Respectfully Why Male Subs?

Taramafor​(sub male) • Aug 26, 2017

Speaking as a man, I don't think "Like a man". Don't buy into stereotypes. I also don't like beer or sports. If that makes me "Less of a man" then so be it. I'm not "a man". I'm me. And it's silly to think that all men should have to "Think like men". It might seem like a minor issue, but honestly, it's not. I'm seen families be torn apart for "being different then what is expected". And I know what expectations from others can lead too. Just use "Seen in fear/like a freak" logic and you get the idea. The OP doesn't seem to be "too afraid" of course, but is investigating an "Unknown" situation. So kudos for that. They're facing the unknown. I can respect that. Now getting back onto the topic at hand.

I'm a sub because I like losing control as much as being in it. There's actually quite a few factors at play with me. Personal ones.

So let's go back in time to when I used to be more "normal" if you will. A time before I was a sub. Ended up in the middle of people I care about. They were in the middle with me too. Everyone tried to make it a choice in the past. Deciding for others (eg: Forcing it). There was much jealousy and hate. Everyone got hurt. Some died too (drunk midnight car accident of an exes ex on the one hand, suicide on the other). In short, really bad stuff. In the end I wondered if my mere existence was the cause of all that (Others probably wondered the same too). Ended up isolating myself and hiding away. Honestly, sad as it is this is "normal stuff" to happen with people. Everyone goes through bad shit and learns the hard way. The only reason I'm going into this part is to state how bad things can get when people are "out of control" in the bad way. And how they can ended up in a good finishing line. Fortunately everyone I fell out with in the past I'm now on the best of terms with. This actually ties in with what I'm adding next.

Now we touch on the topic of an angry, spiteful ex. Despite that we (rarely) spent some time together. Hanging out and all that. After everything that had happened it ended up at a point where she's blaming me for things. For example, she sent someone to me who I couldn't be there for who killed themselves. Not my fault on that account of course (though I didn't think so at the time). Another example would be having cut off contact with the ex once, which lead to self harm with her. I'm not responsible for the self harm but I am for the hurt feelings. I'm basically saying she had good reason to hate and mistrust me.

How many people remain calm in that situation? When they're getting a face full of hate and blame? That's just not my way. It might be a "mans" way, and I am indeed male, but if "Snapping back" is "manly" I want nothing to do with it. I'm simply not one to get angry at others or blame them. Far too understanding and it's counterproductive. I remember the ex saying she wanted to stick me with knives 'till I squeal (and this is back before my masochist days). After that I just skipped to squealing. Told me to shut up and, despite having said she wanted nothing to do with me only minutes ago, she let me be around her again. I suspect this is why I'm a masochist into fearplay and mindfucking. for a "Worst" situation to end up "better" and eventually at "best".

Then Christmas came around. Was wallowing in my own self pity. Let her know what an idiot I had been and how sorry I was. Crawled into bed. Then I wake up with her around. Unasked for. But not unwelcome. Very much welcome in fact. something that happened that was completely out of my control. But in a good way. In the best way. Gets better from there too. She ended up being there for my other ex, who she hated in the past. And they genially got on with each other. Even had a crush on each other. In the (far) past I tried to make them get on. But you can't force shit like that. Only time in my life I cried tears of joy. You don't think something like that can happen until it does.

All the bad shit that's happened in my past happened because I tried to control the situation. All the good shit that's happened has been because I give direction to others and let them control the situation. I did actually used to be a dom for a bit at first, and I did find some small enjoyment out of it, back in my wanting to burn the world days. But I'm far happier being a sub. I like to be pushed hard. To the point where I pushed others. And to be trusted to be there no matter how hard I'm pushed. At my "worst". I can be a little "pushy" myself still (subs can be needy. Balanced out with going out of my way to look after the dom) but I just find it easier to get my "Be here at my worst as well as the best" needs met as a sub. Mental masochist into fearplay and mindfucking. Which comes from a past of angry ex, among other things. Not only do I enjoy being put on the spotlight and challenged, I find it also helps me to remain aware of how to look out for others. Facing fear for example. In myself and others alike. I also like being put in line. A lot of people can be afraid of doing that in general, but knowing someone isn't afraid to not spare my feelings is a joy (as in knowing someone will trust me when I don't spare theirs). Likewise, despite being a sub I do put my foot down if there's a serious enough matter. I don't spare feelings of doms either. I could as easily being out of line because it's fun to have "friendly conflict" though. Which can tie in with or lead to teasing and bonding together. Intimacy and such. If a matter is serious enough I naturally state my thoughts about it. If it's something that can wait or something I need another to figure out though then that's another matter. When it comes to others I'm as observant as a dog. When it comes to others I like to help them be more observant with me. Which in turn will help them be observant with others. Which can either help others they care about or be aware of when they're being taken advantage of.

