In life we find ourselves in many different situations. Some of them are good. Some of them are bad. Sometimes it’s the result of right choices. Sometimes it’s the result of very wrong choices. People will come and go in and out of your life at different times for different reasons. Sometimes you are ready when they depart and sometimes you are not. The only thing that remains constant is that EVERYTHING, both good and bad, needs to be a learning experience.
It’s natural to always think of yourself as the “good guy” in any situation but the fact of the matter is that nobody is always the good guy...not even when your intentions are pure in nature. Even when you feel that you are completely justified there will always be another point of view to contend with.
Looking within is probably the scariest thing we can do...and the hardest. Have you ever played the devils advocate in a situation of your own making?
Lies are a very poisonous and infectious disease. Once you tell one it poisons your relationship with someone and further, it’s made worse when the first lie perpetuates the next, and the next and so on. Eventually, you will get caught in the lie and once that happens everything you say or do from that point on will be questioned. All of your promises both past and present become null and void in the eyes of the victim. And when love is involved it has the power to do greater harm than anything imaginable.
So you’ve identified your faults. Where do you now begin to repair the damage you’ve inflicted? Can it be repaired? Can hurt that deep ever be undone? My belief is that hurt can never be undone. It stays forever in the mind of both or all parties involved as it should. Remember everything in life is a lesson. The only thing you can do is own your mistake and try…I say try because sometimes that’s all we can do…but at least try to make the changes in yourself necessary to prevent falling back into past transgressions.
So now, after looking within, you’re probably feeling quite depressed. Do you deserve to feel this way? Nobody either does or does not deserve to feel some type of way about things they do or don’t like about themselves. That’s not a choice or a consequence. It’s a human emotion. However, If you DON’T feel bad after hurting someone then there might actually be something seriously wrong with you.
The purpose of inner reflection is to forcibly identify the things that need to be fixed inside yourself. You can’t fix a relationship by looking within but you can fix the thing that destroyed it so that it doesn’t happen in future relationships. I’m not saying that all hope is lost for the previous relationship but you, personally, have absolutely no control over that outcome and very little influence over what the other person decides.
It sometimes takes a long time to come to that conclusion and to wrap your head around the parts of it that make you feel trapped and alone. It’s not easy at all and I don’t think it’s supposed to be. I think it should be gut wrenching and sleep depriving and everything else unpleasant so that you will never forget what you did or the heartache it caused in all parties involved.
