Let's Talk About Ageplay

If you haven't heard of littles and ageplay before, you probably will soon! While the kink has existed out the outskirts of the general BDSM community for a long, long time, everything about ageplay (and its corresponding kinks) has slowly been coming into the mainstream.

That popularity has even been slowly coming into the non-kink world too! Just look at the popularity of adult coloring books - and the opening of a few adult daycare facilities.

As the acceptance for a simpler headspace has expanded, the visibility of ageplayers in kink communities has expanded now too. Most large kink conventions now have a separate space for ageplayers which usually include toys, coloring books, and games - which feel like a separate universe from the spreader bars and whips that might be in the room next door. The ageplaying kink is even popular enough to warrant their own hotel takeover events completely separate from kinksters!

So, if you haven't heard about ageplay and littles yet, you will be soon! When you do, have a bit of info under your belt by reading this article.

What Types of Ageplay Kinks Are There?

Just like any other types of kink out there, you can "divide" ageplay kinksters into various groups based upon their favorite and preferred aspects of ageplay. While quite a few people are mixtures of multiple areas, some of the basic groups and terms are:

Littles: These are the people who regress to a more childlike state. The exact "age" of a person's regression can vary from person to person. Some people enjoy roleplaying as an infant whose only job is lay back, be read to, and bed fed. Others will enjoy taking on the role of a pre-teen who gets to play video games and actively entertain themselves - but also brattily flaunts authority.

The "depth" of the headspace can really vary from person-to-person and how long the person is allowed to play their role. For example, some Littles just really enjoy letting go of everyday adult life, and they enjoy roleplaying the identity of a younger self who had more freedom. For others, especially with enough time and immersion, people can go deep into the headspace (almost like a hypnotic state!) to a point where they'll be unable to make decisions like an adult and should be, all things considered, thought of as the age they have regressed to until they've been slowly brought out of their headspace.

Middles: Think of this like a "Little" - but someone who exclusively wants to regress into the pre-teens and early teen range. Think lots of video games, junk food, sleepovers, and games. This group wanted a separate term to distinguish their specific regression needs – which didn't include bottles, pacifiers, and onesies.

Mommies/Daddies: These are people who take care of others. These terms can imply commitment, and they may be used within a relationship to denote a specific caretaker role to a specific Little. ("I'm his Daddy".) As the terms also have a nurturing, stable feel to them, some people choose to identify as a Mommy or Daddy even without a specific Little to take care of.

Caregivers/Bigs: Different than a Mommy or Daddy, a Caregiver or Big implies a role without implying ownership or partnership. Since "Mommy" or "Daddy" tends to be a term that implies commitment, some people prefer Caregiver or Bigs - especially in more casual dynamics. Caregiver or Big can often be used by Littles who are doing a favor to other Littles by acting in the dominant role and caregiving for their friends. Caregiver/Bigs may also be used by some couples who dislike the incestual tones that Mommy/Daddy can imply.

Daddy Dom / Little Girl: While not always, DD/lg in kink tends to differ from ageplay and Littles in the fact that it's usually sexual - and the Little Girl may never enter a childlike headspace. Instead, Little Girls within this dynamic tend to enjoy the playful, back-and-forth “bratting” banter with their partner - as well as a lot of the dress-up aspects (like pastels, onesies, pigtails, etc.) of the ageplay community. DD/lg tends to be primarily found in heterosexual couplings.

Mommy Dom / Little Boy: Less common by a large margin than DD/lg, MD/lb exists as well. As these relationships are much rarer to see, they don't tend to fall under some of the stereotype changes that have happened with DD/lg. There is a large subset within the Gentle Femdom fetish community who prefer this dominance style.

Diaper Lovers: Diaper lovers are kinksters who love the feeling of diapers; think of them like panty fetishists - only it's a diaper instead. Some people get off on wearing diapers themselves and others like to see others wear them. Since the focus is the diaper itself, most diaper lovers have little interest in any roleplay or headspace shifts. They just want to wear their diapers and have a good time. People in this group (unfortunately) get the outskirts of both worlds. Most kinkster consider people who wear diapers to be part of the ageplay group, but ageplayers consider most diaper lovers to be outside of their sphere too.

ABDL: (Adult Baby/Diaper Lover): This is the blanket umbrella term that's used for all of the ageplay community. Like the term BDSM, the term is so generic that it doesn't really narrow down much about your interests or what you're into. However, the term is still very widely used by most ageplayers or diaper lovers to denote their kinks. If someone says they're into ABDL, definitely do more negotiation to figure out where they really find their enjoyment in this subset of kinks. Age Play Has NOTHING To Do With Biological Children

This always, always, always comes up when people are first discovering the ageplay kink exists: no part of ageplay has anything to do with biological children. Nothing. It's all an elaborate roleplay or headspace that's about teleporting the participants into past (adult regressing into a childlike space) or future (adult progressing into a caregiver) headspaces.

Just like "Master and Slave" isn't actually about non-consensually owning another person. It's all a giant world of play pretend.

It's all a fantasy and a roleplay designed to give people safe spaces to explore their kinks, needs, and other aspects about themselves.

