It seems I'm in a writing mood this weekend...
This one is to discuss a sore point that I have developed recently. It wasn't sore until I joined theCage but it has rapidly become so and I'd rather deal with this openly so people can read and know to avoid me if this is something important to them... Apologies in advance for this 'ranty' post but I'm a bit ticked off it happens so often.
I am, ladies and gentleman, Five feet and Eight inches tall. This was the way I was made, and I'm afraid that I cannot do anything to change it, not that I see the need.
It has no bearing on who I am or what I can do but to some others, it seems to in their minds. More times than I'm now comfortable with I have been ghosted immediately upon discussion of height - a subject that now heralds a sense of looming disappointment of wasted time.
It doesn't come up at all in a majority of discussions that I am in, but when it does it is always from my partner in the conversation. Personally, I don't care if someone is four feet ten in heels or are over six feet; if you meet the personality characteristics that will mesh with me then I'm good to go. Personality is important to what we are doing here; you have to be able to get on. To me, height is merely a fact ; but if its one that is so important for others to ghost on, it should be front and centre.
Imagine how one might feel if, when engaging with me, I indicated I'm only able to talk and progress with people of a certain consistent weight, or race; that unless you have the internal musculature to crush a ping pong ball and expel it over a vast distance, you aren't for me. These things all seem rather foolish, rude, or even downright unpleasant to me. Yet as a community we seem to give a pass on them. I do it myself - weakly saying thanks but goodbye (to an already absent conversation partner).
I often see phrases about preferences to defend this behavior - but these aren't preferences are they? Perhaps one might prefer [insert favourite celebrity here] if they were available but that doesn't stop us all meeting and building wonderful things with someone else.. This kind of thing is a hard limit, no less a rude one than if I put "only contact me if you are a least a 9 pls" in my profile. Put it on the profile!
When I see the phrase written "it might seem shallow but...", to me it is a redundant phrase. It very literally is shallow. What someone means to say is "you have to be X for me to reply". No considerations for anything else, that's as deep as the puddle goes... Now people certainly have a right to want what they want, just as I have a right to point out that would earn opprobrium if they were say, a man telling someone to not bother replying unless willing to do his laundry for him. No one should get a free pass on this.
As I don't directly approach others then this is even more frustrating for me. Very often it causes many hours of wasted time and some irritation on my part about a lack of honesty. Sometimes, I am lucky to be told this early on. I thank people for letting me know quickly in such cases. I can at least work with that, even if I'm unlikely to have a favourable opinion of the person, I can at least respect the timing. In either situation, the ghosting still happens by the way! Always charming ;)
So now, my dreadful secret that I didn't know was dreadful is out. Feel free to shun me as the horror I now find myself to be. However if someone decides to engage with me and utters those unwelcome words, don't be surprised to get your ear bent out of shape ;)
Now back to our scheduled musical programming...
