Rules for Submissives

Hi All,

Curious to see and learn of different views relating to rules for submissives to behave in.

I've read other various blogs where Doms have pages of rules for their subs, sometimes with 100 rules listed.

Whereas I only have a few basic generic rules (below) which I use as a foundation and have actively corrected my subs on an ongoing evolving basis to improve their behaviour to how it pleases me.

Interested to see if I can improve and maybe add better rules.

C

1. I must address my Sir correctly.
2. I will use my safe words if necessary and without fear.
3. I will follow Sir's orders to the best of my ability.
3. Orgasms are a privilege and are owned by Sir. I will ask Sir for permission to cum and will thank him after each one.
4. I will dress and groom myself to please my Sir.
5. I will be honest with my Sir.

I don't know but I think there is a lot more than Just 5 rules for submission or the submissive. Never said anything about their rights or did you forget that submissive have rights also. Just wondering

A young man offered to have a switch irl relationship with me once. I was not allowed to touch anyone else, ever. I could not wear nail varnish, unless a scene demanded it. I must be prepared to penetrate him, and take that same penetration without question. I must always accept that he would be late. In return he offered me nothing. Which is why I turned him down flat.
However my current playpal has given me only one 'command'. His command? "Smile".

My rules are few.

Rule 1: Don't neglect me. I won't with you.
Rule 2: Make the effort for me and look after ALL of my needs as I would yours (even if that means having to get others involved. I can't dom a switch after all). No that's not being unreasonable. I want YOU to care enough to make the effort, which will be appreciated even if you're not good at it. I do with others of course. Two way street (often me doing it first brings people closer with me, I find).
Rule 3: Take note of how other things affect us. OUR experiences are VERY different, even if they're similar. Don't compare me to others. For I've learned not to do that myself. Others may not like your "flaws". I might love you for them.
Rule 4: Want ME. not "Who is easy". If I'm not worth the effort, you're not worth the time. If you're being difficult, I won't abandon you.

That's it. The rest falls into place after that. Once I treat someone like a person, they often become a "better" dom. Better meaning they're willing to get into it, even if they weren't before. Get good at it too.

Hi,



It has been said that the perfect number of rules is six; so that the sub by an abundance of laws is not in confusion, nor yet by the paucity and fewness tied up from all liberty. When there are multitudes and great diversity of laws, we may probably conjecture that there will happen many transgressions and enormities.

Should anything be added?

Perhaps rule #1 should be "temet nosce"

Several of your rules seem mere re-specified specific cases of the same basic rule:

"I will do anything I can to please my Sir."

This covers manner of address, following orders etc., it may be extended by adding "and I will constantly think and seek new ways to please my Sir."

Nice about the safe-words and honest communication, yet again, to me this seems one rule restated twice.

Rather than being specific only about Orgasms as Privilege, a more general rule about privileges and rewards might work.

so, perchance:

1) I will know myself and be honest with myself. (temet nosce)
2) I will do anything I can to please my Sir and I will constantly think about and seek new ways to please my Sir.
3) I will communicate honestly and clearly with my Sir, including the correct use of safewords.
4) Any reward or privilege is given to me by my Sir, I will thank him and never seek any reward or privilege without permission.
5) If I have been in violation of these rules in thought or action I will inform my Sir and ask for forgiveness.
6) I will accept appropriate correction and punishment for any transgression I am guilty of.

Who knows. Needs work I think.

Greez S.S.A.L.

What is temet novice?

@Jessica,

TEMET NOSCE is Latin, most commonly translated as "know thyself".

Greez S.S.A.L.

Agreed. I've actually talked others into doing this myself. What's more I don't want my own feelings spared so they're honest with me as well. This isn't just D/s advice. It's "How to be honest with who you are in general" advice.


Going to make a correction here. A sub can be either gender. So let's switch "sir" with "sir/madam". On this I... agree and slightly disagree. One word. Brat. Also none brats that "Take the bad with the good" of things. It's a "We're going to push each other in ways we don't like as well as ways we love" kind of thing. I also argue the same rule applies with a dom too. Who would want to be with someone that isn't trying to make you happy after all? Of course, on the sub side there's thinks like "Accepted bad situations" and the like, but even that is in the interest of long term happiness. Though I suppose it can be argued that in this case you would still seek new ways to please each other. But would it be constant when you're trying to displease each other in good fun?


Replacing "sir" with "sir/madam" from here. Communication. Agreed. Safewords, IF they're used, agreed. Not everyone uses them. I don't myself. I just trust and talk about things beforehand, knowing full well the situations I put myself in and the risks involved. Close company only. What's more if I really don't want something I will voice it. I might scream out "no" with something I want, but if it's a serious thing that needs talking about I communicate about it ASAP. It isn't "breaking play" (I'm lifestyle). It's bringing up a more important matter that needs to be addressed for peace of mind. There's "This forced thing on me I accept and got into knowingly" and then there's keeping your mental shit together.


