Journey as a New Submissive

John Brownstone​(dom male) - There is only one way you will know, you need to ask him. Communication is key and while it may be hard to ask the question at least you will know where you stand.

sweater​(sub female) - I fear the answer but I know I have to ask.

Lucyinthesky​(sub female) - You have no judgment with poly it’s just not for you right? I think you’ve made your decision. You have to be happy.

sweater​(sub female) - No I have no judgment, my issue is I don’t know if he still lives it he didn’t specify he said he’s enjoyed it in the past and I left it there I didn’t ask because I fear what the answer may be

Lucyinthesky​(sub female) - You have to ask.

slaveMikayla​(sub female){MstrJ } - Ok... Hi sweater *hugs*,
remember the switch misconceptions? This is actually similar! You did ask a great question up there! "If he chooses to be poly I can still choose to be just with him... is that a thing?" Why, YES, yes it is! Ok. So the posters above have a great point. You do need to have a frank and open conversation, but you dont need to go into it with decisions. There is no decision to be made, yet. Just like you are learning yourself with regards to this lifestyle, learning where you fit into the concept of poly can take time. Some people enjoy being actively involved in a mutual poly relationship (think a triad). Others prefer to maintain an open poly relationship where the people involved are not necessarily involved with each other. And yes, some people are comfortable with their partner having more than one partner, but prefer to remain monogamous to their poly partner. What you are comfortable with may change dependent upon the situation, or it may be something that you just flat out arent comfortable with. What isn't ok is trying to bend yourself in ways you would be damaged by. When approaching poly it helps to look at the reasons for your motivations and address those. So when you think about poly try to be a bit mindful of what are the reasons and motivations your partner is seeking or may want to seek another partner. Can you accept those? What are the reasons you are against it for them or for you? Are those reasons something you or you both can address? Lastly, wisdom and this is dependent upon what type of D/s relationship you are in... (I know you're not yet... but someday) ... does your partner have the wisdom to Lead the relationship (yours and any others he may have now or in the future) in ways that will keep you safe, sane, and fulfilled? If he does, then this might be an area to trust.
I, myself have been in several poly relationships and in the end only one of them I consider to have been handled ethically. So for me, while it is not a hard limit it is one that if I were to approach again my partner would need to establish that trust with me that he can be trusted to lead not only me, but whomever else he is with and to above do no harm (read not be a selfish pr***.)
***hugs you TIGHT*** my inbox is always open. I also have a great group of friends who run a poly awareness group if you'd ever like to get some other viewpoints.

sweater​(sub female) - *Hugs back!*

Thank you, those are all things I truly have to think about. It would be easy to say yes just so I could keep him in my life but I don’t think that’s the best thing to do. Sometimes it seems a overwhelming but I just have to take it in strides. Thank you for the invitation I’ll for sure private message you with question. Thank you for your kindesss

slaveMikayla​(sub female){MstrJ } - Always! ♡

SchrodingersDinosaur​(switch female){N/a} - I absolutely agree with, and second, Faith's take above, but I'll double down on the talking to him comment. She called it, you don't really know what 'flavor' of poly he is without some good discussion. It's entirely possible that while he's previously lived and enjoyed poly it's not something he needs, or even wants, in his life in this season. And while it's unfair (and ultimately seldom truly successful) for a mono-ist to coerce or force a poly-minded person to give up the idea of loving more than one, there are cases where the poly person is able to live mono perfectly happily, key to this working is that it has to be because they wish to live that way, not that the mono wishes it for them. Much luck, - Henna

sweater​(sub female) - It’s good to know it’s possible we have a date coming up on the 22nd and although we talk via text and FaceTime id like this to be a face to face conversation so I guess I’ll have to wait and see what happens hopefully things go my way