Embracing my chaotic thoughts and asking for opinions…..

Why is it that when I am out of sorts I always want to reach for the past?  Reach out to the one who was too cowardly to be a man or run back to the one I walked away from because he never knew the real me?  Find comfort where I know only pain will result.  Maybe I’m an emotional Masochist, maybe I’m reaching for the known because the unknown is scary, or maybe I am just a mid- life mess.

My hopes for a happy ever after never seem to pan out.  What I am searching for…..a partner in this life and a Dominant in the bedroom is just more unicorns and rainbows.  Maybe I’m not really submissive….maybe I just need really kinky sex and a man to put me over his knee.  Maybe it’s all a fairytale…..

Irrational. 

Unreal.

Yet someone I hardly know creeps into my thoughts and makes me want things, makes me long for them.  I think of hands on my body, breath hot on my neck as he whispers to me, “Be a good girl and open for me.”  I feel moisture gather between my legs and wish his fingers were there teasing, playing, owning.  I am ready to submit, be used, please….but then be held, cherished, and praised.  Warm thoughts on this cold night.

Today was a hard day.  I was surrounded by people I love and whom love me.  I didn’t cook but I did my part…..tidying, cleaning, helping to get the house ready.  The food was delicious and abundant.  The company was delightful.  It was still hard…..the first Thanksgiving without my kids(yes they are now 20 and 22 but still my kids).  As I lay in the darkness I wanted to share what I’m thankful for.

I’m thankful for friends that choose to be my family.

I’m thankful that I am able to explore who I want to be, even if some days it’s hard.

I’m thankful for a community like this where I can meet people to help me grow and learn.

And at the moment I’m thankful that I have friends willing to humor my little girl side.  I have to work tomorrow but then I get to go see Wish.  I was going to go alone but my ride or die bestie is willing to suffer for me 💕

I hope your Turkey was juicy, your day full of joy and memories, and for those that struggled I hope you can find something to be Thankful for.  

I’d love to hear what you are thankful for.

Good morning friends!

It’s Monday.  Cold and cruel is how it felt when I rolled out of bed this morning.  My drive to work brought familiar favorites on the radio and cotton Candy skies.  It’s a short week and I’m sure the crazy will be high BUT I wanted to send you all my positive vibes and hopes that this is a turning point.

You see I’ve been battling to figure out what’s next but I think I have just decided I’m under construction.  Hopefully it doesn’t take as long as some of these road projects but who knows.

Go out and rock your Monday or finish strong if that’s your time zone😊

Good morning 🌞. 

I awakened to the bright sun streaming through the window into my chilly bedroom.  Michigan in November is moody.  The house isn’t quite awake yet and the heat from my electric blanket makes me want to stay cocooned in my bed.  I roll the last 10ish months through my mind and wonder if what I am seeking really is a fairy tale.  Then I tell myself to get up and soldier on, figure things out, take care of the business of life.

But today I don’t wanna.  I don’t want to deal with chores, plans, finances.  I don’t want to clean my room, help with the house, or do the laundry.  I just don’t wanna….very brat thing to say I know.  Perhaps I will overcome or perhaps I will just curl up and get lost in the happy ever after of a good romance novel.  

Anyone else ever face days like this?

Staring my Fri-yay feeling playful and right before pulling into work this comes on…..

May be a good day to have a good day my friends 💕

This year has been one of change, of growth, of letting go, and of learning about myself.  I made the choices.  I am okay with it.  But sometimes you just have to grieve and embrace the sad.

Today I embrace the sad.  Today I wonder if what I seek even exists.  Today I don’t need to be a sub….I need to be held.  But my reality doesn’t allow that and today I embrace that too.  I just try to remember that often beauty rises from the ashes…..

In recent months I keep getting the word sexy thrown at me.  So what does this mean to you?  To me I see a man as sexy when he possesses a characteristic I’m enamored with or a personality trait I find hard to resist.  A smile, a great set of arms, the uncanny ability to know how much I yearn to be in his arms…..someone who puts up with my very unique self.  Someone who can talk dirty to me via text or better yet over the phone and make me yearn for him.  

This is my sexy but I’m interested to know what yours is?

I swear I’m going to write a book by this name.  Men and women are very different creatures and it seems to me that some people don’t realize that sometimes words are more than words.  

You are beautiful.  You are sexy.  I want you.  Mine………

All the pretty words that hit the target that is my heart.  All the pretty words I long for and convince myself are true.  BUT are you actions matching those words?  Do you realize that every pretty word leaves a scar when you walk away?  A little hole and a lot of self-loathing at myself for believing I was worth the pretty words?

I don’t need pretty words.  I need consistency.  I need care.  I need someone who needs and desires me as much as I need to give my all to them.  I need the time, attention, and common courtesy that you should show someone who matters.  Or maybe I’m just chasing the unicorn again…..

Have you ever walked into a place and been inspired?  An adventure came my way this weekend and I took it.  I walked into a hotel room with a lovely view and a shower in which incredibly naughty things could happen in……

Is there a place that awakens your desires?