Disagree somewhat here. This ties in with communication. If I say "I don't like this thing" and a dom then gives me said thing that is not a reward and it is not a privilege. Not unless it symbolises something meaningful anyway. I do ask for rewards at times, but at the same time I'm fully aware that wherever I deserve to be rewarded or not is not my decision to make and can as easily lead to punishment. I do not ask for permission to do that either. Though I rarely ask for things. I simply make what I enjoy known and hope they look after me. People can struggle with this and get lazy, especially when new to things. Before reward comes communication. And making sure the dom is well looked after. If I'm not "rewarded" enough the dom might be hard on themselves for not looking after me well enough. Likewise I must ensure they're well looked after too. It is nice to get things unasked for but it is not a bad thing to bring up rewards if they are lacking altogether. Or if you're getting rewards that are disliked. This puts the dom at risk as much as the sub. This requires communication in order to avoid drifting apart, or worse, depression.


Heh. I actually disagree here. I don't ask for forgiveness. I know full well that if I've crossed a line I'm getting face planted into the floor and I'm about to get put in line. Also this "rule" isn't something that applies to all subs. I never apologise. I've spent a whole past feeling sorry for myself. Actions and effort gets things done. If I get out of line I want to be put in it ASAP. No messing around. If I do it again I won't be sorry either. I might do it knowingly. It can be fun to "play" with each other. Knowing full well the risks, consequences and that it won't cause a rift between the two people.


Punishment then. Who decides what "appropriate correction" is though? For example, I need a harsher/rougher approach. Only I know this for myself. In the end I can only inform another that this is the case and hope they're understand well enough. It's for them to decide how hard to push me. But it's also for me to know how hard (or soft) I need to be pushed.

Hi,

Ok, a bratty Sub is sub too. And D/S goes both ways. I'm never "politically correct" and consider most people into kink intelligent enough, so I write Sir and presume if the relationship is with a Domme/Mistress thse involved are smart enough to work out changing a few words and or adjust the clauses to fit their specific dynamics.

Well, if you want to be bratty to get a punishment you deserve, just go at breaking the rules.

The issue here that I would normally consider brattiness a play, an act to get funishment, which would only be needed if I did not take good enough care of my Sub but which I would see as "play" and which would be discussed upfront. I doubt anyone, not even a dedicated masochist brat will like true punishment for a real offence which necessarily must fit the offence and must be seriously unpleasant to the Sub.

So, if you diss me while under discipline, I might first have you wash your mouth out with soap, clip something stingy and heavy on your tongue and lips, give you a few solid swats on the soles of your feet (just enough to hurt and to get some tears) before you will stand naked (as girl in high heels, never was interested in guys) in the corner for an hour or two (yup on those feet I just swatted), after which you would put on a gag and chastity device (yourself) and serve as footstool for the rest of the day before sleeping alone (still in the chastity device, but for safety without gag), or something along these lines - depending if something in this would actually be something the Sub enjoys... I think something along those lines, making sure nothing there is to be enjoyed by the sub would get the message "We are not amused!" across neatly.

Your relationship seems different to what I'd accept, so if your Dom(me) agrees to let you push them, that between you and your Dom(me) and then the rules would need adjustment. If you never want to say sorry and be forgiven and possibly have punishment waved, but instead never want to say sorry and always want to be punished instead, well again, alter the rules.

It is in the end what two Risk Aware Consenting Kinky adults agree together... No one size fits all.

Greez S.S.A.L.

Made some modifications to the rules listed above. Never had a need to lay them out like this... but it was a good use of my time. Probably going to add it to my blog for future reference. Please forgive the lack of gender neutrality, as this would be for me and my subs.


Rules for my submissive:
1. I will know myself and be open and honest with myself and my Master.
2. I will communicate honestly and clearly with my Master, including the correct use of safewords (Enough).
3. I will always address my Master respectfully and appropriately for the given situation.
4. I will completely surrender my heart, mind and body to my Master.
5. I will do anything I can to please my Master and I will constantly think about and seek new ways to please him.
6. If I have been in violation of these rules in thought or action I will inform my Master and ask for forgiveness. I will accept appropriate correction and punishment for any transgression I am guilty of.


Rules for me as a Dom:
1. I will always act in my submissive's best interest, even when it contradicts my personal wants and/or desires.
2. I will always be open and honest with my submissive and will listen to their needs and desires.
3. I will always respect the use of safewords by IMMEDIATELY stoping the action that caused the use of the safeword and tending to any needs that the submissive has.
4. I will provide protection from as much harm as possible to my submissive. This includes harm from others, themselves, or from myself, and includes emotional and mental harm as well as physical.
5. I will Dominate my submissive. This includes but is not limited to the following: I will use my time, attention, instruction, discipline, even my cruelty, to take my submissive out of their comfort zones and force them to bend, stretch, and grow. I will not push them past the breaking point, but I will always endeavor to bring them to it. I will respect the hard limits that are established by and for my submissive. I will issue punishment and reward based on merit. I will constantly seek new ways to Dominate my submissive, and take them further.
6. If I violate any of these rules, my submissive has the right to revoke her consent, permanently or temporarily, thereby releasing herself from all responsibility or requirements imposed by the rules, demands or requests I have placed on her.