Kissing Tears

Warning * This is a true story based on true events. The names will not be named to protect those that were involved in this scene. 

A long time ago, when I was much younger and just getting settled in the public scene of the BDSM community, I use to meet up with a group of friends and my owned submissives. 

At this time, I owned 4 submissives: My cookie, My doll, My pet, and My slave. My slave is the deepest maso I know and this scene is one I did with him. 

Like normal, we all met in SF for dinner before the dungeon opened. When we were finished, we went to the club before it opened and set everything up. I then played with the others I owned. After a nice break, I then turned to my slave.

I shoved him against the cross and told him to stand there with his hands behind his back and not to move. Then I attached a ton of tinny little wooden clothes pins all over the front of his body. On his nipples, chest, belly, ears, arms, legs, ball sack, and cock of course. he started bouncing and giggling with excitement as I picked up the single tail. I cracked it once in the air, then took aim and started whipping each clothes pin off one by one. They started flying everywhere around the dungeon as I can hear each one land on the cement floor. 

Next I took out my other toys one by one and beat him with them until I changed to the next one, using my paddle, floggers, canes, crops, and finally coming to my buggy whip. My slave loves my buggy whip. With every zing he begs for more, "please Goddess, please give me more. More please, PLEASE give me more". Loving every bit of pain I am inflicting upon him until I was tired of swinging things around and satisfied finally reaching that sweet Dom high of Dom space. 

Next I told him to kiss my feet and then crawl around the floor and pick up all the clothes pins. By this time they were everywhere. As he collected them he would bring them to me, place them in my hand, kiss my feet and crawl off to get more. As he crawled away, I would point in one direction saying, "you missed some over there" and throw the ones in my hand in the opposite direction. I kept this up as everyone in the dungeon stood by laughing and enjoying the humiliation of my slave. 

Once I tired of that, I moved on and told my slave I was done, "come kiss my feet" which he is always over joyed to do. As he kissed my feet I said, "okay sweety, you may get up now". As he kissed my feet one last time and started to rise I slammed my foot on his shoulder and said, "What the FUCK do you think you're doing"? 

With a thud, he slammed down to the ground and as he gasped he began kissing my feet again and begging for forgiveness with, "Goddess I'm so sorry, Please forgive me. I am so bad, I thought you said I could get up, please forgive me". To which I chuckled and replied, "Oh, I did sweety, you can get up". 

Once again, as he started to rise I slammed my foot on his shoulder and asked him, "What are you FUCKING doing"? Again, he started kissing my feet and begging for forgiveness. This continued in rotation of me granting him permission and him begging for forgiveness, just to have me stomp him down again six or seven more times. Then he finally collapsed on the floor in tears crying so much he was blubbering. 

Everyone in the dungeon was snickering and waiting to see what would happen next. As he cried I started to nudge him with one foot and as the room fell into a hush waiting for what would come next. I leaned down and said in the sweetest voice, "sweety, why are you crying"? As he tried to speak through the tears I could hear him say, "because I don't know what to do" which only made the entire dungeon bust up laughing. 

I smiled wide, and giggled as I said, "sweety, that's all I wanted. you may get up now". 

And that was the best mind fuck EVER!

(My slave and I 2007 at the Folsom Street Fair)

I remember when I first started out, I had tons of questions as well. That is part of why I love to answer others. I've been there. I know what it's like struggling for answers. Trying to find the right answers.

Let me start by saying, there are no wrong answer.... in theory.

Of course someone is going to be out to prove anything you say wrong. But for the most part, you do you boo. 

I received an email today from a fellow dominant asking about, "how am I able to be a good complete owner when your family is very against BDSM"?

By family, they meant siblings and parents. 

Here is my reply:

"Okay, so here's the scoop.

I will tell you this, I have friends who are very private around "vanilla's" that are in their lives, and I have friends that are completely open and honest with everyone in their life about who they are and what they are into.

I happen to be out to everyone except my father. And if he found out I wouldn't care. Even my kids have known their whole lives about my lifestyle and what I do. I just keep details from them. But they know about the lifestyle and the dynamics I have with my partners.

Side note:

(My kids even knew the difference between bisexuals and gays well enough to explain it to class mates at school when they were ten years old, because I am bisexual. To which, I received a phone call from the principle one day, thanking me for making sure my kids were informed enough that they were able to explain it to other students. But I will save that for another post)

But it is a choice you have to make for yourself. What does it mean to you? How much do you want others to know? And how much do you want to keep to yourself?

