Kissing Tears

This is a list of some of the questions I put on my submissive application for those who are wanting to apply. And I say some of the questions, because I will often add to these depending on the submissive after I first get to know them. 

Feel free to copy any of them and use them if you would like to. 

submissive Application Questions

1. What does the lifestyle mean to you?

2. What does submission mean to you?

3. What kind of submissive are you?

4. What do you want out of the lifestyle?

5. Do you attend any munches or local events?

6. Are you part of the BDSM community?

7. What are you looking for in a D/s dynamic?

8. What do you have to offer a D/s relationship?

9. What are your needs in a D/s dynamic and relationship?

10. What are your needs in the BDSM lifestyle and vanilla?

11. Hard limits? Soft limits? Medical conditions?

12. Wants vs. Needs?

13. Who are you?

14. What are you looking for in life?

15. What are your goals, hopes and dreams?

16. What is your plan on how to achieve those?

17. Where do you see yourself in 10, 20 years from now?

Want vs. Need

August 15, 2020

Lessons~

            Today I was talking to Tara and Ashley about the difference between wants and needs. The bottom line is that the only needs are air, water, food, shelter, being loved, and being able to love others.

            Needs are things you must have to live.

            Wants are anything more than needs that you want in your life to make you happier or your life easier.  

            This conversation came about because I had an epiphany yesterday about my failed relationships. I realized that I never need a partner in my life. I have always been a strong, independent person and I have never needed someone in my life to make me feel whole. I believe this to be healthy and what I have always wanted for myself. I do not need anyone, but I want someone. I want a partner in my life. I want a submissive who knows their place and is willing to fulfill my wants and desires.

           Now, here is the issue, most men and some women want to feel needed in a relationship of any kind. It makes them feel fulfilled to be needed. What they should be striving for is to be wanted. However, many people view “want” as something that can go away. A feeling that once the person has them, they no long will want them any more. But, for me, when I want something, I want to keep it forever once I have it. I treasure my things, whether they are items of value only to me, friends that are in my life, or submissives I have chosen. I want them. I want to keep them. They all hold great value to me.

           I can understand the fear of being no longer wanted. Sometimes we no long want the amazing shoes we once were able to fit into, or the cool scarf that went with two outfits a year ago, or the exercise bike we thought we would someday use but never did. But the people in my life mean more to me than items we grow out of. Though sometimes, we do outgrow each other by growing in different directions. This is why communication is so important.

           First, make sure you are aware of the difference between wants and needs. I may need food, but I want ice cream. I may need something to drink, but I want iced tea. Be aware that when you are in service to a dominant, that dominant may not need you, but they want you. You may not want to clean the house, but you need to do so. The house needs to be cleaned. I want “you” to clean it. I do not need “you” to do it. Be aware of it when you are dominating someone. They need to be loved and cared for. They want to be cared and loved by you.

           Secondly, know your wants verses your needs, so when you are negotiating with a potential partner you should bring up your needs and wants. And clarify them with each other, so you know where each other is coming from.  

           Finally, be aware while in the D/s dynamic or with your partner which is being fulfilled by your partner and what you are fulfilling for them. Talk about these things on a regular basis.

I do not need you; I want you!

Collaring

Ceremony at the

House of Tanglewood

For the

H.o.T. bitch

~ashley~
 
 
 
Took place @ 8:00pm

August 8th, 2020

Location: House of Tanglewood

Vacaville, ca
 
Dungeon fun to follow the ceremony
 

The Evening Events

7:30 pm Welcoming – Greeting the house Dommes and welcoming guest.

8:00pm Dinner – Green Goddess Enchiladas, Submissive Spanish Rice, and Green Salad. 

9:00 pm Collaring Ceremony
 9:30 pm Desserts and Fun

Ceremony Participants

Officiant – Zoey

HoT Owner – Tara Tanglewood

HoT Domme – Aphrodites Kiss

HoT Slave – Marissa

Domme Trainee – Dream Vixen
HoT Bitch - Ashley

HoT Quote

Pain is Necessary,
Suffering is Optional!

~  The HOUSE PLEDGE  ~

The house promises to always protect you,

from yourself and others.

To always love you for the unique individual that you are.

To always cherish you,

as the beautiful submissive you are and what you have to offer.