The sub is put in line. Yet the dom has to push. The sub can be afraid yet the dom has to be brave enough to put in the fear. To overcome their own. Both in and out of control. Even at once at times. Being "out of control" doesn't have to be a bad thing. As long as it's given direction.

Girls can be just as rough as guys btw. And guys can be just as "Gentle" as girls. Personally I like a lot of the former with a bit of the later. Earning the gentle shit.

Carlos123​(sub male) • Aug 26, 2017

I just love the feeling of being helpless rather than the alternative. I don't know why. I am completely straight and HATE seeing guys tied up but LOVE seeing girls tied up. It's confusing to even explain.

Thebig Voyeurtoo​(sub male) • Sep 2, 2017

I am in a leadership role, making decisions and carrying the weight of outcomes, everywhere else in my life. Being submissive relieves me of those burdens for the brief time that Mistress and I are in the scene.

Interestingly, I pactice fetishistic transvestitism (I wear women's panties and lingerie), which allows me to feel more relaxed and de-stress, even when others don't know or can't see what I'm wearing. I think of it as a form of compliment, it fills in the rest (ie completes me, gives me balance). I'm not always dressed, especially when my stress levels are low, but if I've had a bad day its common for me to come home, change clothes, and have some type of silky underwear on underneath whatever casualwear I put on.

To go back to what someone said earlier, submission (and anything that passes in my brain for submissive behavior) completes me in a way that helps me re-center and re-balance.

Meg​(dom female){NotLooking} • Sep 2, 2017

I agree with Evangeline. I'm a domme, and none of my subs have ever been men that I'd consider "less-than." In fact, they were all extremely well educated and had good careers: Lawyer, psychologist, tech CEO, etc. They enjoyed the release of someone else telling them what to do, instead of having to do the telling.

Submission isn't feminization, and it isn't weakness. And being dominant doesn't make me any less female. It's just what works for us.

Groucho64​(switch male) • Sep 3, 2017

Hi MR B that is an interesting question. I agree that when my wife wants me to dominate her I do feel manly doing that. But I have also fantasised a lot about being submissive to women and I think it sort of ties in with the idea of showing that I am willing to do anything to give a sexy woman pleasure. For me wanting to give women pleasure just for the sake of it is part of being manly too, and I quite like the idea of women getting pleasure out of having power over me. I think when women are sexually desirable that does give them a lot of power and that is quite exciting to me. I don't know if that makes sense. Just my thoughts.

Tied4u65​(sub male) • Sep 3, 2017

I have been a submissive for most of my 51yrs it is not that I'm less a man for that. I
Just would rather to submit and put her pleasure before mine. That allows my pleasure to happen

SOUL GODDESS​(other female) • Sep 4, 2017

In my experience, majority of submissive men I met are anything but weak. Actually in the real world they hold some high position and are seen as a alpha male in public. This is why I adore submissive men. A good submissive man can be a gift, a muse and blessing in disguise. Now only if I could find one in California. Lol