It comes down to what you are comfortable telling anyone. If you know they do not approve of your lifestyle, you do not need to talk to them about it. You do not need to do anything in front of them. If you have a partner that you want to bring around the "vanillas" in your life, the best thing to do is set up different protocols for when you are around "vanilla people" in your life.

Examples: Instead of your sub calling you "Sir" in front of them, try a pet name like "Hun", or "Babe", or anything you think would be a good fit. She can still respond to you correctly.... "yes, Hun" ... "right away, Hun" .... "what ever you want, Hun".... But it doesn't have to be obvious to others what is going on. To vanilla's it will like like she is a doting girlfriend.

* I like to call mine, "sweets" or "cookie". But like I said, I'm out to everyone in my life, so my submissives always call me Goddess regardless of who's around. It's only when we go around their vanilla families we have to act semi vanilla. When we are I allow them to call me by my name. 

Also, you can have her dress appropriately in front of them, have her sit next to you instead of on the floor.

Make sure to have these conversations with your submissives ahead of time. Don't drop it on them last minute. Give them time to practice different protocols out in public. Take them out to dinner and require them to use those protocols so they can get use to them. That way when you are around your family or "vanillas", things will come natural for the both of you. You can still have a complete D/s relationship and interact with "vanillas" without them knowing it.

Best of Luck to you,

AK~"

What I forgot to mention was collars, so they sent me another email asking about just that. 

Collars are what you make them to be. It can be a piece of string tied around your wrist, or a piece of jewelry. But most designers and stores are making them today because it's become a fashion fade for vanillas to wear them. But there are also some wonderful BDSM and community people who make some wonderful things, including collars. 

My favorite designer, and close friend of mine is Twisted Baby Girl. Feel free to check out her shop. She is an amazing person and just had her house burned down a couple of weeks ago due to a brush fire. And she lost everything. She is in the process of rebuilding but could use all the love you could give. If you send her an email, she can custom make something for you, it just might take awhile. Most of her collars come with matching earrings and key, and they are made by hand. 

https://www.alittletwisted.shop/

Thank you all for the love and support you give each other here. It's truly amazing to see!

This was inspired by PlusSzdPrincess’s blog post, “Saddened”.

Many believe because dominants are in control of the relationship, or are dominant at all, that We are less emotional, less weak.

This is a huge misconception! HUGE!

W/we are all Human. W/we all have insecurities about who W/we are and our dynamics. When I use “W/we”, I am referring to both Dominants and submissives.

As Doms We are just as much inside our heads wondering similar things that submissives do.

*Am I doing a good job with my partner?

*Am I meeting all their needs?

*Do they really feel that way about me, or are they putting on a façade?

*Do they really get pleasure from this or are they pacifying me?

*What do I do when I must punish them, and I do not know how to?

*Why did they flake on me?

*Am I ugly?

*Did I tell them too much or too little about myself?

*Are they afraid of commitment or just do not want to be with me?

Now, each of these questions come from a different situation, but they are genuine feelings that Dominants have. Most of which I am sure submissives have, or at least something similar to them only from the bottom outlook of it. But I bring this up because I see so many submissive support groups and completely love that they do that for each other.

BUT…. What most forget, or do not think about is that Dominants also need support. We need fellow Doms we can talk to and share information with and be able to rely on each other for support when We need it just as much as submissives do.

And this brings Me to My point, I want to reach out to all of You fellow Dominants to let You know I am here if You need someone to bounce ideas around with. I am here if You need a listening ear, someone You can confide in. Someone who will not shame You but to support You and understand the things you are going through because I have been there. We can support each other through good times as well as bad!

We don’t have to be competition for each other, We can be much more. We can be friends, allies, and support each other throughout Our journeys.

With all My love and support, don’t be shy. Reach out to Me anytime.

AK~

I feel like I have fallen into a void tonight. Earlier, when I should have been working on finals, everyone was wanting My attention. Now that I'm free everyone has disappeared. I'm only good for you when it's convenient for you??? This is not they way things work. The world has been twisted and turned inside out. I don't like it!

I just started finals this week. I only have one week left of school, but I'm SO NOT motivated to do any of the work I am behind in, let alone My finals. With everything finally starting to open back up, all I want to do is get the FUCK out of this house! I know many of you don't know Me well, but I am a VERY social person. I love meeting friends for lunch, or going to another friends for dinner and game night. I miss those poker nights. But most of all I miss My friends and being able to socialize!

I just found out the local dungeon is having a PARTY on the 3rd. *Does happy dance*!

