Is what I'm doing Fair?

Zaramia​(dom female) • Jan 28, 2019

seriously??? People can't answer that??
there's hardly anything terribly introspectional about them, and almost all of that information is in my iPhone unprotected screen - not the clothespin part, but yeah, I don't expect EMT's to need that information! (In case of emergency contact:, triggers/limits/medical - kinda under medical- allergies - latex always deserves a mention, the clothespins might be ok if they were pretty, and only a thick suede flogger, please, and nothing in the confines of a relationship?).

I do like that you put an idea out there, too - yeah, caning my breasts - that's probably more than I am really into, and that goes back to what part of the pool everyone is comfortable in. I think you are being entirely fair and reasonable!

MasterBrads painpet​(sub female){OWNED} • Jan 28, 2019

@MasterBear.... Being new as everyone's knows.. But I guess I look at as its not unfair to ask the questions you ask and expect them answered.
1. How else will you know if you are compatable play partners.
2. How will you know if they are true sub and knowledge of play

I mean alot people may not agree but it's rude not to answer questions in a message especially for a playtime date and you if you've never played with them. One last thing if you took the time to send or read the message then the receiver should at least answer even if not interested say that. I maybe wrong if I am please let me know or if I might even be close .

curiouskittyy​(sub female){GentlemanX} • Jan 28, 2019

@ masterbear,

I agree with Tala ... as in we all have our own methods of evaluating potential (play)partners. However, I do not agree with the methods the author you mentioned chose to use. I feel like if no parameters or expectations are given then you can’t see how someone will truly act during play? For example, in my day to day life I am very much used to being extremely independent and in charge. However, with the right Dominant in private, I am a very different person. So how can you make a fair and accurate analysis? It might not necessarily be setting them up for failure but surely you’re not getting an accurate reading of their persona by seeing how they act in public with no boundaries.

Saying that ... I don’t think the questions you asked are unfair in any way. In fact, I think they are sensible and the answers needed before moving forward with any play. The lack of response from them though could be due to many different reasons. Perhaps they changed their mind or are nervous about sharing so openly.

I have to ask if this is the same person you mentioned (in a blog I think) who approached you nervously at the event you worked at? If so, then perhaps they are just a little inexperienced and shy about discussing their wants with you. Maybe speak to them and give them the benefit of the doubt ... explain that these questions need to be answered if they are serious about wanting to play with you. Then go from there.

WillowJ • Jan 28, 2019

So I don’t think you’re being unfair. We all judge people and weed people out every single day regardless of what we’re looking for play partners partners friends or just decent human beings in a store. And if someone’s not willing to answer the questions or at least come to you and say that they don’t know how to answer the questions then how honest and open and can they be even if it’s just play? Being new to all of this I’ve ended up taking two workshops on how to negotiate because I don’t negotiate. I am that person that bought their car off the lot for the sticker price because I don’t like to negotiate. But knowing that about myself and if you were asking me those questions, I would come back to you and say “I’m not really sure how to answer” and have a conversation about it.

Bunnie • Jan 29, 2019

@ MasterBear... for me it’s not so much about the questions themselves... I look at someone’s willingness to answer them. I ask someone I’m interested in the strangest questions. What I am looking for is a willingness to be open and honest... even if they’re uncomfortable. Because that’s when communication matters the most to me. I want to know that if we’re in an awkward or risky or dangerous situation, that the person I’m with can communicate clearly... and will.

If I’m negotiating a scene, I haven’t and wouldn’t play with someone who wasn’t capable of negotiating beforehand. Actually it’s impossible for me nowadays anyway... if we’re talking of play, the negotiating has already begun. I need to know we’re on the same page before my clothes come off lol.

We all have our own vetting method. It’s not unreasonable... it’s what makes us feel comfortable and safe... a very important factor in this lifestyle.

Is what I'm doing Fair?

1crazygirl​(sub female) • Jan 29, 2019

It's more than fair...specially after reading the questions you pose the candidate for play...communication is such an important part of any type of relationship/dynamic between 2 people or more. For the other person to not be willing to even answer your questions Masterbear says to me what else might they not be open and communicative about....maybe they are just being lazy maybe this person just doesn't think answering questions you pose is important??!!?? Could be any number of reasons, chances are its a few reasons, most people do the things they do for more than one reason. Bottom line is, like you said, YOU are very good at what you do YOU are a great sex player so you dont want to play with just anyone....that is fair...most people who are great/good at something do have a way of weeding through the flotsam and jetsam to get to the quality...why are you worrying/wondering if you are being Fair???!!!?? with this one???!!!?? move on to the next...like you said your plate is full and runneth over....1crazygirl/1cg/sarah

Hawkeye • Jan 30, 2019

To answer your question “ am I being fair?”

The answer is no. Absolutely not.

adverb
1.
without cheating or trying to achieve unjust advantage.
"no one could say he played fair"

It seems to me the writer was simply going out on a date and observing his dates reactions to determine if they were compatible.

As I understand it. You put forth questions that the answers to would determine wether or not a play session would take place.

Now if the writer had informed his date she was being judged I would consider that fair. If you had informed the other person about the consequences concerning answering the questions then that would be fair.

To me both of these situations come down to one thing. A lack of trust/knowledge in the other person.
In both instances the subject is not trusted to give honest responses if they have full knowledge.

To me if the trust isn’t there then that’s a hard stop.
Also sometimes it’s better to be smart then it is to be fair.

Cheers.