To guide and nurture you,

and help you to fulfill your full potential.

To teach you and train you in the ways of High Protocol in the BDSM Lifestyle while you are part of this house. 

Ashley’s Collaring Ceremony

~ Goddess Tara ~

This collar is a symbol of the commitment that the House of Tanglewood and I make to you. It is a circle and never ending as a symbol of my dominance over you.  As the owner of House of Tanglewood, with this collar I promise to always protect, love, cherish, guide and nurture you, to train and teach you and discipline you as needed.  Do you accept this collar of owner ship and my dominance over you as a symbol of service and becoming the house bitch in the House of Tanglewood?

~ HoT bitch ~

Yes, Goddess Tara, in love, service and devotion, I accept this collar of ownership to the House of Tanglewood and to you as the owner of House of Tanglewood.

~ Goddess AK ~

This lock is a symbol of the commitment that the House of Tanglewood and I make to you. It is a lock that once it is closed cannot be removed by anyone other than a House Domme. As the House Domme, I promise to always protect, love, cherish, guide and nurture you, to train and teach you, and to discipline you as needed. Do you accept this lock as a symbol of forever serving and belonging to the House of Tanglewood?

~ HoT bitch ~

Yes, Goddess AK, in love, service and devotion I accept this lock of ownership to the House of Tanglewood and to you as a House Domme.

HoT Motto

Service before self; mind, body, and soul.

After The Ceremony... 

Torture commenced and fun was had by all! It was an amazing night and one I was honored to be apart of!

BRAGGART: Someone who brags every chance they get. Sometimes it's about famous people they have met, other times it is about things they can do that people normally can't do, or anything they feel would impress them. They will brag about these things to other people like friends, family, and new people they meet. Even new Dominants they are trying to get to know.  

The dictionary defines braggart as: "a person who boasts about achievements or possessions".

Most of the time braggarts brag about things to people they are talking to, and those people do not care about any of it. Recently, I have come across a few submissives like this in person and online. They will brag about things they think they can do, or silly things like who they know, money, or even things that are so outrageous there's no way I believe what they are saying. Non of those things matter to ME. Non of those things are going to matter to any Domme you talk to. 

When you boast about people or things that are not the Dominant you serve, or anything having to do with Them, you are basically telling that Dominant that those things are more important, more impressive, and that you care more about those superficial things more then the Dominant in your life. 

D/s dynamics is about submissives showing the Dominant they are the most important thing in their life, and the Dominants cherishing the submission the sub is offering. Yes, it is about the power exchange. You can't have an exchange if only one person is doing their part in the relationship. A submissives focus should be on the Dominant. The Dominant will focus their energy on their submissive when all their needs are being fulfilled. So, stop bragging and put your energy where it should go, into submission. Those other things, do not matter!

Shania twain says it best, so I will let her tell you!

Warning* Please remember I am a High Protocol Domme, and the way I treat my submissives or slaves is going to be different than the way others will handle theirs. 

Background: My sex slave is just that. When I am in need of sex or pleasure in this way I let him know I am on my way over. We have been together since 2007. We are more friends than anything, but our dynamic has never changed. I am always the one in charge and he always does as he is told. Following orders isn't an option, it's simply what you do or you are no longer mine, and he's really good at following orders. I have never had an issue with him. We have had some amazing sex over the years. When I think about things to masturbate to, more often than not, it's always something I've done with him. He is a super private person, so we have never done anything in public before. It is the number one thing that scares him most because he is an excessive of a corporation and fears being exposed and fired. 

Thursday Night: Thursday he text me that he would be driving through town on his way home from a meeting, and asked if I would like to join him for lunch. Of course, I was delighted. It has been awhile since I've seen him because of the lock downs and the world ENDING. *joking not joking*

He told me how long it was going to be before he would arrive, so I showered and got ready. When he arrived, we went to one of the only places doing out door seating right now, and one of my favorite places to eat. We ordered drinks, I had a salad he had a side of bacon. This is kind of his norm when he drinks he eats only bacon so that he maintains. Besides he was technically still working. Which he did take two business calls during lunch, and we bantered in between the calls. Then we started negotiations. Because we were in a public vanilla place, we did all this in code. You know like, I referred to him an independent contractor and I was the corporation offering him a full time position. We went back and forth like that for a few hours between calls and more drinks, and of course he kept ordering more sides of bacon. *Side note (If you have never tried fresh bacon when you are drinking, I highly recommend doing so). 

