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Arach

The Eroticist

I have written a blog on line for many years on my own site which can not be mentioned here. It is currently going through housekeeping with a new Theme, but it is still available for viewing. If you are interested please send me a message here.

As an introduction, I thought, over the next few days I might port over some of my earlier posts from my main. When I do get inspired to add a new one, I will probably post there and copy here. Please feel free to comment.

Negotiations

1 year ago. June 17, 2023 at 9:09 PM

I am trying to develop a class on Negotiations. I have seen that most classes in kink conventions center on particular forms of play rather than the necessary but possibly boring negotiations beforhand. But they are an absolute Necessity.

This may seem repetitive and redundant. I tried to include suggestions that point in all possible directions, but I come from a background of being a CisMale Heterosexual Dominant Daddy type, so I am sure I missed much. Just because I mention something does NOT mean it is required, but it should be discussed. Any and all suggestions are requested and welcome. I mean that seriously. Please let me know you have ideas in a Direct Message and I will pass

There has been some difficulty in posting it here. It was written as an outline but gets pasted here as a simple one column list of all items which is totally confusing. I originally attempted to show a link to where it is posted on my original blog, but that is on a different site and posting that link is against THECAGE policy. Also I asked for feedback to be sent directly to me, and that is also against THECAGE policy. SO, if anyone wants to read it and send me some feedback, you can give me a Direct Message here, and I can then send you the link and my address for feedback.

In the many conventions I have attended, the primary classes offered have covered details on the active things we do. I have done demos on whips, floggers, spanking, and many different forms of corporal activity. But rarely have I seen a demo on how to negotiate the beginnings of a relationship or play date between two people on first meeting. I think that is a worthy area of study. I am not saying I am an expert, but I want to bring it forward for examination.

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B L O N D I E(sub female) - It seems like, instead of teaching negotiation, you would simply need to teach basic effective communication skills. For that, both parties need to have a certain level.of self-possession, confidence, and maturity that can't be taught in a class. If two people have the maturity and internal stability to communicate effectively, then they don't need a.class to teach them the kind of open communication they would need to negotiate any BDDM activity or relationship. If they don't have that maturity and self-possession, then a class wouldn't be able to cover that. Apart from going over a detailed kink list and discussing the actual kinks that are allowed vs. not allowed, the subject of effective communication seems way too vast to cover in a class.

As I was writing this, I remembered the concept of transactional analysis which is a very simple and easily taught form of effective communication. It was covered well in the book, I'm Okay,You’re Okay. That could be a good starting point for teaching people the mindset they need to be in before they enter any negotiation. This would apply to negotiation and communication both before the interaction starts as well as long after a relationship is underway. Just a thought.

1 year ago

Arach - I thank you. Wise and cogent comment there. I will try to add it in my comments about and in the class. Might you have any other recommendations for good books?

I agree that communication is important throughout a relationship. But I think there might be areas to be introduced for people beginning. My main intention is to have some level of concentration on communication and introspection rather than just a collection of presentations on "How to [whatever] safely."

If you are interested in seeing my outline, please DM me.

1 year ago

B L O N D I E(sub female) - The only thing that comes to mind is communication within the scene/relationship. Some people might not want their partner to use degrading language while another might specifically want that.

Also to include certain ongoing communication in scene such as, "Do.you want that? Do you like that?" Or making the sub beg for something so the dominant understands that the activity really is wanted. I would also include other stop signals beyond the safe word such as double taps and finger snapping to call a stop in case the sub is bound and gagged.

Also perhaps include something about nonverbal communication in scene such as, if the Dom asks, "Do you like that?" and the sub hesitates for a split second. This could be a sign that they don't like it and just don't feel comfortable saying so. Or, if the sub says yes or begs in a very flat, obedient tone, it could indicate that they're only complying with an order rather than that they really do like it. The dominant needs to be aware of nonverbal communication as well to give a indication of the submissive's reactions. This is just what leaps to mind at the moment. Like I said, it's a huge subject and could cover quite a bit of real estate.

1 year ago

Arach - Thank you.

1 year ago

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