Then remembers I still have a lot of school work to get finished in the next 8 days. :(

I have senioritis so bad! I just want to play! 

FYI-Rant.

I'm too old for this shit!

I'm too old school. I came into this lifestyle when I was 24 years old. There weren't very many who were around my age when I entered into the lifestyle. I had to jump through hoops and learn so much, and I had to show everyone my level of education way before I was ever accepted by others. These kids today (yes I call them kids because they are the same age as my kids). They come in jumping head first expecting acceptance and then going around trying to change others in the lifestyle that have been here for years. Telling U/us that we need to accept everyone for who and what they are.

Well guess what? NO! No, I don't. And I won't.

I will give you the chance to learn, I will let you be who you are. But I will never see you as equals until you jump through some of the hoops and prove you can handle yourself respectfully. RESPECTFULLY! Meaning, you need to respect those who have done the work and laid down all the ground work for you to be able to join the lifestyle and free yourselves from the oppression of "society".  

You think you know something because you have read or watched 50 shades of SHIT. NO! That's crap. I wont accept it. You need to put in the leg work and time it takes to know a thing or two before you can call yourself a Dominant or submissive. 

Figure out who you are! Figure out what the lifestyle is and what it has to offer! Figure out what you want out of the lifestyle! Figure out what the lifestyle means to you! And figure out what you want to get out of the lifestyle!

If you are not able to answer ALL of these questions, you are not ready! 

Do some research.

Ask some questions, ask LOTS of questions!

Find mentors, yes more than one!

Learn, soak up the knowledge of those who have been around awhile; absorb what we have to teach you!

Show us what you have learned, and be grateful for what we teach you.

End of rant. 

But really, I understand the frenzy of finding this lifestyle and the wonders it has to offer. We all go through that faze. They call it Dom/sub frenzy. We become kids in a candy store wanting to eat one of everything just to taste them. Trust me, I've been there. But please realize how dangerous this lifestyle can be. 

I'm an edge player. This means I enjoy doing all the dangerous things in the lifestyle forms of play. Knife play, breath play, hypnosis, blood play, sharps play. Sharps is anything that is pokey and can break the skin, knives, staples, needles, scalpels. As an edge player, I have taken the time to learn how to do all these things safely by researching and finding mentors who knew these things very well and were known for being safe about it. 

I am proud to say that I have only cut one person without meaning to, and that was because right after I told her not to move it's very sharp, she moved like an idiot. I immediately stopped and looked after her and the cut. She acted like it wasn't a big deal. I won't play with her again. 

You see, even though I love blood play, in order to enjoy it fully I have to knowingly and consciously make my submissive bleed for me. There has to be that deep D/s connection. And I require blood test from everyone I do blood play with before the play. I also make sure there is tarps or some kind of protection laid down on the floor or table where I play. I also make sure I have the correct lighting that is needed. I know my knives well enough that I have never cut someone with them other than that one girl. I don't use my knives for cutting, although I keep them sharp for the fear experience. I use my sharps for breaking skin. I use surgical instruments that are unopened before using them on someone. And I dispose of them correctly after the only one time use of them. But the biggest thing, is that I have to have that deep D/s connection with the person. Other wise it's meaningless. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE blood! It's my favorite thing! But I do it with a very select few. I could go into that more, but it would be a whole new post about blood, and I might just do that down the road. 

I had a dominant friend of mine go to a club with friends, and this dominant, played with someone they were friends with. The lighting was very bad at this place, and although they claimed to know their tools well enough, they cut the person badly with one small swipe with a knife that wasn't meant to be used for cutting. They had to leave in a hurry to get to a hospital. Which the club is in the city, over an hour from home, so they didn't know these doctors and were scared of what to tell them. Everything turned out okay, but it could have been much worse had these players not been responsible enough to go to the hospital. Everyone joked for weeks that I should have been there because of how much I love blood. I just shake my head because that wouldn't have gone well in front of me. I would have been pissed it happened, in fact, I was in many ways. 

The moral of this cautionary tail is that even those who think they know, don't always know. Take your time getting to know people before submitting to them. Watch how they play with others. Learn how safe they really are before you put your life in their hands. 

I have heard of and seen worse. More experiences to come later. 

