Why do you submit?

Why do you submit?

Pumpkin29​(sub female){MrWhite} • May 10, 2019

I've been wondering a lot lately about the motivations behind why we submit. I'm looking for insight from anyone willing to share to help me piece together parts of my own puzzle.

Why do you submit? Why do you enjoy it? What do you get out of it?

I've often heard that submissives should want nothing more in return for their service than to please someone. And while I can see this in an abstract, idealistic way, I wonder if that's true of most. As humans, if we get nothing out of it, it seems unlikely we would do it.

I welcome views from Doms as well. Anything you have to offer, I'm keen to hear.

So...Why do you submit?

BabyGirlFL​(sub female){His} • May 10, 2019

Good question. I’m very new so take that into account. I spent earlier years performing sexually in relationships and didn’t realize until my marriage to my late husband that I preferred to submit. Sexually I like my man to be in control. I love to be an object for his pleasure. But it extends beyond the bedroom for me. I grew up watching my mom and dad butt heads and now that they are close to 80, I still see it. Yes they are still together, and while it may be happiness for them, it is toxic for me to be around and certainly a toxic dynamic for me to have in my relationship (that’s not to say I haven’t had it myself in the past). I believe God created man and woman specifically for their purposes, and that there must be a leader. I NEED a leader. It rests my mind and heart to know that I have a man who has my best interest at heart, and that I can confidently follow his lead. In the beginning of getting to know my first dom, it was very difficult because of my stubborn streak and pride. But I realized that everything he is teaching me is for good. When he tells me to do something that I resist internally I ask myself if it is for good. It always is. So being with him is making me stronger, and I find that ironic in a submissive role, but it is. I guess because it’s a choice. So I submit because it’s my preferred role sexually, one that brings me and my man great pleasure...and because the dynamic outside of the bedroom I believe to be one that brings my man the respect he needs and deserves (and was created to receive), and by me serving him I am fulfilling my purpose and taking a huge weight off my shoulders. It’s like being at the helm of a ship in rocky seas and an expert captain comes and says “let me steer”. Gladly!

Side note: it seems that many submissive women are successful. I don’t know if I can say that about myself, but I am intelligent, a hard worker, have been through many hardships, and am a single mother of 2. Life is exhausting and I don’t want to wear the pants when I don’t have to.

BabyGirlFL​(sub female){His} • May 10, 2019

Also I should add more specifically what I get out of submitting: I feel protected, owned (like the most valued treasure to my man), guided (like an expert teacher takes an interest in an eager student), valued (for my many talents and learned skills that bring him pleasure in and out of the bedroom), and relieved of my earthly duties. His compliments are few and far between (contrary to my late husband, who complimented me constantly and although it felt good I was deceived and he was full of shit), but when they come I know they are honest and they mean much more to me. As a grown woman I don’t need to be puffed full of flattery. I stand in who I am and cherish when he sees that too.

Bunnie • May 10, 2019

@ BabygirlFL, awesome response. I agree with much of what you’ve said

I think what I would add for myself, is more around the dynamic itself...

I have spent most of my relationships holding back because I came to learn that the level of my devotion and adoration can tend to scare people. To vanilla men, that level of “worship” freaks them out... so I never really got to give as much as I had inside.

Another aspect is being able to be with someone who can stand in their own. I like a man who knows himself and who has done the work to become self-aware. Who isn’t afraid of himself or his “darker” aspects. Who knows his limitations. Who has faced himself and mastered himself... or has the desire to, and is working towards that. Not only does this make me admire and respect them, it also makes me feel safe. I have found from observation that’s it’s more likely that men in this lifestyle will have done this self-exploration... not to say there’s not ones in vanilla-land who haven’t, but this lifestyle seems to call for a deeper desire to “know thyself.”

As for submission itself, for me, it’s not about why I do it. It’s more about the fact that all of my quirks and weird idiosyncrasies suddenly make sense. I have a purpose. The way I am is useful and satisfying to the right person. I just didn’t know it, because I wasn’t moving in the circles of people that were “my people,” so I always felt wrong and out of place and broken... kind of like a hammer being used to decorate a cake.

So I guess what you could say I get from submitting is nourishment to my soul... that’s why I do it.

MasterBrads painpet​(sub female){OWNED} • May 10, 2019

@BabygirlFl... You explained everything I feel. I feel you captured everything I feel. The first about the order of things. I too don't want to wear the pants or carry the control or decision making. I like it when I can be a woman and submit and take of the man in my life. It's like all I want is just to feel and do for him. Keeping both of us happy. To be spirit in his needs, serenity to serve him, tenderness to comfort him, and wisdom to be an asset. Give him back everything he gives me. Being a submissive is a gift as well as his gift to me. Mutual trust and friendship so precious. Makes submitting a joy.

lilunicorn​(sub female) • May 11, 2019

Ladies, wow, just wow. Love all your posts and love reading and learning from others experiences. After reading your posts, I agree 100. I have always felt out of place, running in circles and asking what the hell is wrong with me? Until now and I am now home should we say. I submit cause it is all I know, it completes me.
I submit because it pleases my Dom and makes him happy and that means the world to me. I was always taught to know my place as a woman growing up but to handle your shit cause no one else is going to do it for you. And even thou it's 2 in the relationship, the man has the final say. That's what I need and want, a leader, a teacher, a confidant, a DOM.

Great Question!

DemonstricusRed​(sub male) • May 11, 2019

I love your question. I am a sub, and I submit to my Dom because I get extremely turned on by the whole experience. However, I'm not the kind of sub that will be denied sex forever, like some I read about. I don't do cuckholding, and I'm too self-confident to be humiliated every day. I believe the sex should be mutually satisfying. My Dom is my girlfriend. She understands that I am naturally an Alpha male, and that I choose to submit to her sexually, and it's a huge turn on for me... And her.

To make a long answer shorter...I submit sexually because it turns me on! Otherwise, I'd stay in my alpha state and endure the vanilla life.
If you have any questions for me, don't hesitate to ask. Hope this helped.

Satindragon{Not Lookin} • May 12, 2019

Why do I submit?
I am an older submissive, who has spent most of her adult life on her own. Taking care of business, being a caregiver, provider, parent and the list goes on. I needed to find someone who wasn't intimidated by my presence.

I submit because I have found someone who is confident enough in himself that I can just be me. I no longer have to be strong because I have his strength to protect me. He touches me and the world goes away. His kiss calms my mind so I can focus on us. His presence allows the softer version of me to come out. He doesn't have to demand I kneel. I do it to please us both.

He needs my gift of submission as much as I need his gift of Dominance.

MsNevermore​(other female) • May 12, 2019

Maybe a different approach to looking at this is to whom I would submit to and then answer the question why. To simply say we have a need or want to submit the begs us to answer when any opportunity to do so we then refuse. Obviously we arent going to submit to just anyone, right?

Once we know the who then the why becomes a little more clear based on mutual needs, wants and desires.

What do I submit? Because they first showed they were capable and trusted enough for me to give them over my dominance of self. I feel secure enough to trust that in serving their needs that I will also have my needs met. That working together in the ying yang of what we do both will benefit from it.