Am I really submissive? Was I just fantasizing about the lifestyle? What is wrong with me?
All questions that plagued me in my first and subsequent dynamics. I simply did not feel compelled to listen and now I realize I was constantly being told what to do with no example to guide me and with selfish views and attitudes in mind. Do as I say not as I do. “Live healthier because I want you to look better for me.” All of the commands were in view of and given with the intent to benefit or satisfy my dominant with out me as a whole in mind.
My identity was cast away and I was squished into a mold of a submissive that modulated a lifestyle contrary to that of the dominant themselves but one of what they wanted so desperately for me to live. I was told to make drastic change and throw out what I wanted for my future image. The blind commanding the blind.
At least for me, I feel most dominated and fulfilled when I’m led by example and love. I now crave to listen not because I’m being bombarded by commands but because I see the reflection of a lifestyle I want to live and in turn a dominant I want to please.
