What makes a dom

What makes a dom

Savage​(dom male) • Dec 30, 2019

Is it the age
Is it the experience
Is it control
Is it just someone who is dominant in nature

What makes a dom.


Honestly

LaVieEnRose​(sub female){Kintsugi} • Dec 30, 2019

This is just me but age is irrelevant although some would argue with age comes experience and knowing who you are as a person and as a Dom.

In regards to experience, one could argue we never stop learning and depending on your situation with every sub it’s a different experience. But it doesn’t make a Dom it just speaks to them knowing more about themselves. But then we all start somewhere and if you lack experience maybe a mentor is a good option.

As for the last two they are I think characteristics of a Dom, however, without consented submission both of those characteristics are irrelevant. A Dom doesn’t demand submission, they earn it. They prove to the sub they’re pursuing that they should be given their trust and that control should be handed over to themselves. For every sub/slave/little, etc., what it takes to earn that is going to be different.

Erick​(sub male) • Dec 30, 2019

The chief attribute of the dom is their ability to understand exactly how the submissive's mind works. A dom's radar can pick a submissive out of a crowded room and then exploit them and get them to surrender their will all by themselves, ultimately to an even greater extent than they thought they wanted to. This gift of insight is something that occurs more or less randomly in some people.. Anyone can have it. Even people who don't look the part.

When domination happens in so-called "real life," it often occurs without ethical restraints, and thus is usually considered a species of psychopathology, leading to toxic relationships and lots of unhappiness.

But in the fetish world, where mundane reality is largely transformed by toys and rituals into relatively pleasurable outcomes, the dom takes only as much power as the submissive surrenders--plus usually just a little bit more, just to keep things a little bit real.

Phanes​(dom male) • Dec 30, 2019

Okay I tried to sit back and watch this play out, but I feel a need speak up on it now being that is continually put up in our face with the numerous posts on this subject; both on blogs and here on forum by the OP.

First off, a Dominant should be self-insured and confident in themselves. Those who have been in the lifestyle serious searching (minus the pretenders) for their O/one: online or even in real time, realize in trying to find a significant other it's not an easy task. Neither is it any easier for a submissive looking for their Dominant. There will be more disappointments than not in your search in trying to find that O/one who you would consider entering any dynamic.

Everyone who is looking, are looking for someone with certain characteristics, common interests, kinks, and YES of a certain AGE and maturity. Those looking should be particular as to who they consider as a partner both in and out the lifestyle. You want to ensure that you're compatible in all ways that you desire. If you're not, chances are, the relationship will fail!!

My recommendation to the OP:
Perhaps you need to reflect on the way you have been approaching those that you have interest in?
Are you approaching them as a woman/person wanting to get to know that individual on a personal level? Just as you would in any normal relationship.
Or are you coming across as "Me Dom, you sub, now down on your knees?"
Are you coming across to them in a way that they question your maturity and sincerity as far as your intention? In my experience over the years, I agree, age is nothing more than a number to many. However I have come across many people who are much more mature at a younger age than some twice their age.
Are you taking time to review their profiles? Are you reading them to their entirety to see who they may believe are compatible to them?
And lastly, the way you are seen in dealing with rejections reflects on how people see you as a Man/Dominant. Numerous postings (blogs & forum) regarding the said subject (age) does not show the strength and confidence that many may view favorably. I get it you want some advice to see if others are being rejected for the same reason(s), however one post would be sufficient. More than one place makes people think (perhaps I might be the only one) that you see someone seeking attention in the wrong way.
Pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and "suck it up buttercup. "

LaVieEnRose​(sub female){Kintsugi} • Dec 30, 2019

Couldn’t agree more with Phane! I’d really take what he’s said to heart and think hard on the questions he’s presented!

This lifestyle does require inner reflection for both sides and you have to ask yourself some hard questions and do some serious soul searching. Being a Dom or even a Sub holds so much responsibility so you need to make sure you’re able to handle that responsibility before you start looking for a sub.

Al Le Gory​(sadist female) • Dec 30, 2019

Someone that understands that being a cunt does not equate to being a Dom/me.

djinni​(dom female){smplylaura} • Dec 30, 2019

As always Mr P, your insight is astute and perfect! *hugs*

Daddy Time​(dom male) • Dec 30, 2019

Intelligence, compassion, confidence if your missing one of these three then you should not be a Dom. All other sub categories control etc fall under those three.

Misterasmodai​(dom male) • Dec 30, 2019

Being a good Dom requires confidence, competence, patience, and responsibility.
Age has no actual bearing, it is simply an easy way of vetting for experience, a paternal aesthetic, and (more often than most would care to admit) financial security. I have met plenty of older Doms still dealing with the self worth issues rampant in teenagers. Look for intelligence and maturity without getting hung up on age.
Being a Dom is hard work as it is a lot of responsibility. Competence comes with learning the ropes and gaining experience, developing the ability to read people and subs in particular to assure an effective and safe dynamic. A Dom should be unnaturally patient, in my opinion. I know this tends to be seen as counter to the typical depiction of a demanding and aggressively impatient dominant controller, but a truly effective Dom is always able to let the sub make the first move (even if this is not always the case), then outlast them in the waiting game. I have seen subs experience a patient Dom for the first time, and it is truly a game changer.
Beyond these requirements, it helps to be creative, truly dominant, and sadistic depending on the style of your dynamic and the sub you are bringing in. Some want a big, cuddly Daddy Dom; while others want to continuously flirt with the lines of consent and safety. A good Dom is able to effectively provide what the sub wants, and regardless of the intensity of the connection (I myself have some connections that many would consider extreme), the Dom is ultimately taking care of the sub, and that is what makes them a Dom.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Dec 31, 2019

Insight.