Am I too needy or is it just the normal early relationship jitters?
Have I kept my personal Identity? I am still very opinionated and don’t capitulate to everything he says, we just happen to agree on a lot of points. I do want to spend a lot of time with him, but I am okay with independent time as well. I know who I am, and while I am a sub, I am also a mother, sister, daughter, teacher, friend. That is not going to change.
Explosive arguments- we have never had a heated argument over nothing...we have never had a heated argument period. I trust my Dom. I may worry or stress, that is something I do about a lot of things, but I don’t tend to overreact. Although I must admit a bit of passionate discussion does tend to turn me on.
I don’t over-text (I don’t think) I don’t keep texting until I get a response, but if I find something amusing or that I think he would be interested in I will share it then so I don’t forget about it or just want to let him know I am thinking about him; I don’t expect a response or dialogue right then and there.
I think I have a healthy level of jealousy but I don’t ever want it to cause me to try to control him or go bat-shit crazy on him.
I miss him when we are apart but we still have our own lives to lead. We have different hobbies and friendships along with those that we do share. I do like that we have a group of “couple friends”, although I am new to this group and not as active with them as I would like. This is healthy. Along with this, I did get into a little funk when we don’t Skype at the end of the day. Well, it did just happen once so far...lol...but I wasn’t falling onto my bed sobbing and it didn’t send me spiraling into depression. If that happens, I will know that I need to put a little more focus on me as an individual and not as part of a unit.
I admit to scoping things out on social media at the beginning (# stalking), but I don’t feel that I need to know everything that is said to him or by him to other women. I trust that he will share important information with me. For myself, I have chosen to share all communication from other males with him, especially those whom I’ve had a deeper connection with in the past. I want to be transparent and I never want him to have a moment's doubt about my level of commitment to him.
When someone is needy and insecure, they can attach themselves to someone way too fast. I tend to do this, but is it because I am needy or because I let my emotions drive the bus? We did move fast, we had a contract and I was collared one week after we decided to make this a relationship. In my defense, I had been reading his blogs and comments for months and already liked him as a person, it wasn’t difficult to take that next step towards something deeper, it just felt right. I never felt like I had to do anything to get him or keep him.
So, other than a few personal issues I need to work on (but don’t we all) I’m not as needy as I thought I was.