Want vs. Need
August 15, 2020
Lessons~
Today I was talking to Tara and Ashley about the difference between wants and needs. The bottom line is that the only needs are air, water, food, shelter, being loved, and being able to love others.
Needs are things you must have to live.
Wants are anything more than needs that you want in your life to make you happier or your life easier.
This conversation came about because I had an epiphany yesterday about my failed relationships. I realized that I never need a partner in my life. I have always been a strong, independent person and I have never needed someone in my life to make me feel whole. I believe this to be healthy and what I have always wanted for myself. I do not need anyone, but I want someone. I want a partner in my life. I want a submissive who knows their place and is willing to fulfill my wants and desires.
Now, here is the issue, most men and some women want to feel needed in a relationship of any kind. It makes them feel fulfilled to be needed. What they should be striving for is to be wanted. However, many people view “want” as something that can go away. A feeling that once the person has them, they no long will want them any more. But, for me, when I want something, I want to keep it forever once I have it. I treasure my things, whether they are items of value only to me, friends that are in my life, or submissives I have chosen. I want them. I want to keep them. They all hold great value to me.
I can understand the fear of being no longer wanted. Sometimes we no long want the amazing shoes we once were able to fit into, or the cool scarf that went with two outfits a year ago, or the exercise bike we thought we would someday use but never did. But the people in my life mean more to me than items we grow out of. Though sometimes, we do outgrow each other by growing in different directions. This is why communication is so important.
First, make sure you are aware of the difference between wants and needs. I may need food, but I want ice cream. I may need something to drink, but I want iced tea. Be aware that when you are in service to a dominant, that dominant may not need you, but they want you. You may not want to clean the house, but you need to do so. The house needs to be cleaned. I want “you” to clean it. I do not need “you” to do it. Be aware of it when you are dominating someone. They need to be loved and cared for. They want to be cared and loved by you.
Secondly, know your wants verses your needs, so when you are negotiating with a potential partner you should bring up your needs and wants. And clarify them with each other, so you know where each other is coming from.
Finally, be aware while in the D/s dynamic or with your partner which is being fulfilled by your partner and what you are fulfilling for them. Talk about these things on a regular basis.
I do not need you; I want you!