While we were sitting there I got a text from a close friend of mine who is a submissive going through a really tough time right now. Her husband left her for her best friend, and then a couple of weeks after that happened her house burned down. She text asking for company. I let her know I had a slave with me. She said she didn't mind if I brought him a long, so I did. 

By the time we gotten there it had started to get dark. We had a very long lunch date, and now it was rolling over into a dinner thing at a friends house. When we arrived at her place, we got out of the car and started kissing and making out in the driveway before heading in. As we walked up to the door just past my friends car, we noticed the neighbor as he and two of his friends said hello. I smiled, and said hello back as my slave turned beet red. 

My friend has two dogs, a small little dog and a giant husky. As we made our way past them into the house without letting the dogs escape, I greeted my friends and made introductions. There was another friend of mine already there, Lady DVon Raven. A female dominant who I've been friends with close to 8 years now. We sat down, me in the nice big comfy chair, and him at my feet where he belonged on the floor. The ladies and I chatted catching up with each other, and I asked if there was anything new. The submissive female, replied with pointing a finger towards the big box next to the front door saying, "oh, my new bike came in today, but it needs to be put together". I turned to my slave and said hop to it. Go build the bike. 

He did as he was told and put the bike together. As a reward, I let him kiss, lick and suck on my toes and feet. I love foot worship. Just before we left, I took him in to one of the guest rooms and made him eat me out. I dropped my pants, laid on the bed and told him to get on his knees and please me. He obeyed, and as he was down there licking me so well, I wrapped my legs around his head and held him there shoving him deeper with my hands, so he couldn't breath as I told him to keep going. When I finally came, I pushed him away, and told him he wasn't allowed to clean his face the rest of the night. 

We said our good byes and headed out to the car. As he drove me home, he told me all the things he enjoyed, and asked if I knew that he liked those things. I chuckled wickedly and replied, "of course. I know you better than you think. We've been together since 2007, you think by now I don't know you or what you like? Silly boy". As he dropped me off, I told him he was to play with himself when he got home but isn't allowed to cum tonight. 

Oh the fun life I live! I wouldn't change it for the world! 

Lunch- Bud-light for him with bacon, and raspberry  lemon drops for myself. 

Foot worship for reward, where every good submissive belongs :D 

The best form of meditation and relaxation for myself is painting. I started painting the year my mother passed away.

I watch a lot of YouTube tutorials with step by step instructions. Sometimes I will venture out and do an original painting. But this is one I followed Micheal the painter on YouTube to do. I changed it by putting it on two canvases so it can be split to hang up. 

I get asked a lot about how I picked my scene name, AphroditesKiss, so here is the history of how I picked it and why. 

I have always known the BDSM Lifestyle existed since I was ten years old and saw, "Exit to Eden", I just wasn't sure how to find it. When I saw the movie at such a young age, I knew then I would be a Domme someday. But it wasn't until years later that I actually would find the lifestyle by tripping over a BDSM website while looking for good porn. Hot Damn, I found it! 

I started reading everything. The blogs, the magazine, the forums and chatting in the chat room with everyone. I googled and searched things to understand more about things I have never heard about before. I asked so many questions, and I asked them to multiple people to get different perspectives. Everything I read and learned just confirmed what I already knew, I am dominant. 

Time came to pick my scene name so I could start moving forward with things. Knowing I wanted to be addressed as Goddess by my future submissives, I researched all the different Goddesses in a few different cultures. Aphrodite was the first to catch my eye. I have always felt a deep connection with her, but wanting to make sure I picked the one that matched my personality and who I am as a dominant, I kept looking. Sure enough after two weeks, I had to circle back to Aphrodite. I have always embodied her essence. Her sexuality, loving and caring nature. I have her wicked tempter with the capability to hold a grudge. And I have the ability to draw people to me and make them fall in love with me without even trying. I tried Aphrodite, but of course the name was taken. When I really thought about it, I wanted to change it or add to it because I was more than just her, I am me as well. I love to kiss and bite, and I love being kissed. So, Kiss was added to the name. 