I've Heard that Ageplay Isn't Sexual. What's Up with That?

Just like any kink in the universe, everyone experiences their "kink" differently. For some, their "kink" might not be sexual at all.

For example, for some people into rope bondage, there is no arousal that comes from being in or doing rope bondage. For the rigger, they might view rope bondage as a mental challenge where they derive their satisfaction from "solving" their puzzle. Think of it like an artist with their craft. For the person bound in rope, they might enjoy the feelings of tightness and security - which can feel grounding and safe. Neither party may experience any sort of arousal when they're doing their "kink".

The same can be said for ageplay. Quite a few Littles find their ageplay headspace to be entirely non-sexual and non-arousing. It's more like a meditative space where they can retreat from the difficult tasks required of an "adult" - and get back to a simpler mindset where they can feel loved, cared for, and entirely worry-free. Sex doesn't have to factor into that at all!

Caregivers might have the same opinion. When some caregivers get into a nurturing space, arousal is the last thing on their minds. Instead, they're focused on their partner, ensuring they have a great time, and generally "babying" their charge - like making dinners, facilitating play, and more.

For a lot of people who find this kink to be non-sexual, their ageplay role may be something they consider part of their identity or hobbies. Think of it like anything else that you do to relax or do some mental self-care for yourself.

But Some People Find It Sexual?

Of course, some people find the freedom and the lack of responsibilities of these headspaces to make way for arousal too. Feeling free to explore these "swept under the rug" roles and urges can lead to a deep, deep feeling of intimacy. Myself included, it can be hot to "be yourself" - and find that your partner still loves and cares for you all the same.

You can't forget about the "taboo" aspect of it all, either. Like a lot of other popular kinks that turn people on because they're "wrong", ageplay has a lot of taboo aspects behind it. This can turn an innocent act into something that feels naughty and sexual - just because you don't think you should find it naughty or sexual.

It's worth noting that a lot of people who do sexual ageplay may play more on the roleplaying spectrum than the deep, hypnotic headspace spectrum. Just like you can roleplay a Doctor/Patient scenario, you can roleplay ageplay roles - and have a lot of fun with it.

Plus, c'mon, most of us kinksters can understand how a spanking can feel erotic and arousing, and spanking roleplay can be a huge part of a lot of sexual ageplayers playbook.

There's nothing wrong with either way of doing ageplay, but it's important to negotiate ahead of time to ensure everyone is on the same page once deep headspaces make the ability to consent a problem.

Easily Try Out Some Ageplay

Honestly, most of us are into facets of ageplay in some way or another. Who doesn't like being cared for? Even I, as the Dommeliest Domme who ever Dommed, will melt into my partner's arms if they're taking care of me when I'm feeling crummy.

However, most people into ageplay generally have fantasies that go beyond that - into feeling completely reliant or at the mercy of their partner. But it's all a lovely spectrum. If you and yours only want to experiment with certain activities with a caregiving slant, have at it!

Some easy ways to try out the caretaking dynamic while in a couple:

• Make "child-like" foods together. Playfully refuse to let the Little help out with anything "dangerous" like the oven, knives, etc. There are SO many child-friendly foods out there to choose from all the way from full meal prep to dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets.
• When you eat that dinner, insist the Little eat all of their vegetables before they're allowed to leave the table. Use bondage to ensure that happens, if you want.
• If it's snowing outside, put on mittens and go build a snowman! Baby your Little with lots of baby talk and let them pick out the eyes/nose/mouth of the snowman too.
• If it's warm outside, consider bubbles or sidewalk chalk instead. Blow the bubbles and let the Little try to pop them - or lay back on a lawn chair and give your Little directions as you enjoy watching them play.
• Come up with a supervised bedtime routine. This could include helping your partner brush their teeth, supervising any handwashing, tucking them in at night, setting up a nightlight, helping them get changed into pajamas, and more.

Some easy ways to explore Littlespace while single or solo:

• Make those same child-like foods - only make them yourself! Surprisingly enough, just making and eating those made-for-kits meals can feel pretty childlike on its own. Put on fun music and have a great time with it - and leave all of the mess for "adult" you to clean up later.
• If it's snowing, go outside and make a snowman. Better yet, make it a full igloo! Instead of focusing on perfection, focus on fun - and have everything ready for hot cocoa when you go back inside.
• If it's nice and summer-y out, get a bubble blowing machine. Let this bubble blower provide bubbles while you try to pop them all. Or get everything you need to try to make those giant, giant human-sized bubbles and see how you fare!
• Make yourself a bedtime routine - then follow it. Don't just include the standard stuff. Find a cell phone app that makes tooth brushing fun - or get a musical toothbrush. Set out your stuffed animals to sleep with at night. Use your fingers to doodle-on designs while applying lotion at night. Change into the cutest, most-Little pajamas out there for sleep.
• Take a nap. Really, that's it. Naps are so luxuriously childlike.
• If you do something wrong, consider corner time for yourself. No, you won't like it, but if you stick to it, it can feel very punishing - and still give you time to figure out what went wrong.