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Bacon, Idolatry and other such Sacrilege.

Sometimes my mind forgets that it’s encased inside my skull.

Ramblings, stories and random absurdity brought to you from the writer of “1001 Uses for Hoarded Toilet Paper” and “I’m Willing to Bet $10 Jesus Christ was from Outer Space” and many other books, papers, and requisition forms you’ve never heard of. Read at your own personal peril, laugh a bit, cringe a lot and visit often!
4 years ago. May 2, 2020 at 2:06 AM

If he was to be completely honest with himself, she wasn’t his type. He had almost completely overlooked that rather conspicuous inconvenience. So why did he feel this way about her? What made her stand out above all the other girls that he had interactions and interrelations with over the years? He pondered these questions for a moment that seemed to last forever. He silently stared at her sleeping peacefully beside him. She was quite beautiful with her kinky curls draped over her high cheek bones and her perfectly formed “Cupid’s bow” lips. God, she was everything to him.

 


“Fuck” he thought to himself. “I really am fucked.”

 


Perhaps she WAS his type and he had just been too stubborn over the years clinging to the idea that he could settle for someone less deep; just a pretty face with little substance. This was not her though. No. She had hopes…dreams…desires...ambitions. She was the real deal; the kind of woman wars are started over; the kind of love a man only finds once in a lifetime.

 


His gaze clung to her soft curves. “Please, God, don’t let me fuck this up” he thought to himself.

 


He covered her shoulders with the colorful blanket he had bought her in the market earlier that day and laid silently beside her. She took a deep breath and sighed and they both fell into long and peaceful slumber.

 


It was a deep, dream-filled sleep.

 


He found himself walking in the market surrounded by several people, odd smelling fragrances and curious objects of all different uses, sizes and shapes. The portions of sky that could be seen through the overhanging cover of netted material and strange decor was colored in different shades of orange and pink accented with fluffy, vanilla clouds. The ground was littered with a rainbow of scrap paper and discarded wrappers.

 


He noticed her standing next to one of the many vendors. Even from behind, the shape of her body and full head of kinky curls was unmistakable. As he approached her she turned to face him and smiled.

 


"Damn” he thought to himself. “That smile is everything.”

 


He reached out to take her hand. It was warm and soft to the touch. Her skin was a beautiful mixture of caramel and olive and it glowed whenever she smiled. He could never take his eyes off of her; not since the first moment she entered his line of sight. Even in his dreams he could not stop staring.

 


He smiled back at her and the look of love sparkled back at him from deep within her brown eyes. He was just about to lean in for a kiss when…

 


…He was suddenly aware of a cold wetness against his face and a faint, muffled melody coming from nearby. He opened his eyes to see that he was laying in bed, face down into his drool covered pillow. He raised his hand to his face to wipe away the saliva as a horrifying thought entered his mind. Had she seen him like this??? He looked beside himself. She was not in bed. It was still a little dark in the room but he could see light escaping from under the bathroom door. He let go a sigh of relief as he realized that the singing he heard was emanating from the shower. Apparently she had awaken and found her way to the bathroom in the dark without noticing his embarrassing little unconscious accident...At least he hoped.

 


He laid in bed listening to her. She had a voice that matched her beauty; like an angel.

 


“How could this angel be here with me?”

 


He smiled, flipped the sheets from his body and stood up to walk toward the bathroom. As he opened the door the hot steam from within rushed out to greet him. He announced himself by clearing his throat. She was startled momentarily and quickly poked her head out from behind the curtain to see who had crept up on her. As soon as her eyes met his she smiled that smile again; that loving smile that he adored.

 


“Morning baby!” she exclaimed. “Are you just going to stand there or are you gonna get in here with me?”

 


He did not hesitate...not even for a millisecond.

 

 

 


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