Next I took my time getting to know people that have been in the lifestyle for more than 20 years, and found mentors to teach me everything I wanted to know and learn. I had those that were experienced in impact play, single tails, flogging, enigmas and anal play, needles, and domination in general. Through theses friendships, and mentor-ships,  I developed my domination skills. I then dove deeper into high protocol through the Gorean lifestyle. Even though they believe all women to be under or submissive to men, I do not adhere to their beliefs, but I did take a lot from their protocols and turned them into mine. I worked on self training with experienced submissives privately in person and online. I developed a code for myself. I set boundaries I never want to cross, morals I never want to brake, and standards for the people I will allow into my life. I developed my style of domination and protocols. 

You see, to me, being a Goddess is more than being worshiped, adored and serviced. I have a duty to my submissives to help them become the best person they can be. The best human for themselves before ever considering what they can do for me. If they do not know who they are, what they want in life or in the lifestyle, or don't know where they want to go in life; if they don't know what morals they should have and abide by, then how could they ever give themselves to another. Training is a long processes. The first part being self-discovery. This part allows both the sub and myself to get to know each other on a deeper level than just D/s. I want to know your most inner thoughts, hopes and dreams. I want to know what makes you tick, what makes you sad, what makes you angry and what makes you laugh. And you do not want the same from me, then I will discover quickly we are not a good match. 

Play time comes later. Yes, I start with a tasting. This normally happens still in the beginning stages of getting to know each other, maybe after I put you under consideration. Learning your body at the same time I am learning your mind is most helpful. Body language is key to understanding each other. But I'm getting off topic. 

That is how I picked my name and why. I also added a bit about my domination style. But just the tip. 😉 LOL Hopefully this sheds some light for some of you. 

Me at the Power Exchange in SF, CA 2007

Fucking stupid so called submissives! 

How can you even call yourself a sub if you contact a Domme and ask to be one of theirs and they turn you down, but you come back to explain that the reasons they give you are wrong?

WHAT THE FUCK? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? GO FUCK YOURSELF?

Look, I am normally a very patient person with idiots. BUT COME ON!

I told you NO in a one word email. you came back with why? please at least explain. So, I go out of MY way to write you a DETAILED email explaining every little reason to you. And YOU have the nerve to tell ME that MY reasons are WRONG??? 

GO FUCK YOURSELF! YOU HAVE NO CLUE WHAT IT IS TO BE A SUBMISSIVE! FUCK OFF AND DIE FOR ALL I CARE AT THIS MOMENT! STOP WASTING MY TIME!

This one clearly hit a never. Or maybe it's just one of those days you shouldn't fuck with ME. I don't know. I have just had enough in this moment to deal with such audacity from an ass hat! 

*Deep breaths, write some more and get it out of your system.

HOW DO THESE PEOPLE EXIST? 

If you clearly don't know something, go FUCKING LEARN IT!  

I told you that I only have one title, GODDESS! And yet you continue to address Me as Mistress. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

you say it's a sign of respect, and you don't use MY actual title due to religious reasons.... 

WELL GUESS FUCKING WHAT! THEN YOU CAN'T BE MINE! NOW FUCK OFF!

RESPECT ..... if you were actually respecting Me you would STOP emailing and begging ME to understand your side of things! 

I DON'T FUCKING CARE ABOUT YOUR SIDE OF THINGS! 

YOU ARE NOT WORTHY OF MY TIME!

FUCK OFF! 

*Warning: Please remember who is posting this. I am a High Protocol Goddess. My style and protocols may not fit yours and we may differ in how we do things. So, do not post negative judgmentally comments on how I treat my submissives, and I wont have to respond by putting you in your place.

*chuckles wickedly.

Soooooo, today I was chatting with an submissive I have been playing with online and trained years ago.

I like to keep in contact with all those I have trained at one time or another. I keep tabs on them, make sure they are continuing with training and I love to hear about any and all relationships they go through. It's rewarding to know I have done something and made an impact on their lives. 