Gentlesubmissiveboy​(sub male){not owned } • Sep 4, 2017

Mr. B,
I don't blame you for asking that and it is nice for a change for a person to want to understand that side especially when its foreign in general . I , personally don't feel ashamed or less of a man to speak by being or wanting to explore submissive bsdm. I , however do have a natural subtle energy for pleasing . Since childhood , I have felt a great need to belong to someone but I want someone to please so I felt making someone happy is the way to go even though it is looked upon as a weakness for a man. I love making a woman feel good with pleasure and luxuries of pleasure. I feel complete when I am pleasing the woman i am with even though very feminine and gentle . I have not felt the desire from the confidence of a dominant woman but by obeying ,worshiping, serving her I want to feel complete in sexuality and power . Its no doubt for me that a women is sexy when she is feminine but also has a dominant edge to her that over powers me into submission, I feel like I want to do things for her. There is a certain kink, power and element to being with a woman that is powerful but nurturing and caring that is what my whole desire of pursuit. Now , it is typical for a man to be a confident person domestically, financially and professionally as well as emotions . I can be so confidant and sure of myself but at the same time women don't see that. They see the pleasing, gentle and passive sweet guy that is always helping and doing things to please and make life more stress free and secure . I do love security so certain things of a woman get me turned on slowly and delicately. I have never been dominant but I am solid when it comes to most other things like career and ambitions or intellect. I still have a lot of respect for myself though never letting anyone have dirty feet when they come into my house. But still , have a desire to please. I never feel ashamed though, women will mock but will realize i am going out of my way to make them happy and put them first. Chivalry and manners have always been my mannerisms but pleasing brings on my sexuality when she instructs me more so than trying to dominate her . It simply wouldn't satisfy me.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Sep 5, 2017

I find it's more of the fact that it's "strangers" that don't see the "whole me". I'm a pretty confident guy too. In fact, I think everything we do revolves around confidence. Having the confidence to try new things. Having the confidence to approach an angry ex. Having the confidence to be somewhere you might be seen as "a bit different". Etc, etc. I manage to get others more confident too. Simple logic, really. "Fuck judgement" and "At least you tried". Along with a dose of "Closer company that matters".

I'm also a very "direct" person. And pedantic (Hey, it's for the honesty, ok). Though I'm also good with the "smooth stuff" for lack of a better term (not just women tease). It's the former that most people will see at first. This of course can lead to people making "snap judgements" and making assumptions about me. If someone sticks around they see that there's a whole lot more then that. That there's a good reason why I don't mess around and say things as they are. I suspect there's good reason a lot of people are shy too. It's for the same reason people get angry and lash out. They been hurt in their past somehow and struggle to be in the open about things and have become more well guarded. If you're a stranger they have no reason to let that guard down. And that's not even a bad thing. In some ways I consider it good. But if one never lets "anyone" close it can of course turn bad. What I find is key is to find a "logical reason" to keep up such a shield. I lower mine when others aren't striking it. Others do the same when I reassure them that I'm not the enemy. That we're both simply defending, not attacking. That there is no reason to keep it up (hint: A counter attack is still an attack. It might not sound "manly", but there are times to walk away and come back later with a cooler head).

At the same time, if anyone does look past it (My directness and pedanticness) I go out of my way to be there for them. Put simply, I turn into the bitch that makes the sandwich. Long as the other butters the bread. Jokes aside the logic is quite simple. "If you can't accept me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best." People see the "worst" in me (indeed, I even present that part in some ways, within reason), they look past it. We get closer. One doesn't need to have looked "past" the worst before I start going out of my way for them. They simply need to be "present". To show they're not going to be an "aggressor" (Things like assuming the worst and snap judgements are considered attacks by me). Then talks happen and things get good. Working at making them happy so they want to make me happy. The reasons are not selfless. But nor as they selfish. People often say you need to make a good first impression. Me, I say "Here's the real me. Let's make the best of it". Strangely enough it works.

Of course, this is all in the "introduction phase". After that things like punishments will get included. Which can of course be a form of "friendly sparring". All in good fun of course. Or even "at the worst" fun if I brought it on myself. While I don't consider myself "a guy" I do take note that I enjoy the "sparring" and pushing each other to make the best of things. This is however something I have seen in women as well. One of which is even into karate. Since the question of "male subs" was asked, I decided to cover "Why female doms" as well.

Of course the answer will vary depending on who you ask. Some people like the gentle approach. Following orders on the first command. Others seem to just like a good fight and put up a struggle. Likely other variations. But one thing is for sure. It applies to all genders (I'm including "middle genders" in this as well) across the board. The short answer is "Because some people of X gender enjoy it". Is that not a good enough answer in and of itself?

Sensualdragon​(sub male) • Sep 9, 2017

I submit to Gorgeous Lady is because I feel the excitement and pleasure when doing so. It's a kind of fulfillment.