have found a Dom that has offered to be my protective big brotherly Dom. This man has absolutely nothing to gain by playing with my emotions, telling me false information, or doing me any harm at all. He has offered nothing but help and advice and help for not only me, but my potential prospects for my Dom. Even if he is in a different country, he has promised me that he will be able to protect me and I trust that he will without hesitation. My potential choice for my first Dom has never trained a sub before and this generous man has offered his help. Thank you J 

One of these days, I know I will find exactly what I'm looking for in a Dom.  I envy those who have already found their companion and place in this world. I feel so lost and alone. I always have felt this way. When I hear stories of successful relationships in this lifestyle, it keeps me searching.  My experience thus far has been that those from other countries seem to have so much more respect for submissives than here in the states. If only I had the opportunity to travel, I believe I would find the perfect man for me.

I have made so many new discoveries since I started my journey to find myself just a few short months ago. My perception of the BDSM lifestyle has just started to bud, and when this flower blooms I plan on it being magnificent.

In one of my previous blogs titled, "question" I had mentioned that I wanted to find a Dom that hadnt ever had a sub before. I compared it to the equivalent of losing ones virginity in a sense. I would like to retract that statement. That would definitely be an understatement. The blind leading the blind never equals success, does it? 

i couldn't have pictured myself being anything other than a sub until I was talking with a fellow kikster the other day. I was asking him how a Dom/Domme  earns that title. I asked if there was any training or at least some kind of basic 101. I thin there should be an age limit to be able to call themselves anything specific. I have been seeing several, several 18-late 20's claiming to be a Dom. They think that just because they want to be in charge in the bedroom, that makes them Dominant. Or they think that a sub is equivalent to slave. For instance, two days ago, I told one of the gentlemen that write me about my need for a Dom. Well he acted as if he only knew about the pain side of BDSM. so I explained what I could. A little while later, he asked for me to show my tits and I declined. He stated, "I think you must be forgetting who you are talking to. Let me know when you get some manners." So then I politely replied, "You don't just 'get' to be my Sir. You have to earn my trust and respect first. If you are lucky enough to meet my expectations, I might choose you"  Today, when I woke up I realized that I can't be trained by anyone other than an experienced professional Dom. Well folks, I have been given so much great advice from many members, and I'm going to start living my dream.

This morning I messaged a friend I had met on Kik. He was one of those people that was just as curious as I am concerning what I want to find.  Now, this Dom has had his sub for 2 years. And from the moment I saw his eyes, I knew I wanted my Dom to have piercing and demanding sexy eyes just like his. As we chatted, I explained that I am on borrowed time so to say and he hit the nail on the head when he said, "So you are trying to squeeze every bit of life out of what you have left" I explained to him how difficult it is for me to explore my fantasies in a town as small as the one I live in. The options are not the best here. He then told me that he could help me and it will happen for me. I assumed he meant he had connections with someone who would be willing to train me or help me carry out my desires.

Then, my fantasy started coming true. It is like I'm inside of a book. He said it would be him that would be using me as meat, pushing my limits of pain, and helping me explore my needs.  All we are waiting on is our STD results. I am beyond excited!!!

It is always said here in Kansas that if you don't like the weather, just wait a couple days and It will change. And it's pretty much true. But today is perfect outside. A slight breeze, the smells of Autumn, and the sun is shining. 

On days like this, my dirty little mind thinks of nothing other than what it would be like to have sex in that place outside next to the lilac bush, or over there by the tree with the branch that hangs just low enough to have your hands tied to it. Or in the pasture where maybe a farmer sits on his tractor getting off by watching me get bent over and pounded. 

Then I realize that I am all alone so I go inside to grab my little vibrator. Wearing no panties and some stretchy shorts, I come back outside and sit in my lounge chair and make myself squirt all over within minutes. Wow, I needed that so much! Thank you mother nature from Kansas.

It is always said here in Kansas that if you don't like the weather, just wait a couple days and It will change. And it's pretty much true. But today is perfect outside. A slight breeze, the smells of Autumn, and the sun is shining. 

On days like this, my dirty little mind thinks of nothing other than what it would be like to have sex in that place outside next to the lilac bush, or over there by the tree with the branch that hangs just low enough to have your hands tied to it. Or in the pasture where maybe a farmer sits on his tractor getting off by watching me get bent over and pounded. 

Then I realize that I am all alone so I go inside to grab my little vibrator. Wearing no panties and some stretchy shorts, I come back outside and sit in my lounge chair and make myself squirt all over within minutes. Wow, I needed that so much! Thank you mother nature from Kansas.

As I watch the Sunday morning news, my heart is overwhelmed with empathy for those whom are directly and indirectly effected by the hurricane in Texas. My prayers are going to be continually going out to the millions of people left homeless, hungry, wet, cold, etc.