Any how, this is one of my Spanish boys who lives in Spain. he's so adorable and very submissive. I haven't talked much with him in the last couple of years due to concentrating on college for myself, (Self education is just as important). So, we started chatting on skype again a couple of weeks ago. He smothers me with love and affection, reminding me why I love him so much. And starts filling me in on his life and what's been going on since we last spoke. He even started sending me video's again of him doing all the submissive things I have taught him and he has kept up on, (I won't give details because those are trade secrets). ;) 

As we were talking this morning, we turned the subject to the political climate of today and what is going on in the world since we live in different countries. I find it interesting to talk about more than just lifestyle things with my subbies, (and I will call them mine even when I down own them because I have trained them). So, he made a comment about those who are refusing to wear mask, and I replied with, "you are always going to have rebellious ass hats that don't know shit running around stirring more shit up than they should". 

Now, for those that don't know me and don't know much about High Protocols, there is a proper way to speak to and respond to dominants no matter how or what they say. As long as you are respectful in how you respond and remember your place in how you do so, there shouldn't be a problem. And one of the first thing I do with boys I train, is go over the proper language of High Protocol. It takes time to learn if you are not naturally inclined to do so. 

SOooooo...... his response to me: "Correct...". 

A simple one word response and full sentence. Most would think nothing of this. And it seems harmless. BUT... in HP this simple comment means so much and is the WRONG way to answer ME!

What followed: 

Me: "correct"? I don't need you to justify that I am right, I know I am always right!

him: You are Goddess ! My apologies.

Me: seems it's been too long, you are forgetting your place. 

him: Please excuse this bitchboy if you found his answer ungentle or inappropriate 😣 

Me: It's fine, just remember your place. 

him: My apologies Goddess, wont forget that! I hate disappointing you Goddess 😣.. I’ll remember my place on the future. 

Me: I know you wont repeat this mistake any time soon because you don't enjoy punishments. 

You see, I have done some really evil things to subbies for punishments, even online. Punishments are not something they should ever seek out. They are meant to teach a lesson, not for fun or games. There is a huge difference between Funishments and Punishments. And in HP we don't do Funishments. There is rewards, and there are punishments. So the moral of this is....... 

Remember your place! 

(Yes, these are MY feet. I was finally able to go get a pedicure today. First one since February). 

I wanted to explain a little more about mind fucks. Yes, I broke my slave down and made him so confused he didn't know what to do, but after, which I didn't mention in the post is, that he knew after what I had done and why.

Submissives like everyone, get stressed out in their everyday lives. By breaking them down and then taking care of them after, cuddles lots of love and time together, they learn they don't have to stress when they are mine. I will let them be carefree, fun loving, enjoying life submissives. I'm there to listen to their problems and help them through them. And when they need a break and to escape reality, I take them to subspace. 

Mind fucks is a way to de-stress the mind. To reset it. And it's fun.

The mind fuck I wrote about is only one way to do a mind fuck. There are lots of different types of mind fucks. There's also Fear play. Where the Dom makes you think or believe one thing like they are going to cut you, or something that you are really scared of, then they do something else. Something totally different like tickle you.

It comes down to making a submissive believe one thing is going to happen and then do something different. That's the basics of a mind fuck. This confuses the mind, causing it to 

But I want to be very clear, my slave enjoyed it, he loved it. And there's a difference between a mind Fuck and abuse. Mind fucks are something the dominant should discuss with their partner after it's over too explain what just happened. They have the responsibility to make sure the submissive is put back together after it's over. If they don't do those two things, it's abuse.

After care is SO important! And even MORE so when you do a mind fuck because with a mind fuck you are breaking them, tarring them down. YOU HAVE to build them back up and comfort them. Make them feel loved! Reassure them that you will always be there. Without the after care, you will loose trust, respect and the connection that could have been made stronger by doing the mind fucked, and you would have wasted a valuable opportunity to grow closer with your submissive. 

If you do not know how to properly take care of your submissive after doing ANYTHING to them, do NOT do it to them!

Do NOT do mind fucks if you do not know your sub very well or not for long! This is something I will stress over and over again. DON'T fucking do something if you don't know what you are getting into! And if you think you do know, make sure you have someone there that is experienced in what ever it is you are going to try for the first time. 

I have never done anything dangerous alone for the first time. Mentors are necessary if you want to be a good or even great dominant.  Having mentors is not taking away your power or there to undermine you. They are there to help you learn, grown and to support you when you need it as a Dominant. 

So please remember Mentors and After care are VERY important! 

If anyone has any further questions, please reach out and email me. 

AK~

(This is a photo of my pet and I doing after care at PE

in SF during 2008 after a very intense scene we did).