If you're new to the lifestyle and looking to learn I suggest checking out the chat rooms and picking the brains of those who have been involved for over 30 years. A few of them hang out in chat a lot. They all have experiences that I'm sure they are willing to share. I've been in the lifestyle for 17 years now. I have taught online and in persons for 10 years now. Please feel free to ask me anything. One great resource is... 

http://bdsmwiki.info/Main_Page

Check out the entire site. Flip through the pages and pages of information they offer. But please keep in mind, that site is only written from the author's point of view. You should take everything with a grain of salt and learn what you want from things. Develop your own idea of what the lifestyle means to you and how your D/s relationships should work. I agree with a lot of what is on that site, but there are a few things that is just one sided. But keep that in mind about any information you get from others in the lifestyle. Many will state, "there's only one true way", but that's a load of crap. Everyone is vastly different and so is each relationship. So develop your own sense of submission or dominance. Take what you want from others and leave the rest. And remember, your kink doesn't have to be my kink, and my kink doesn't have to be your kink for us all to get along and respect each other. Oh, and take your time getting to know others before trying to turn it into a relationship. We are first all humans. Just because we are online, doesn't mean you should forget your manners. 

Goddess AK~

https://www.instagram.com/tv/CBf2FY9lgJH/?igshid=1xk47fxskditt

On thing I notice all the time with friends and others, is they often will date someone based off what they look like and the chemistry they have with that person over compatibility. I myself, have even done this in the past, but it's something I've been working on for the last five years. And in this lifestyle, I feel it's more important to be compatible than to have chemistry because chemistry can change over time. 

Please take the time to watch the video I put a link for in here, and take the words Jay speaks to heart. There is truth behind them!

1. I was a chef for ten years. 
2. I love caramel.
3. I don't really know my family background.
4. I want to know my family background.
5. I have to listen to very loud music when cleaning, or it won't be clean.
6. I don't know much of any thing.
7. I know a little of every thing.
8. I HATE the color pink.
9. I wear the color pink, only because friends have said I look good in it.
10. I collect hats.
11. I use to have over 100.
12. I can be smart.
13. But almost never show it.
14. I love water.
15. I am not afraid of death or dying.
16. I want to travel, but don't have the means to.
17. I love to dance.
18. I want to learn more.
19. I want to move.
20. I hate the country, but grew up in it.
21. I love the country for vacationing.
22. I hate the city because of traffic, but I love being there.
23. I HATE driving.
24. I love road trips.
25. I love to read.
26. But only fiction.
27. I live mostly in my own reality.
28. I don't spell very well.
29. I don't care.
30. But really I do.
31. I love to teach others anything I know about.
32. If I see some thing I like I will buy it or copy it.
33. I collect sunglasses but they always break, and I can never seem to find them.
34. I watch way too much t.v..

35. I am horny all the time.
36. It takes nothing at all to turn me on.
37. I can never get enough!!!!
38. The more I get, the more I want!!!!:D
39. I'm a dork.
40. I need attention.
41. I never get enough of it.
42. I'm a middle child. If you haven't guessed. :)
43. I am 41.
44. But act like I'm 60.
45. Some times 20.
46. If I had to pick an age to be forever, it would be 5. 😜 So, I never have any responsibilities. 
47. I trust everyone.
48. But doubt everything.
49. I DON'T like to share.
50. But will share everything.
51. I HATE to drive! Yes I said that twice.
52. I love Shakespeare!
53. I want to be Puck.
54. I often space.
55. No one likes that about me.
56. I don't care if they do.
57. I don't want everyone to like me.
58. I hate high heals.
59. I hate the way makeup fells.
60. I hate T.V., but will watch any thing just because.
61. I have never been out of the USA. 
62. I want to travel every where. 
63. I have twins.
64. I hate birthdays.
65. But love to give presents.
66. I like to shock people.
67. I love life.
68. But want to die.
69. is one of my favorite positions.
70. I love every position.
80. I don't ever want to be considered normal.
81. I wish I was born in a different time.
82. Many different times.
83. I think, but don't think at all.
84. I am NOT a morning person, but can be.
85. I have to always be doing something.
86. I hate talking on the phone, but do it all the time.
87. I do things, just to do them.
88. I will leave my phone at home.
89. Some times, just because.
90. Is any one still reading?
91. "All the world's a stage...." is my favorite quote.
92. It's by Shakespeare. :)
93. Nobody REALLY knows me.
94. Many think they do.
95. I hide from every one. Including myself.
96. I can never think of what to say, when I have lots to say about things.
97. I want to go skinny dipping.
98. I have live in CA my whole life.
99. I love nothingness, and every thing at the same time.
100. I want to desire someone as much as they desire me. 

Now tell me 100 things about you.